Difference between revisions of "My Mother the Carjacker/Quotes"

Revision as of 13:28, January 20, 2015

Grampa: Mona, I'll always remember raspberry trolley cars, because my mind is shot.

Marge: Homer, it's 2:00 in the morning.

Homer: I couldn't sleep because I thought there might be a sign of my mom in one of these articles. They never did find her body.

Bart: Then what was in the coffin?

Homer: Last week's garbage. I missed the pickup date.

Gil: You gotta say something. She's looking at 20 years! And my legal license expires in 15 minutes.

Homer: I barely know my mother. And every time I see her, she's taken away again. And when a man doesn't have his mother, he winds up like me.

Mona: To reach you, I called up my friends in the liberal media and planted that story about the giant pizza.

Homer: You sure know me, Mom.

Mona: Pizza was the first food he choked on.

Bart: Aw So why are you back in town?

Mona: I saw this macaroni pencil holder Homer made me, and I realized how much I missed him.

Homer: I made this when I was five. I had to do something. Your pencils were all over the place.

Mona: Hey, it was the '60s.

Lisa: What happened to Grandma is an outrage.

Homer: How do you figure?

Lisa: She was acquitted! Then they put her back in jail on a technicality!

Homer: You're right. People should only be let out of jail on technicalities.

Lisa: Well, they're transferring Grandma to a federal prison tomorrow. I say we hit 'em where they live with a candlelight vigil.

Homer: Candlepin bowling? That's a great idea. We'll play right after I break your grandmother out of prison.

Convict: I never want this trip to end. Because I'm getting executed when we stop.