Difference between revisions of "The Parent Rap/Quotes"

Revision as of 18:08, March 12, 2017

Homer: "Hey, knock it off! These pants cost $600."

Moe: "Really?"

Homer: "Yeah, they're Italian."

Moe: [Points a gun at Homer] "All right, hand 'em over."

Homer: "Moe, what the--"

Moe: "Yeah, I rob now."

Homer: "Say, is that our house?"

Bart: "I don't think our house has a steeple."

Homer: "Oh yeah. I forget things sometimes."

Judge Harm: "Grand theft auto?!"

Bart: "It was an accident, ma'am!"

Judge Harm: "Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it’s frosting!"

Homer: [Angrily] "What did she say about cupcakes?"

Bart: "You there! Put your hands up!"

Ned: "Me? Okay."

Bart: "Now, drop your pants!"

Ned: "But my hands are up."

Bart: "Hula out of them!"

Ned: "Alright, officer."

Judge Harm: "Well, I thought Dad was the probelm, but apparently Mom is no prize pig herself. It's a miracle poor Bartholomew isn't robbing banks and chasing sweet Lady H."

Bart: "I'm a latchkey kid."

Lisa: "You are not!"

Bart: "Come on, Dad. I got to go to the bathroom."

Homer: "Oh, I just got comfortable! Use the bottle."

Marge: "No! I don't want you going in a bottle. That's what hobos do!"

Bart: "Come on, Homer!"

Homer: "No!"

Bart: "Mom!"

Marge: "Aw geez, Homer, just take him to the bathroom!"

Homer: "Fine! I don't know why we even have a bottle! Somebody tell me!"

Bart: "The town keeps getting bigger. Will there always be enough electricity?"

Homer: [Laughs] "Ah, son, you know that's none of your business."

Officer: "Sir, you are not a size 4."

Homer: "I used to be!" [Starts crying]

Judge Harm: "You have got a boy here who is crying out for adult supervision!"

Homer: "I couldn't agree more. Perhaps some sort of court-appointed babysitter or au pair?"

Judge Harm: "Sorry, bub, that crow won't caw."

Homer: "It won't?"

Homer: "I love our court days."

Marge: "It's about the only thing we do as a family anymore."

Milhouse: "If we're late for school, we'll miss our free federal breakfast."

Bart: "Big deal! It's just saltines and fig paste."

Milhouse: "Ewww! Saltines!"

Judge Harm: [to Bart] "According to this, your father was driving you to school. Then where was he when you stole the police car?"

Homer: "Uh, your honor? I was chasing the KBBL Party Penguin Price Patrol."

Judge Harm: "You abandoned your son to win forty dollars!?"

Homer: "And a Blue Oyster Cult medallion [Takes out the medallion] Cool."

Judge Harm: "And that was more important than keeping your son out of trouble?"

Homer: "Your honor, if I may sing a little bit of, "Don't Fear The Reaper", I think you'll agree that--"

Judge Harm: "I'm familiar with B.O.C.!"

(Homer, tethered to Bart, enters Moe's.)

Moe: "Hey, hey, no kids in the bar."

Homer: "Since when?"

Moe: "Oh, the heat's been on since them Bush girls were in here."

(Lisa comments on Homer being tethered to Bart.)

Lisa: "Creative sentencing is common these days. That's why Bill Clinton is our mailman."

Judge Harm: "Not only that, you are horrible parents, you're also violent criminals. I'm going to have you two locked up 'til frogs do fractions."

Bart: "Your Honor, may I say something?"

Judge Harm: "Well, it is highly unorthodox... so no!"

Bart: "Please, your Honor?"

Judge Harm: "Oh, I can't resist that look. You remind me of me when I was a little boy."

Bart: "Your Honor, it's not easy being my parents. I'm always screwing up in school and getting in trouble with the law. But if I grow up to be a halfway decent person, I know it will be because of my Mom and Dad. Everyone else might give up on me, but my parents never will."

Lisa: [proudly] "Thats my brother."

Snake: "Um, did she just say she used to be a dude?"

Kirk Van Houten: "Judge, please don't send my boy to juvie. He's just weak, both morally and in the upper body."

Judge Harm: "I hereby order you to be tethered to your son."

Homer: "Tethered?"

Judge Harm: "Tethered. Report to room 5."

Homer: "Room 5?"

(Marge has cut the tether and triggered the alarm and Judge Harm's image appears out of the tether.)

Judge Harm: "That's right it's me, Judge Harm, through the magic of fiber optics."

Homer: "Hey, hey, hey, h-how about that? Huh, huh?"

Judge Harm: "Quiet, tubsy. You violated my order."

Homer: "But Constance, it only happened because--"

Judge Harm: "Hey, hey, if I want a cock and bull story, I'll read Hemingway."

(Watching Judge Harm on television.)

Marge: "Of course she's never had children, look at how high and firm her breasts are!"