Difference between revisions of "Husbands and Knives/Quotes"

Revision as of 17:50, March 6, 2020

Milo: These books are meant to be read and enjoyed, not hoarded and then sold when you get divorced.

Homer: We're gonna be rich! We can finally afford to start a family!

Marge: We have a family!

Homer: A better one!

Bart: Who's stronger, the Thung or the Mulk?

Comic Book Guy: (to Milhouse) Nice work, Doctor Boo-Who. Your tears have smudged Wolverine's iconic sideburns. Hence, you must buy this comic. And the cost of your innocent accident is... $25, please.

Milhouse: But that's the money Yaya Sophia gave me for Greek Orthodox Easter.

Comic Book Guy: (sighs) I hate when they tell me things about themselves.

(Comic Book Guy has just noticed a new comic store that has opened up across the street.)

Comic Book Guy: Philip K. Dick! It can't be! It's as if Superman moved to Gotham City!

Martin: Which he did, in World's Finest Comics #94. (points to the comic.) See?

Comic Book Guy: That was an imaginary story, dreamt by Jimmy Olsen after he was kicked in the head by Supergirl's horse, Comet. It never really happened.

Bart: None of these things ever really happened.

Comic Book Guy: Get out of my store.

(A local Krusty Burger is being closed down.)

Krusty: (sobbing) I can't believe the Labor Board is shutting me down.

Labor Board Official: You lock your workers in at night!

Krusty: It's so they can't tell their stories!

Bart: Alan Moore, you wrote my favorite issues of Radioactive Man.

Alan Moore: Oh really, so you liked that I made your favorite superhero a heroin addicted jazz critic who's not radioactive?

Bart: I don't read the words. I just like when he punches people. How do you make his costume stick so close to his muscles?

Alan Moore: Ughhh.

Milhouse: Mr. Moore, will you sign my DVD of Watchmen Babies? Which of the babies is your favorite?

Alan Moore: You see what those bloody corporations do? They take your ideas and they suck them! Suck them like leeches until they've gotten every last drop of marrow from your bones!

(Comic Book Guy bursts into Coolsville.)

Comic Book Guy: Attention, comic book aficionados! (points at Milo) This man is not one of us. (Comic Book Guy points at a girl named Strawberry and the crowd gasps.) He has a girlfriend!

Strawberry: My name is Strawberry. My purse is a lunch box.

Lisa: I really identified with the girls in Ghost World. They made me feel like I wasn't so alone.

Daniel Clowes: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you know anyone at Batman? 'Cause I really want to draw Batman, I'm awesome at utility belts. (he points to a picture of a utility belt) Check these out. This is where the Batman keeps his money in case he has to take the bus.

Lisa: Mm-hmm.

(Comic Book Guy is destroying Coolsville.)

Art Spiegelman: Oh, no! The store's in trouble!

Alan Moore: League of Extraordinary Freelancers, activate!

(Art Spiegelman puts on a Maus mask.)

Art Spiegelman: Maus is in the house!

(Homer explains his surgery to Bart and Lisa)

Homer: Kids, daddy underwent a special procedure so he can be more attractive to your mother.

Bart: You had your hot dog plumped?

Homer: No! I had my stomach stapled!

Opal: Marge, I thank you for creating Shapes. And, uh, my boyfriend thanks you, too!

Opal's audience: Oooooh!

Marge: When is Straightman going to pop the question?

Opal: (obviously uncomfortable) Uh... uh... (to audience) You're all getting German cuckoo clocks!

(The audience cheers)