Difference between revisions of "Homer's Enemy/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 16:31, March 6, 2020

Grimes: But this was a contest for children!

Lenny: Yeah, and Homer beat their brains out.

Grimes: Oh, I, I can't stand it any longer. This whole plant is insane. Insane, I tell you! Daahh! Aaah! [runs out of the auditorium, and into an equipment room] I can be lazy too! [takes his tie off, and moons one of the technicians] Look at me, I am a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion! [walks into the break room, and grabs two donuts from the box] Ooh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds! [eats in an exaggeratedly slobbish fashion] [heads into a bathroom; from the bathroom] I'm peeing on the seat. Give me a raise! [emerges from the bathroom and waves his hands in Homer's face] Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands. But it doesn't matter, because I'm Homer Simpson! [runs to Homer's work station and spins around in the chair] I don't need to do my work, 'cause someone else will do it for me. D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! [slaps forehead on each "D'oh!"]

Homer: Hey, you okay, Grimey?

Grimes: I'm better than okay. I'm Homer Simpson.

Homer: [chuckles] You wish.

Grimes: [notices Mr. Burns has walked in] Oh, hi, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster. [walks up to some dangerous-looking wires] What's this? [reads sign] "Extremely High Voltage." Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp-- [zaps]

[Ralph submits a Malibu Stacy Dream House to the nuclear model contest.]

Mr. Burns: Hot tub? Media room? It's supposed to be a power plant, not Aunt Beulah's Bordello!

[At Grimes' funeral, Homer is sleeping.]

Homer: Change the channel, Marge!

[Everyone laughs.]

Lenny: That's our Homer!

Marge: Homer, why aren't you at work?

Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today. I am at work.

Marge: You're afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there, aren't you?

Homer: That's crazy talk. You're crazy, Marge. Get off the road!

[Bart notices that the factory has collapsed.]

Bart: Ah, jeez. Milhouse, how could you let this happen? You were supposed to be the night watchman!

Milhouse: I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over.

Bart: Wow. Wonder where all the rats are gonna go?

[Dozens of rats run out from under the rubble and into Moe's Tavern.]

Moe: Okay, everybody tuck your shirts into your socks!

Frank Grimes: If this were any other country, you'd have starved to death long ago.

Bart: He's got you there, Dad.

Grimes: You're a fraud, a total fraud. [To Marge and the kids] It was nice meeting you.

Grimes: I have had to work hard every day of my life and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase and this haircut! And what do you have to show for you lifetime of sloth and ignorance?

Homer: What?

Grimes: Everything! A dream house, two cars, a beautiful wife, a son who owns a factory, fancy clothes, and [sniffs] lobsters for dinner!

[Homer is about to unwittingly drink a beaker of sulfuric acid when Grimes smashes it out of his hand, causing it to dissolve a wall']

Grimes: You idiot! You almost drank a beaker full of sulfuric acid!

Homer: Acid, eh? Jeez, that would have been stupid! [laughs] Wow, would my face have been red! [laughs again]

Grimes: Stop laughing, you imbecile!! Don't you realize how close you just came to killing yourself?!

[Mr. Burns, walking by, notices the damaged wall.]

Mr. Burns: Who did this to my wall?

Homer: [points at Grimes] He did.

Mr. Burns: Is this true?

Grimes: Well, uh, technically it is true, sir, but...

Mr. Burns: [coldly] Come with me.

Homer: [whispering to Grimes] He likes you.

Moe: As hard as it is to believe, some people don't care for me, neither.

Homer: [shakes head] No, I won't accept that.

Moe: No, it's true. I got their names written down right here, in what I call my, uh, "enemies list".

Barney: [takes the list from Moe and reads it] Jane Fonda, Daniel Schorr, Jack Anderson... Hey, this is Richard Nixon's enemies list! You just crossed out his name and put yours.

Moe: Oh, [writes down] Barney Gumble.

Grimes: [points at Homer] That's the man who's in charge of our safety? It boggles the mind!

Carl: It's best not to think about it.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, I've just seen the most heroic dog on television. He pulled a toddler from the path of a speeding car, then pushed a criminal in front of it. Find this dog. I want to make him my executive vice president.

Smithers: Uh, yes sir. In the meantime, here's Frank Grimes. (Grimes offers his hand, but Mr. Burns just stares at him blankly) The, the self-made man?

Mr. Burns: What? Oh, yes, that fellow. Mmmm, put him somewhere out of the way, and find that dog!

Grimes: Oh, that's my degree in nuclear physics. I'm sure you all have one.

Lenny: Oh yeah, Carl and I each have a masters. Of course, old Homer, he didn't need a degree. He just showed up the day they opened the plant.

Homer: I didn't even know what a nuclear panner plant was.

Homer: (to Grimes, who's walking by) Hiya Stretch, what's the good word?

Grimes: My name is Grimes, uh, Simpson, Frank Grimes. I took the trouble to learn your name, so the least you could do is learn mine.

Homer: Okay, Grimey.

Grimes: Simpson, you've got a 513. (Homer looks at his watch) No, a 513. In your procedures manual - a 513? (Homer looks at his watch again) Look at your control panel.

Homer: Oh, a five THIR-teen. I'll handle it. ( He calmly takes out a bucket of water and pours it on the console. Causing it to short out and silences the alarms) That got it.

[Grimes looks on in horror.]

Grimes: [talking about Homer] God, he eats like a pig!

Lenny: I dunno. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.

Carl: [to Grimes] You new?

Grimes: Yes. My name is Frank Grimes.

Lenny: I'm Lenny. This is Carl and Homer. I'm Lenny.

Grimes: How do you do?

Homer: [picks up one of Grimes' pencils, spilling the rest onto his desk] Wow, you've got pencils with your name on them—just like a pencil company executive. I'd give anything for one of these.

Grimes: [tugs the pencil back out of Homer's hand] Any office supply company can have them made up for you.

Homer: Can I have this one? [tries to tug it back]

Grimes: No.

Homer: Can [thinks] Lenny have it? [tries it again]

Grimes: No.

Grimes: I'm sorry, isn't that...

Homer: Yes, that's me, and the guy standing next to me is President Gerald Ford... And this is when I was on tour with the Smashing Pumpkins... Oh! And here's a picture of me in outer space.

Grimes: You? Went into outer space? You?

Homer: Sure. You've never been? Would you like to see my Grammy award?

Grimes: No! I wouldn't!

Lisa: Can I go downstairs and see what Dad's doing?

Marge: I wouldn't bother him, honey. He's making some sort of model for a contest. He says it's really high-tech stuff that we wouldn't understand.

Homer: [opens basement door] Marge, do we have any elbow macaroni and glue-on sparkles?

Martin: Behold, the power plant of the future, today!

Mr. Burns: Yuck! Too cold and sterile. Where's the heart?

Martin: But it really generates power. It's lighting this room right now. (turns a knob on his model, causing the auditorium lights to dim)

Mr. Burns: You lose, get off my property!

[At the children's nuclear power plant contest.]

Mr. Burns: (to Homer) Could you explain your model, young man?

Grimes: [from audience] What's to explain? He's an idiot!

Lenny: Pipe down!

Bart: [leaning out the window of his factory] Hey, Milhouse! You want a job in my factory?

Milhouse: You don't a have a factory.

Bart: Hey, I'm a busy man. You want a job or not?

Milhouse: Okay! [runs up to join Bart]

Grimes: Can you believe that guy? He's in his office making a pathetic attempt to look professional.

Carl: Hey, what do you got against Homer, anyway?

Grimes: Are you kidding? Does this whole plant have some disease where you can't see that he's an idiot? Look here. [points out a chart tacked to the bulletin board] Accidents have doubled every year since he became safety inspector, and, and meltdowns have tripled. Has he been fired? No. Has he been disciplined? No, no.

Lenny: Eh, everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on pencils.

Carl: Yeah, Homer's okay. Give him a break.

Grimes: No! Homer is not okay. And I want everyone in this plant to realize it. I would die a happy man if I could prove to you that Homer Simpson has the intelligence of a 6-year-old.

Lenny: [to Carl] So, how are you doing?