Colonel Homer/Quotes
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- Homer: Hey! Hey, Lurleen? I gotta say somethin' to ya.
- Lurleen: I'm listenin'.
- Homer: Your song touched me in a way I've never felt before. And which way to the can?
- (the family listens to Lurleen's song on the radio)
- Homer: Marge? Whaddya think?
- Marge: Well, it's nice... but who is this woman?
- Homer: Well, right now she's an out-of-work cocktail waitress, but she's going to be a country music superstar, like, uh... that... jerk in the cowboy hat... and that dead lady.
- Marge: I don't like you hanging around some cocktail waitress!
- Homer: Marge, you make it sound so seamy! All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer watching her try on some outfits.
- Homer: Don't thank me Lurleen, you should be thanking your brain!
- Lurleen: Oh, Homer, no man has ever been this nice to me without... you know, wantin' somethin' in return.
- Homer: Well, I was gonna ask you for a glass of water, but now I feel kinda guilty about it.
- Lurleen: (laughing) Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar!
- Homer: Thanks! You did say sugar, right?
- Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.
- Homer: Guess what, Lurleen? I got you a gig on TV!
- Lurleen: Oh, Homer! You're as smart as you are handsome!
- Homer: (angry) Hey! (relaxes) Oh, you meant that as a compliment.
- Marge: Just so you know, while you and Lurleen were put judging that greased pig contest, Maggie cut her first tooth.
- Homer: That's great, honey. Say, have you seen my rattlesnake headband?
- Marge: You're not even listening to me.
- Homer: Sure they will!
- Homer: They don't call me Colonel Homer because I'm some dumb-ass Army guy.
