Difference between revisions of "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 01:17, January 24, 2024

Marge: Now be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.

Lisa: What are we gonna have?

Homer: Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad... uh... let's see... poison.

Lisa: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?

Bart: Poison pizza.

Homer: Oh, no! I'm not making two stops!

Mrs. Krabappel: Bart has been guilty of the following atrocities: synthesizing a laxative from peas and carrots, replacing my birth control with Tic Tacs...

Ms. Hoover: You must have read to her at a young age.

Homer: I did! I did read to her! [flashback to Homer reading to baby Lisa] 8:00, Happy Days. The Fonz, Henry Winkler, is worried he's losing his cool.

Homer: Well, I've always been a firm believer in the three R's: Reading TV Guide, um... Writing to TV Guide, um... and Renewing TV Guide.

Homer: "My child is on the honor roll at Springfield Elementary." You know, I thought I'd never find a replacement for my "Where's the Beef?" bumper sticker.

Bart: Boy, time really flies when you're reading... [sees what he's holding] the Bible!? Ewww....

Ms. Krabappel: I believe that with persistent discipline, even the poorest student can end up becoming, oh, say, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

Homer: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. What great men he would join: John Marshall, Charles Evans Hughes, Warren Berger... Mmmmmmm... Berger...

Homer: If you don't start making more sense, we're going to have to put you in a home.

Grampa: You already put me in a home.

Homer: Then we'll put you in the crooked home we saw on 60 Minutes.

Grampa: [meekly] I'll be good.

Homer: [to Bart] Young man, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, then he gets to break yours.

Grampa: Aw, this is gonna be sweet.

Homer: Boy, you're gonna have to be punished for this.

Bart: Dad, you could punish me, but that means you have to think of a punishment, sit here and make sure I do it...

Homer: [whining] Aw...

Bart: Or... you could let me go play with Milhouse, while you spend the afternoon watching unpredictable Mexican sitcoms.

[turns on the TV and "Bumble-Bee Man" is on]

Homer: Hee hee hee. Run along, you little scamp.

Homer: [to Bart] I said I'm gonna punish you and come hell or high water I.. wait a minute. [hears ice cream truck] Ice cream truck! Me, me, I was here first!

Homer: Someday you'll thank me for this, son.

Bart: Not bloody likely.

Homer: No it's true, You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.

Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?

Homer: I like stories.

Homer: You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.

Bart: TV Sucks.

Homer: I know you're upset right now so I'll pretend you didn't say that!

Marge: Do you want your son to grow up to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper?

Homer: Can't he be both like the late Earl Warren?

Marge: Earl Warren wasn't a stripper!

Homer: Now who's being naive?

Kent Brockman: Tonight on "Eye on Springfield", we meet a man who's been hiccupping for 45 years!

Man: [hic!] Kill me! [hic!] Kill me!

Kent Brockman: Let's take a look back at the year 1928. A year when you might have seen Al Capone dancing the Charleston on top of a flagpole. It was also the year of the very first Scratchy cartoon entitled "That Happy Cat." The film did very poorly, but the following year, Scratchy was teamed up with a psychotic young mouse named Itchy and cartoon history was made.

Homer: Bart, didn't I ask you to watch Maggie?

Bart: Sounds like something you'd say.

Snake: [running off with a VCR] Oh, no! Beta!

Chief Wiggum: Aw, isn't that cute, a baby driving a car. Oh, look there's a dog driving a bus!

Lisa: [about Bart] He has the demented melancholy of a Tennessee Williams heroine!

Homer: Don't you think I know that?

Homer: Are you kidding? Lisa turned out perfect! I wont sit here and listen to you badmouthing Lisa!

Marge: We're talking about Bart.

Homer: Oh. That guy.

Milhouse: I've seen the Itchy and Scratchy Movie 13 times.

Nelson: I've seen it 17 times!

Bart: You must be getting pretty tired of that movie by now, huh?

Milhouse: No one who saw the movie'd say that!

Nelson: Let's get him!

Homer: Dad, you and your stories. "Bart broke my teeth", "The nurses are stealing my money", "This thing on my neck is getting bigger."

Bart: [in the future, seeing the "Itchy & Scratchy" movie with an elderly Homer] One senior citizen and one Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

Homer: Mmm... Soylent Green.

Homer: Which one's the mouse?

Bart: Itchy.

Homer: Itchy's a jerk.

Bart: Yeah.

[Grampa sneaks into Jasper's bedroom and steals his teeth.]

Jasper: [Points gun at Grampa] Well, well, well, if it isn't the tooth fairy.