Difference between revisions of "Bart the Lover/Quotes"
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| − | {{TabQ | + | {{TabQ}} |
| − | | | + | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Homer Alone|Homer at the Bat}} |
| − | }} | ||
| − | ''A | + | :''[A black-and-white educational film. Jimmy is trying to start his car with no success.]'' |
| − | ''' | + | {{qf|Jimmy}} Hey, what gives? |
| + | {{qf|Jimmy's Dad}} You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc, Jimmy. Well, now your car has no battery. | ||
| + | {{qf|Jimmy}} But I promised Betty I'd pick her up by six. I'd better give her a call. | ||
| − | '' | + | :''[He tries to dial Betty's number, but nothing happens.]'' |
| − | ''' | + | {{qf|Jimmy's Dad}} ''[chuckles]'' Sorry, Jimmy. Without zinc for the rotary mechanism, there are no telephones. |
| + | {{qf|Jimmy}} ''[distraught]'' Dear God, what have I done? | ||
| − | ''' | + | :''[He takes a gun out of the drawer, puts it against his head and pulls the trigger, but it doesn't fire.]'' |
| − | ' | + | {{qf|Jimmy's Dad}} Think again, Jimmy. You see, the firing pin in your gun was made out of - yep - zinc! |
| + | {{qf|Jimmy}} Come back, zinc! Come back! | ||
| − | ''' | + | :''[Dissolve to Jimmy in his bed, talking in his sleep and waving his arms.]'' |
| − | '' | + | {{qf|Jimmy}} Come back... zinc... come back... zinc... ''[wakes up]'' Zinc? Zi... what? ''[sighs in relief]'' It was all a dream. Thank goodness I still live in a world of telephones, car batteries, handguns ''[bang!]'' and many things made of zinc. |
| − | ''' | + | :''[Bart, watching the film in class, casts a shadow over Jimmy's face with his arm.]'' |
| + | |||
| + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Gross, he's picking his nose! ''[the other kids laugh]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | :''[A depressed Edna Krabappel has ended her work day at Springfield Elementary and is doing errands. She first sees a car mechanic to see why her car is acting up. Mechanic tastes a substance from her gas tank.]'' | |
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| − | + | {{qf|Mechanic}} Just as I thought, sugar! Your ex-husband has struck again. | |
| − | '' | + | :''[Mrs. Krabappel buys goods at Kwik-E-Mart.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Apu]]}} Would you like anything else? | |
| + | {{qf|[[Edna Krabappel]]}} One Scratch & Win, Apu. | ||
| − | + | :''[Edna Krabappel scratches off lottery ticket at counter.]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Apu}} So will you remain in teaching? | |
| − | '' | + | :''[Edna scratches off ticket to reveal a losing combination of a lemon, a prune, and a cherry.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Edna Krabappel}} At least until tomorrow. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Maude]]}} Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables? | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Todd]]}} Hell, no. | |
| − | |||
| − | ''' | + | :''[Ned, Maude and Rod gasp.]'' |
| − | ' | + | {{qf|Maude}} What did you say? |
| + | {{qf|Todd}} I said I don't want any damn vegetables. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Ned]]}} Alright, that's it, young man. No Bible stories for you tonight. | ||
| − | '' | + | :''[Todd runs to his room crying.]'' |
| − | ' | + | {{qf|Maude}} Weren't you a little hard on him? |
| − | + | {{qf|Ned}} Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me. | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | ''Bart is watching an old-time black | + | :''[Bart is watching an old-time black-and-white movie to get inspiration for his love letters.]'' |
| − | + | {{qf|Frenchman}} A million poets working for a thousand years could not succeed at describing even ⅜ of your beauty. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Whoa! Slow down Frenchy, this stuff is gold! | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Woodrow]]}} Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Ned}} I'm talking about your potty-mouth. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} "What the hell are you talking about?" | |
| − | [[Homer | + | {{qf|Ned}} That is it. Your swearing is having a negative influence on my son. |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh yeah? The nerve to think you can impose your ways on me! Well, I do not like... your mustache! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Ned}} OK, fair is fair. Tell you what. If you get rid of the potty mouth then I will get rid of the soup-strainer. It is a deal! | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Stupid Flanders, telling me I should not swear! | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} You know Homer, you have let a lot of colorful idioms fly loose, and I am worried it will be a bad influence on the kids. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Well, what am I supposed to do about it? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} You could try one thing my parents did. When my father got out of the Navy he cussed a blue streak. So my mother set it up that every time he swore he had to deposit 25¢ into a swear jar. That broke his swearing! | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} "Damn crappy nails! Superglue my butt!" | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} ''[after the bell rings and the kids leave]'' If anyone wants to learn more about zinc, they're welcome to stay. We can talk about anything. I'll do your homework for ya? | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Ned}} ''[about Todd]'' Is this all he watches? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Maude}} Well, he used to watch Davey and Goliath, but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous. | |
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Groundskeeper Willy]]}} Don't you worry about your wee fish, lass. They're goin' to a better place. ''[flushes them down the toilet]'' | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} ''[reading]'' After two months at sea, the Pilgrims were running out of food and water. ''[Nelson raises his hand]'' Yes, Nelson. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Nelson]]}} Did they have any have yo-yo's? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} No, they did not have yo-yo's. ''[continues reading]'' When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the friendly Wampanog Indians. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} ''[raises his hand]'' Did the Indians have yo-yo's? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} No, they did not have yo-yo's! ''[slams book closed]\\ That's it! ''[slams book onto her desk]'' I am getting sick and tired of talking about yo-yo's. From now on, I will not accept any book reports, science projects, dioramas, or anything else on yo-yo's or yo-yo-related topics. Am I making myself clear? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Yo! | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | ' | + | {{qf|Woodrow}} Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. ---Woodrow |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} I bet we could buy a nice doghouse for $50. | |
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[sigh]'' Marge, you're a tool of doghouse makers. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} I am not! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Yes, you are. You've been brainwashed by all those doghouse commercials on TV. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | '' | + | {{qf|Ned}} Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables. |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Rev. Lovejoy]]}} Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Ned}} No, Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} Oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and... direct them to the Bible. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Ned}} Where in the Bible? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} Uh... Page 900. | |
| − | ''' | + | {{qf|Ned}} But Rev-- |
| + | {{qf|Rev. Lovejoy}} ''[hangs up; looks down at his melted dessert]'' Damn Flanders. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Hey, Lis. A moment of your time. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[stops playing her sax]'' Yeah? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Suppose I was writing my second letter to a girl, and I already used up my A-material. What should I say? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[teases]'' Ooooh, could it be there's a special someone you're not telling me about? ''[puts down her sax and bats her eyelashes coyly]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} Oh, please. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Is it [[Sherri]]? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} No. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Is it [[Terri]]? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} No! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Is it that girl with the lazy eyepatch? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} No! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Is it that exchange student, M!pa? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} No!! It's not for me. It's... homework. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Sure it is. Hey Bart, ''[teasing, makes goo-goo eyes]'' let's do some homework! ''[closes her eyes, makes smacking noises and then puckers up slowly as if to kiss him]'' | |
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} ''[fed up, he pushes Lisa aside]'' | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} I can't help but feel partly responsible. | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Ms. Krabappel}} Bart, you're the closest thing to a man in my life. And that's so depressing, I think I'm going to cry. ''[cries]'' | |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Boy, you've got to go to your teacher and tell her the truth! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} No, Homer, the truth will humiliate her! | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, Marge, I only said it because I thought that's what you wanted to hear! | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Bart}} How about, "Crocodiles bit off my face." | |
| − | + | {{qf|Marge}} That's disgusting! And besides, when a woman loves a man, it doesn't matter that a crocodiles bit off his face. | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I may hold you to that, Marge. | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} 3 simple words: I am gay. | |
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Homer, for the last time, I'm not putting that in. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|Mrs. Krabappel}} It's such a nice day today, let's have detention outside. | |
| + | {{qf|Bart}} It's a date. ''[he takes her hand, and Mrs. Krabappel walk outside into the sunshine]'' | ||
| − | + | {{Season 3|Q}} | |
| − | |||
| − | {{Season 3 Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 10:51, March 5, 2020
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- [A black-and-white educational film. Jimmy is trying to start his car with no success.]
- Jimmy: Hey, what gives?
- Jimmy's Dad: You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc, Jimmy. Well, now your car has no battery.
- Jimmy: But I promised Betty I'd pick her up by six. I'd better give her a call.
- [He tries to dial Betty's number, but nothing happens.]
- Jimmy's Dad: [chuckles] Sorry, Jimmy. Without zinc for the rotary mechanism, there are no telephones.
- Jimmy: [distraught] Dear God, what have I done?
- [He takes a gun out of the drawer, puts it against his head and pulls the trigger, but it doesn't fire.]
- Jimmy's Dad: Think again, Jimmy. You see, the firing pin in your gun was made out of - yep - zinc!
- Jimmy: Come back, zinc! Come back!
- [Dissolve to Jimmy in his bed, talking in his sleep and waving his arms.]
- Jimmy: Come back... zinc... come back... zinc... [wakes up] Zinc? Zi... what? [sighs in relief] It was all a dream. Thank goodness I still live in a world of telephones, car batteries, handguns [bang!] and many things made of zinc.
- [Bart, watching the film in class, casts a shadow over Jimmy's face with his arm.]
- Bart: Gross, he's picking his nose! [the other kids laugh]
- [A depressed Edna Krabappel has ended her work day at Springfield Elementary and is doing errands. She first sees a car mechanic to see why her car is acting up. Mechanic tastes a substance from her gas tank.]
- Mechanic: Just as I thought, sugar! Your ex-husband has struck again.
- [Mrs. Krabappel buys goods at Kwik-E-Mart.]
- Apu: Would you like anything else?
- Edna Krabappel: One Scratch & Win, Apu.
- [Edna Krabappel scratches off lottery ticket at counter.]
- Apu: So will you remain in teaching?
- [Edna scratches off ticket to reveal a losing combination of a lemon, a prune, and a cherry.]
- Edna Krabappel: At least until tomorrow.
- [Ned, Maude and Rod gasp.]
- Maude: What did you say?
- Todd: I said I don't want any damn vegetables.
- Ned: Alright, that's it, young man. No Bible stories for you tonight.
- [Todd runs to his room crying.]
- Maude: Weren't you a little hard on him?
- Ned: Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.
- [Bart is watching an old-time black-and-white movie to get inspiration for his love letters.]
- Frenchman: A million poets working for a thousand years could not succeed at describing even ⅜ of your beauty.
- Bart: Whoa! Slow down Frenchy, this stuff is gold!
- Woodrow: Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit.
- Ned: I'm talking about your potty-mouth.
- Homer: "What the hell are you talking about?"
- Ned: That is it. Your swearing is having a negative influence on my son.
- Homer: Oh yeah? The nerve to think you can impose your ways on me! Well, I do not like... your mustache!
- Ned: OK, fair is fair. Tell you what. If you get rid of the potty mouth then I will get rid of the soup-strainer. It is a deal!
- Homer: Stupid Flanders, telling me I should not swear!
- Marge: You know Homer, you have let a lot of colorful idioms fly loose, and I am worried it will be a bad influence on the kids.
- Homer: Well, what am I supposed to do about it?
- Marge: You could try one thing my parents did. When my father got out of the Navy he cussed a blue streak. So my mother set it up that every time he swore he had to deposit 25¢ into a swear jar. That broke his swearing!
- Homer: "Damn crappy nails! Superglue my butt!"
- Mrs. Krabappel: [after the bell rings and the kids leave] If anyone wants to learn more about zinc, they're welcome to stay. We can talk about anything. I'll do your homework for ya?
- Ned: [about Todd] Is this all he watches?
- Maude: Well, he used to watch Davey and Goliath, but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.
- Groundskeeper Willy: Don't you worry about your wee fish, lass. They're goin' to a better place. [flushes them down the toilet]
- Mrs. Krabappel: [reading] After two months at sea, the Pilgrims were running out of food and water. [Nelson raises his hand] Yes, Nelson.
- Nelson: Did they have any have yo-yo's?
- Mrs. Krabappel: No, they did not have yo-yo's. [continues reading] When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the friendly Wampanog Indians.
- Milhouse: [raises his hand] Did the Indians have yo-yo's?
- Mrs. Krabappel: No, they did not have yo-yo's! [slams book closed]\\ That's it! [slams book onto her desk] I am getting sick and tired of talking about yo-yo's. From now on, I will not accept any book reports, science projects, dioramas, or anything else on yo-yo's or yo-yo-related topics. Am I making myself clear?
- Bart: Yo!
- Woodrow: Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. ---Woodrow
- Marge: I bet we could buy a nice doghouse for $50.
- Homer: [sigh] Marge, you're a tool of doghouse makers.
- Marge: I am not!
- Homer: Yes, you are. You've been brainwashed by all those doghouse commercials on TV.
- Ned: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
- Rev. Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus?
- Ned: No, Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word!
- Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and... direct them to the Bible.
- Ned: Where in the Bible?
- Rev. Lovejoy: Uh... Page 900.
- Ned: But Rev--
- Rev. Lovejoy: [hangs up; looks down at his melted dessert] Damn Flanders.
- Bart: Hey, Lis. A moment of your time.
- Lisa: [stops playing her sax] Yeah?
- Bart: Suppose I was writing my second letter to a girl, and I already used up my A-material. What should I say?
- Lisa: [teases] Ooooh, could it be there's a special someone you're not telling me about? [puts down her sax and bats her eyelashes coyly]
- Bart: Oh, please.
- Lisa: Is it Sherri?
- Bart: No.
- Lisa: Is it Terri?
- Bart: No!
- Lisa: Is it that girl with the lazy eyepatch?
- Bart: No!
- Lisa: Is it that exchange student, M!pa?
- Bart: No!! It's not for me. It's... homework.
- Lisa: Sure it is. Hey Bart, [teasing, makes goo-goo eyes] let's do some homework! [closes her eyes, makes smacking noises and then puckers up slowly as if to kiss him]
- Bart: [fed up, he pushes Lisa aside]
- Bart: I can't help but feel partly responsible.
- Ms. Krabappel: Bart, you're the closest thing to a man in my life. And that's so depressing, I think I'm going to cry. [cries]
- Homer: Boy, you've got to go to your teacher and tell her the truth!
- Marge: No, Homer, the truth will humiliate her!
- Homer: Oh, Marge, I only said it because I thought that's what you wanted to hear!
- Bart: How about, "Crocodiles bit off my face."
- Marge: That's disgusting! And besides, when a woman loves a man, it doesn't matter that a crocodiles bit off his face.
- Homer: I may hold you to that, Marge.
- Homer: 3 simple words: I am gay.
- Marge: Homer, for the last time, I'm not putting that in.
- Mrs. Krabappel: It's such a nice day today, let's have detention outside.
- Bart: It's a date. [he takes her hand, and Mrs. Krabappel walk outside into the sunshine]
