Difference between revisions of "Homer's Paternity Coot/Quotes"
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
m |
m (Bot: changing parenthesis to bracket, formatting, applying template Qf, deleting empty lines (code: quotes)) |
||
| Line 3: | Line 3: | ||
{{Cleanup}} | {{Cleanup}} | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Commercial}} How often have you driven by a fire and thought 'How can this benefit me?' | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} To hell with that paternity test and its 99.99997% accuracy! | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Sideshow Mel}} ''[after his tires are ripped]'' My tires have been severely damaged! The prophecy has been fulfilled! ''[pointing to sign that reads "Do Not Back Up - Severe Tire Damage"]'' | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Sign}} [[Springfield]] Tire Fire. Now smelled in 46 states. | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Quimby}} People aren't taking the tollbooth! We need those seventy-five centses to de-python the town fountain! Get them through that tollbooth by any means necessary! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Wiggum}} Gotcha. No survivors. ''[gets out a shotgun and cocks it]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Quimby}} No Shooting. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Wiggum}} But it's already cocked. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Quimby}} Okay. Shoot into the fireplace. | |
| − | + | :''[Wiggum does so and laughs]'' | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | '' | ||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Let's go there before the next commercial tells me to do something else. | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Who could my father be? [[Hans Moleman|Moleman]]? [[Mr. Burns]]? ''[gasps]'' {{w|M. Night Shyamalan}}? That would be a twist worthy of his increasingly lousy films! ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season17/coot7.mp3 audio clip]'' | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Ralph}} ''[with a tuba on his head]'' I'm C3-D2! | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[Looking around Mason's study, which is decorated with various adventurer's items]'' So, I infer from all the knickknacks you're some sort of..fruitcake? | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I'm sure my listeners will be pleased about that. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mason}} Listeners? Didn't you say you work for a newspaper? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Uh, no I didn't. I says I work for a radio station. WXI 940. Number one with our viewers. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mason}} Viewers? Wouldn't that be a TV show? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Uh, well, um, oh what the hey. I think you're my pappy! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mason}} Ga-whaaa?! | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} Lisa, I'm not sure that letter is age-appropriate reading. Why can't the government edit our mail like other countries? | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '''Reverend Lovejoy''' '' | + | :'''Reverend Lovejoy''' ''[heading for the toll booth]'' Don't worry, this one's on [[Jesus]]. |
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| + | :''[He takes out the church collection plate which is full of coins. The Jesus figurine on his dashboard looks as if it's about to cry]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Lovejoy}} Oh, be cool for once. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '' | + | :''[Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are at the retirement home visiting Grandpa]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} See, Grandpa, you still have a family. We still visit you even though we have no biological obligation. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grandpa}} So, Homer couldn't make it? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} No, but he told us to say hi. Hi! | |
| − | + | :''[long pause]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} So...what setting is that fan on? | |
| − | + | :''[pause]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grandpa}} Medium. | |
| − | '' | + | :''[pause]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} I would've guessed low. | |
| − | + | :''[pause]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Grandpa}} You would've guessed wrong. | |
| − | '' | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | '' | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | '' | ||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
{{Season 17|Q}} | {{Season 17|Q}} | ||
Revision as of 04:27, November 17, 2019
|
|||||||||
|
|
|
|
This article or section needs to be cleaned up to fit in with the Manual of Style. |
- Commercial: How often have you driven by a fire and thought 'How can this benefit me?'
- Homer: To hell with that paternity test and its 99.99997% accuracy!
- Sideshow Mel: [after his tires are ripped] My tires have been severely damaged! The prophecy has been fulfilled! [pointing to sign that reads "Do Not Back Up - Severe Tire Damage"]
- Sign: Springfield Tire Fire. Now smelled in 46 states.
- Quimby: People aren't taking the tollbooth! We need those seventy-five centses to de-python the town fountain! Get them through that tollbooth by any means necessary!
- Wiggum: Gotcha. No survivors. [gets out a shotgun and cocks it]
- Quimby: No Shooting.
- Wiggum: But it's already cocked.
- Quimby: Okay. Shoot into the fireplace.
- [Wiggum does so and laughs]
- Marge: Let's go there before the next commercial tells me to do something else.
- Homer: Who could my father be? Moleman? Mr. Burns? [gasps] M. Night Shyamalan? That would be a twist worthy of his increasingly lousy films! audio clip
- Ralph: [with a tuba on his head] I'm C3-D2!
- Homer: [Looking around Mason's study, which is decorated with various adventurer's items] So, I infer from all the knickknacks you're some sort of..fruitcake?
- Homer: I'm sure my listeners will be pleased about that.
- Mason: Listeners? Didn't you say you work for a newspaper?
- Homer: Uh, no I didn't. I says I work for a radio station. WXI 940. Number one with our viewers.
- Mason: Viewers? Wouldn't that be a TV show?
- Homer: Uh, well, um, oh what the hey. I think you're my pappy!
- Mason: Ga-whaaa?!
- Marge: Lisa, I'm not sure that letter is age-appropriate reading. Why can't the government edit our mail like other countries?
- Reverend Lovejoy [heading for the toll booth] Don't worry, this one's on Jesus.
- [He takes out the church collection plate which is full of coins. The Jesus figurine on his dashboard looks as if it's about to cry]
- Lovejoy: Oh, be cool for once.
- [Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are at the retirement home visiting Grandpa]
- Marge: See, Grandpa, you still have a family. We still visit you even though we have no biological obligation.
- Grandpa: So, Homer couldn't make it?
- Lisa: No, but he told us to say hi. Hi!
- [long pause]
- Lisa: So...what setting is that fan on?
- [pause]
- Grandpa: Medium.
- [pause]
- Lisa: I would've guessed low.
- [pause]
- Grandpa: You would've guessed wrong.
