Difference between revisions of "Colonel Homer/Quotes"

Revision as of 15:28, August 27, 2012

Homer: Hey! Hey, Lurleen? I gotta say somethin' to ya.

Lurleen: I'm listenin'.

Homer: Your song touched me in a way I've never felt before. And which way to the can?

(the family listens to Lurleen's song on the radio)

Homer: Marge? Whaddya think?

Marge: Well, it's nice... but who is this woman?

Homer: Well, right now she's an out-of-work cocktail waitress, but she's going to be a country music superstar, like, uh... that... jerk in the cowboy hat... and that dead lady.

Marge: I don't like you hanging around some cocktail waitress!

Homer: Marge, you make it sound so seamy! All I did was spend the afternoon in her trailer watching her try on some outfits.

Homer: Don't thank me Lurleen, you should be thanking your brain!

Lurleen: Oh, Homer, no man has ever been this nice to me without... you know, wantin' somethin' in return.

Homer: Well, I was gonna ask you for a glass of water, but now I feel kinda guilty about it.

Lurleen: (laughing) Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar!

Homer: Thanks! You did say sugar, right?

Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.

Homer: Guess what, Lurleen? I got you a gig on TV!

Lurleen: Oh, Homer! You're as smart as you are handsome!

Homer: (angry) Hey! (relaxes) Oh, you meant that as a compliment.

Marge: Just so you know, while you and Lurleen were put judging that greased pig contest, Maggie cut her first tooth.

Homer: That's great, honey. Say, have you seen my rattlesnake headband?

Marge: You're not even listening to me.

Homer: Sure they will!

Homer: They don't call me Colonel Homer because I'm some dumb-ass Army guy.