Difference between revisions of "Homer the Moe/Quotes"

Revision as of 04:48, August 31, 2012

Lisa: "Where's Bart? His Mountain Dew's getting flat."

Marge: [Looking out the window.] "That's odd. He's outside, digging."

Homer: "Probably digging for drugs."

Marge: "There's no drugs out there!"

Homer: "No." [suspiciously] "Of course not."

Marge: "Bart, this is Dr. Kaufman. He's a special kind of talking doctor."

Dr. Kaufman: "Call me Bob. Well, that's quite a hole you're digging."

Bart: "Thanks, Bob."

Kaufman: "A-heh. You know, a hole's a great place to hide when people are fighting. Are there angry people in your house?"

Bart: "My dad's always yelling that whitey's keeping him down."

Kaufman: [writing notes] "I see..."

[Moe interupts Homer's story about Bart digging.]

Moe: "That is the stupidest story I ever heard, and I've read the entire Sweet Valley High series."

Homer: "Geez, Moe, you've been a real crank lately."

[Moe pulls a shotgun from behind the bar, cocks it, and points it at Homer]

Moe: "You take that back!"

[Bartender Homer takes a prank call.]

Homer: [phone rings] "Yello?"

Bart: [on phone] "Um, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger. First name Ollie."

Homer: "Ooo, Bart! My first prank call! What do I do?"

Bart: "Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger."

Homer: "I don't get it."

Bart: "Yell out, 'I'll eat a booger.'"

'Homer: "What's the gag?"

Bart: "Oh, forget it!"

[Bart hangs up in frustration.]

[Homer's impromptu street song]

I'm a walking down the street,

Gonna open Moe's bar,

I'm a-singin' what I'm thinkin',

Hey, look at that dog!

[Moe's new tavern, 'M,' is open]

Carl: "I don't get all this eyeball stuff." [Referring to giant close-ups of eyes on video screens] "What are they supposed to represent? Eyeballs?"

Moe: "It's 'Po-Mo!'"

[Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl stare at him blankly.]

Moe: "Post-Modern?"

[They continue to stare blankly.]

Moe: "Yeah, all right. 'Weird for the sake of weird.'"

Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl: "Ohh!"

[Sung to the tune of Joan Jett's "I Love Rock 'n' Roll"]

Homer, Lenny, Carl and Barney: "I won't drink at Moe's. Homer's old garage is all I need!

I won't drink at Moe's..."

Homer: "...'cause Moe's a big jerk, and a she-male, too!"

[Homer's version of R.E.M.'s "It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)"]

Leonid What's-his-name,

Herman Munster, Motorcade,

Birthday party, Cheetos,

Pogo-sticks and lemonade,

Symbiotic stupid jerks,

That's right Flanders,

I'm talkin' about you!

Homer: "Turkeys...the only animal smarter than man."

Homer: "I'm sorry I shot you, Moe."

Moe: "Aw, that's okay. It's like my dad always said, 'Eventually, everybody gets shot.'"