Difference between revisions of "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie/Quotes"
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| − | {{Season 4 Q}} | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Now be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner. |
| + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} What are we gonna have? | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad... uh... let's see... poison. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad? | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Poison pizza. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, no! I'm not making two stops! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Mrs. Krabappel]]}} Bart has been guilty of the following atrocities: synthesizing a laxative from peas and carrots, replacing my birth control with Tic Tacs... | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Ms. Hoover]]}} You must have read to her at a young age. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I did! I did read to her! ''[flashback to Homer reading to baby Lisa]'' 8:00, ''Happy Days''. The Fonz, Henry Winkler, is worried he's losing his cool. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Well, I've always been a firm believer in the three R's: Reading TV Guide, um... Writing to TV Guide, um... and Renewing TV Guide. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} "My child is on the honor roll at Springfield Elementary." You know, I thought I'd never find a replacement for my "Where's the Beef?" bumper sticker. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Boy, time really flies when you're reading... ''[sees what he's holding]'' the Bible!? Ewww.... | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Ms. Krabappel]]}} I believe that with persistent discipline, even the poorest student can end up becoming, oh, say, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. What great men he would join: John Marshall, Charles Evans Hughes, Warren Berger... Mmmmmmm... Berger... | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} If you don't start making more sense, we're going to have to put you in a home. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Grampa]]}} You already put me in a home. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Then we'll put you in the crooked home we saw on ''60 Minutes''. | ||
| + | {{qf|Grampa}} ''[meekly]'' I'll be good. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[to Bart]'' Young man, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, then he gets to break yours. | ||
| + | {{qf|Grampa}} Aw, this is gonna be sweet. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Boy, you're gonna have to be punished for this. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Dad, you could punish me, but that means you have to think of a punishment, sit here and make sure I do it... | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[whining]'' Aw... | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Or... you could let me go play with Milhouse, while you spend the afternoon watching unpredictable Mexican sitcoms. | ||
| + | |||
| + | :''[turns on the TV and "Bumble-Bee Man" is on]'' | ||
| + | |||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Hee hee hee. Run along, you little scamp. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[to Bart]'' I said I'm gonna punish you and come hell or high water I.. wait a minute. ''[hears ice cream truck]'' Ice cream truck! Me, me, I was here first! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Someday you'll thank me for this, son. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Not bloody likely. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} No it's true, You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Dad, what's the point of this story? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I like stories. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} TV Sucks. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I know you're upset right now so I'll pretend you didn't say that! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Do you want your son to grow up to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Can't he be both like the late Earl Warren? | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Earl Warren wasn't a stripper! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Now who's being naive? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} Tonight on "Eye on Springfield", we meet a man who's been hiccupping for 45 years! | ||
| + | {{qf|Man}} ''[hic!]'' Kill me! ''[hic!]'' Kill me! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Kent Brockman}} Let's take a look back at the year 1928. A year when you might have seen Al Capone dancing the Charleston on top of a flagpole. It was also the year of the very first Scratchy cartoon entitled "That Happy Cat." The film did very poorly, but the following year, Scratchy was teamed up with a psychotic young mouse named Itchy and cartoon history was made. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Bart, didn't I ask you to watch Maggie? | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Sounds like something you'd say. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Snake}} ''[running off with a VCR]'' Oh, no! Beta! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} Aw, isn't that cute, a baby driving a car. Oh, look there's a dog driving a bus! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[about Bart]'' He has the demented melancholy of a [[Tennessee Williams]] heroine! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Don't you think I know that? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Are you kidding? Lisa turned out perfect! I wont sit here and listen to you badmouthing Lisa! | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} We're talking about Bart. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh. That guy. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} I've seen the Itchy and Scratchy Movie 13 times. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Nelson]]}} I've seen it 17 times! | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} You must be getting pretty tired of that movie by now, huh? | ||
| + | {{qf|Milhouse}} No one who saw the movie'd say that! | ||
| + | {{qf|Nelson}} Let's get him! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Dad, you and your stories. "Bart broke my teeth", "The nurses are stealing my money", "This thing on my neck is getting bigger." | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[in the future, seeing the "Itchy & Scratchy" movie with an elderly Homer]'' One senior citizen and one Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Mmm... Soylent Green. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Which one's the mouse? | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Itchy. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Itchy's a jerk. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Yeah. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[Grampa sneaks into Jasper's bedroom and steals his teeth.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Jasper]]}} ''[Points gun at Grampa]'' Well, well, well, if it isn't the tooth fairy. | ||
| + | |||
| + | {{Season 4|Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 01:17, January 24, 2024
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- Marge: Now be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
- Lisa: What are we gonna have?
- Homer: Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad... uh... let's see... poison.
- Lisa: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
- Bart: Poison pizza.
- Homer: Oh, no! I'm not making two stops!
- Mrs. Krabappel: Bart has been guilty of the following atrocities: synthesizing a laxative from peas and carrots, replacing my birth control with Tic Tacs...
- Ms. Hoover: You must have read to her at a young age.
- Homer: I did! I did read to her! [flashback to Homer reading to baby Lisa] 8:00, Happy Days. The Fonz, Henry Winkler, is worried he's losing his cool.
- Homer: Well, I've always been a firm believer in the three R's: Reading TV Guide, um... Writing to TV Guide, um... and Renewing TV Guide.
- Homer: "My child is on the honor roll at Springfield Elementary." You know, I thought I'd never find a replacement for my "Where's the Beef?" bumper sticker.
- Bart: Boy, time really flies when you're reading... [sees what he's holding] the Bible!? Ewww....
- Ms. Krabappel: I believe that with persistent discipline, even the poorest student can end up becoming, oh, say, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
- Homer: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. What great men he would join: John Marshall, Charles Evans Hughes, Warren Berger... Mmmmmmm... Berger...
- Homer: If you don't start making more sense, we're going to have to put you in a home.
- Grampa: You already put me in a home.
- Homer: Then we'll put you in the crooked home we saw on 60 Minutes.
- Grampa: [meekly] I'll be good.
- Homer: [to Bart] Young man, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, then he gets to break yours.
- Grampa: Aw, this is gonna be sweet.
- Homer: Boy, you're gonna have to be punished for this.
- Bart: Dad, you could punish me, but that means you have to think of a punishment, sit here and make sure I do it...
- Homer: [whining] Aw...
- Bart: Or... you could let me go play with Milhouse, while you spend the afternoon watching unpredictable Mexican sitcoms.
- [turns on the TV and "Bumble-Bee Man" is on]
- Homer: Hee hee hee. Run along, you little scamp.
- Homer: [to Bart] I said I'm gonna punish you and come hell or high water I.. wait a minute. [hears ice cream truck] Ice cream truck! Me, me, I was here first!
- Homer: Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
- Bart: Not bloody likely.
- Homer: No it's true, You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
- Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
- Homer: I like stories.
- Homer: You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
- Bart: TV Sucks.
- Homer: I know you're upset right now so I'll pretend you didn't say that!
- Marge: Do you want your son to grow up to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper?
- Homer: Can't he be both like the late Earl Warren?
- Marge: Earl Warren wasn't a stripper!
- Homer: Now who's being naive?
- Kent Brockman: Tonight on "Eye on Springfield", we meet a man who's been hiccupping for 45 years!
- Man: [hic!] Kill me! [hic!] Kill me!
- Kent Brockman: Let's take a look back at the year 1928. A year when you might have seen Al Capone dancing the Charleston on top of a flagpole. It was also the year of the very first Scratchy cartoon entitled "That Happy Cat." The film did very poorly, but the following year, Scratchy was teamed up with a psychotic young mouse named Itchy and cartoon history was made.
- Homer: Bart, didn't I ask you to watch Maggie?
- Bart: Sounds like something you'd say.
- Snake: [running off with a VCR] Oh, no! Beta!
- Chief Wiggum: Aw, isn't that cute, a baby driving a car. Oh, look there's a dog driving a bus!
- Lisa: [about Bart] He has the demented melancholy of a Tennessee Williams heroine!
- Homer: Don't you think I know that?
- Homer: Are you kidding? Lisa turned out perfect! I wont sit here and listen to you badmouthing Lisa!
- Marge: We're talking about Bart.
- Homer: Oh. That guy.
- Milhouse: I've seen the Itchy and Scratchy Movie 13 times.
- Nelson: I've seen it 17 times!
- Bart: You must be getting pretty tired of that movie by now, huh?
- Milhouse: No one who saw the movie'd say that!
- Nelson: Let's get him!
- Homer: Dad, you and your stories. "Bart broke my teeth", "The nurses are stealing my money", "This thing on my neck is getting bigger."
- Bart: [in the future, seeing the "Itchy & Scratchy" movie with an elderly Homer] One senior citizen and one Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
- Homer: Mmm... Soylent Green.
- Homer: Which one's the mouse?
- Bart: Itchy.
- Homer: Itchy's a jerk.
- Bart: Yeah.
- [Grampa sneaks into Jasper's bedroom and steals his teeth.]
- Jasper: [Points gun at Grampa] Well, well, well, if it isn't the tooth fairy.
