Difference between revisions of "Homer and Apu/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 17:18, February 22, 2020

Customer 1: I need one twenty-nine cent stamp.

Apu: That's a dollar eighty-five.

Customer 2: I want two dollars worth of gas, please.

Apu: Four-twenty.

Martin: How much is your penny candy?

Apu: Surprisingly expensive.

Homer: Your old meat made me sick!

Apu: I'm so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp.

Homer: This shrimp isn't frozen and it smells funny.

Apu: Okay, ten pounds.

Homer: Woo hoo!

Kent Brockman: All right, are you willing to go undercover to nail this creep?

Homer: No way, man No way, man. Get yourself another patsy, man. No way am I wearing a freakin' wire.

Brockman: All right, all right, all right. Would you be willing to wear a hidden camera and microphone?

Homer: Oh, that I'll wear.

Homer: No, don't kill me! I didn't know there was film in that camera in that hat! I was unaware! I WAS UNAWAAARE!

Apu: Mr. Simpson, you misunderstand me. In my village this is the traditional pose of apology.

Homer: Oh.

Apu: You know, now that I think about it, it may be a little confusing. Many have died needlessly.

Homer: You're selling what now?

Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.

Homer: You can't sell that. Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.

Apu: He's got me there.

Homer: Is he still out there?

Marge: Yes, he's raking leaves.

Homer: What? That's your job. If he starts doing Lisa's wood chopping...

James Woods: Well, to be honest, in my upcoming movie I'm gonna be playing this tightly-wound convenience store clerk and you know, I, kinda like to research my roles and really get into it. For instance, "True Believer," I actually worked in a law firm for two months. And then the film "Chaplin," I had a little cameo in that, I actually traveled in time back to the 1920s where... I've, uh, said too much.

Apu: There she is, there she is, the world's first convenience store.

Homer: This isn't very convenient.

Apu: Must you dump on everything we do?

Kwik-E-Mart president: You may ask me three questions.

Apu: That's great, because all I need is one.

Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?

Kwik-E-Mart president: Yes.

Homer: Really?

Kwik-E-Mart president: Yes.

Homer: You?

Kwik-E-Mart president: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you.

Apu: But, I must --

Kwik-E-Mart president: Thank you, come again.

Apu: But...

Kwik-E-Mart president: Thank you, come again.

Homer: Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

James Woods: Hey! Hey, you're Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, aren't you? You're the... you're like the guy... You're a legend around here. Can I ask you, is it, is it true you once worked ninety-six hours straight?

Apu: Oh, yes. It was horrible. I'll tell you. By the end I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind.

James Woods: Oh, yeah. You know, I studied your old security tapes.

[they start to watch the security tape]

Apu: In a few minutes, I try to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head.

Apu: Ah! The searing kiss of hot lead—how I missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying.

Dr. Hibbert: Well, you are a very lucky man, Apu. You see, the bullet ricocheted off another bullet that was lodged in your chest from a previous robbery.