Difference between revisions of "Lisa's First Word/Quotes"

Revision as of 07:44, November 12, 2018

Baby Lisa: Bart!

Toddler Bart: What did you say?

Baby Lisa: Bart?

Bart: Suffering succatash! You can talk! [runs downstairs] Mom! Dad! She can talk! Say it again, Lis.

Baby Lisa: Bart! Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart.

Bart: I'm her first word!

Marge: Well, I'm not surprised. Lisa's crazy about you. She thinks you hung the moon.

Bart: Wow! [to Lisa] Lisa. Can you say 'Mommy'?

Baby Lisa: Mommy.

Bart: Can you say 'David Hasslehoff'?

Baby Lisa: Dabid Hasslehoff. [giggles]

Homer: Can you say 'Daddy'?

Baby Lisa: Homer.

Homer: No, sweetie. 'Daddy'.

Baby Lisa: [pause] Homer.

Homer: D'oh!

[While Bart and Lisa argue, Homer puts Maggie to bed.]

Homer: You know, Maggie. The sooner kids learn to talk, the sooner they talk back. [puts Maggie in her crib] I hope you never say a word.

[Homer leaves the room, closing the door behind him. Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth.]

Maggie: Daddy.

Marge: Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?

Bart: Can you say get bent?

Marge: Bart!

Bart: Mister Rogers says it all the time!

Marge: He does not.

Homer: Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy?

Marge: Kitty. Kitty.

Lisa: Be-bop. Be-bop.

Bart: Shove it. Shove it.

Marge: According to Fretful Mother Magazine, if Maggie doesn't talk at age 1, we should consider a corrective tongue extender.

Bart: Homer!

Homer: Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. Homer's what grownups call me. Call me daddy.

Bart: Homer.

Homer: Daddy.

Bart: Homer.

Homer: [becoming increasingly irate] Daddy.

Bart: Da...da...da...

Homer: Yes?

Bart: D'omer! Hah, hah, hah...

Homer: Why you little... [chokes Bart]

Marge: [telling Bart a bedtime story] Then the prince and the princess... [yawn] got married and lived happily ever after.

Bart: Then what happened?

Marge: Uh...they had 30 sons and thirty daughters.

Bart: What were their names?

Marge: Hmm...Dennis...Brad...Mavis...Brad... [falls asleep]

Homer: Got your nose! Heh heh heh.

Bart: Got your wallet! [flushes it down toilet]

Marge: There's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now!

Homer: We're going to start doing it in the morning?!

Marge: I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger house.

Homer: No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart'll sleep with us until he's 21.

Marge: Won't that warp him?

Homer: My cousin Frank did it.

Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.

Homer: He became Francine back in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.

Selma: Hey Bart, want a dollar? Uh uh uh, you know what I wanna hear.

Bart: [singing] I'm a little teapot short and stout, this is my handle this is my spout. The incy wincy spider went up the water spout...

Selma: Oh yeah! Love that spout medley.

Marge: Once we get the cats out of the way, it won't be too bad.

Realty agent: Actually, according to the will, the cats own the house. You'd be their tenants!

Lisa: I wish we lived in the kitty house.

Bart: I could've trained them to be my unholy army of the night. Go, my pretties! Kill! Kill!

Homer: Dad, I have a problem.

Grampa: Why did you come to me? I don't know nothin'. I used to get by on my looks. Now they're gone... withered away like an old piece of fruit. [sobs]

Homer: Are you done?

Grampa: No, not yet! I was voted the handsomest boy in Albany, New York!

Homer: Dad, I don't need advice! I need $15,000 to buy a home!

Grampa: Oh, well. All I own is this house, that I built with my own two hands!

Homer: You didn't build this house! You won it on a crooked 50's game show!

Grampa: I ratted on everybody and got off scot-free!

Grampa: All right, son, I'll sell this dump and write you a check.

Homer: Dad, first you gave me life, now you've given me a home for my family, I'd be honored if you came to live with us.

Grampa: Thank you!

Bart: [in the present] So how long before you shipped Grampa off to the old-folks home?

Homer: About three weeks.

[Everyone laughs.]

Lisa: When do we get to my first word?

Homer: Your what?

Lisa: My first words!

Homer: Nah, you don't want to hear that story. I know. I'll tell you about the time I got locked in the bank vault with Mr. Mooney. It was another one of my harebrained schemes.

Lisa: Dad!

Homer: Wait a minute. That was "The Lucy Show". Okay, where were we?

Bart: Mom was preggers and Dad threw all our money down a sink hole.

Ned: If you need anything just give a whistle.

Homer: I could use a TV tray.

Ned: Well, gee...

Homer: What?

Ned: Uh, I just this minute bought it at the hardware...

Homer: You said "anything".

Ned: Heh, sure, you can borrow it for...a little while.

Homer: [in the present] And that little while is now 8 years and counting. Heh, heh, heh.

Bart: [during his "terrible two's" phase; he's banging pans and chanting while Marge is resting in her bedroom with a washcloth on her forehead] I am so great! I am so great! Everybody loves me, I am so great!

Marge: Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey. Could you please be quiet?

Bart: Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quie --

Marge: Bart, get out!

Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Bart: Krusty funny!

Homer: Duh.

Bart: Can't sleep, clown'll eat me.

Marge: Homer, I think the baby is coming.

Homer: Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life?

TV Announcer: Next up, an hour-long episode of "Mama's Family."

Homer: Yes!

Ned: We'll take good care of your boy, Simpson. Enjoy the miracle of creation!

Homer: Shut up, Flanders.

Ned: Supper time, boys!

Todd: Oh boy: liver!

Rod: Iron helps us play.

Marge: [about Bart after Lisa's born] According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.

Homer: Well, Bart can kiss my hairy yellow butt.

Marge: I saved this newspaper from the day Lisa was born.

Lisa: Mondale to Hart: "Where's the beef?"

Bart: "Where's the beef?" What the hell that's supposed to mean?

Homer: [laughs] "Where's the beef"... No wonder he won Minnesota.

Patty: The older they get, the cuter they ain't.

Dr. Hibbert: [at Lisa's checkup] [laughs] She has the relexes of a young Mary Lou Retton. Have a wowwipop. [gives Lisa one]

Bart: Can I have a lollipop?

Dr. Hibbert: Oh Bart, I'm afraid that was the last one. But I've got something even better for you: a rubella inoculation! [holds up a giant needle]

Bart: I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.

Marge: I'm sorry, Bart, you're too little.

Homer: Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. [puts it on his head]