Testing 1-2-3/Quotes
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- Miss Hoover: Class, it's time for our standardized test to see how well the school taught to the standardized test.
- [students groan]
- Lisa: Yes! I mean... [groans]
- Lisa: Why does Hubert get to take the test in that paradise?
- Groundskeeper Willie: They turned my mop closet into a quiet room for Hubert's unique needs. What about Willie's unique need? A quiet room to sob into his mop?
- Annette: We'll be testing you for three neurological differences today. Here's the first one. Go nuts. Oops. I'm not supposed to say that word. One of our crazy rules. Ah, sorry, not supposed to say that either. One of our crazy regulations.
- Superintendent Chalmers: What the hell happened here, Seymour?
- Principal Skinner: [stammers] I'm not sure. I was working on the school budget, and, uh, now it's now.
- Chalmers: "Now it's now" is the first thing you've said that makes sense, and it doesn't even make sense.
- State Comptroller Atkins: I respect a man who still uses a handkerchief.
- Principal Skinner: It's not a handkerchief. I was so nervous, I ripped out the lining of my pants pocket.
- Principal Skinner: Good morning, Shauna.
- Shauna Chalmers: [sarcastically] Oh, awesome. My dad's flunky is our new principal.
- Principal Skinner: Thank you. I'm happy to be here.
- Shauna: The students are going to love you. They're totally not gonna slash your tires.
- [tire pops, hiss sound]
- Principal Skinner: Great. I won't turn around to check what that hissing noise is, then.
- Principal Skinner: Welcome to Saturday detention. For the next eight hours, you're going to sit here quietly, thus becoming the best versions of yourselves.
- Shauna: Say less.
- Principal Skinner: Don't budget my verbiage.
- Shauna: "Say less" means "I get it."
- Principal Skinner: I'm not sure I "say less" what you're saying, but I'll take it up with Google tonight after my bath.
- Principal Skinner: I just don't understand why you're fighting. After you graduate, none of you will ever see each other. High school doesn't matter.
- Shauna: The new principal is right. This really is the best time of our lives.
- Kearney Zzyzwicz: I love you guys.
- Principal Skinner: Ugh, that wasn't my point at all. Detention isn't about learning lessons. It's about sitting still and being unhappy.
- Squeaky-Voiced Teen: But we've changed as individuals and as a group. And maybe you have, too.
- Principal Skinner: Nope. Change isn't my thing. And neither is high school. I quit.
- Shauna: You can't leave us. You're the best principal we've ever had.
- Principal Skinner: Say less. And I mean that literally, not in your new weird way.
- Bart: Oh, come on, Big Dumb. We know you're gonna order one of everything.
- Homer: I want... [gasps] a turkey leg.
- Marge: We waited in the sandwich line for over an hour. We have to order something here.
- Lisa: Actually, we don't. You're falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy.
- Homer: I started reading a book about sunk costs and hated it, but I had to finish because I needed to find out what the fallacy was.
- Homer: I'm gonna make a belt. All mine keep shrinking.
- Homer: Come on, pointy head. Kill square head. Go for the eye hole. Do it for thy favor.
- Dr. Hibbert: Now remember, leave those leeches on for at least a half an hour. And if the dark humors return, one of the women in your household is probably a witch.
- Marge: [sighs] You've had a big day. Maybe we should get back to the 21st century.
- Homer: Sounds like witch talk.
- Homer: Maybe I can finish his flying machine.
- Marge: Finish? You? Name one thing you finished during this entire, endless, exhausting day. Or ever.
- Homer: I finished caring about da Vinci.
- Marge: I feel a little bad for yelling at your father for just being who he is.
- Lisa: Yeah. A day with Dad can be challenging, but it's never boring.
- Bart: But it's weird how many times we end up in stocks.
- Comic Book Guy: Move that standee an inch to the left. Casper should be in the undead section. Yoda straight needs to be.
- Comic Book Guy: Oh, my Zod. Do you also think your actions are causing and preventing disasters?
- Kumiko Albertson: Tsunami.
- Comic Book Guy: Meteor.
- Kumiko: I've always known you're obsessive-compulsive. The way you organize your junk drawer or how you chew your Hot Pocket exactly 72 times.
- Comic Book Guy: Well, I don't want George Lucas to die.
- Lisa: So where'd you get your degree?
- Annette: Wesleyan.
- Lisa: Oh.
- Annette: Well, Ohio Wesleyan.
- Lisa: Oh.
- Annette: Well, Miami of Ohio Wesleyan.
- Lisa: Oh.
- Annette: Well...
- Lisa: I'm just gonna get back to the test.
- Annette: We had a really good lacrosse team.
- Lisa: Oh.
- Annette: It's also where I met my husband. He helped carry my boxes on move-in day. He was my roommate's dad.
- Lisa: Oh, my God.
- Annette: Well, we were only roommates for the first semester. Then I moved off campus. But I'd see her when she came home for the holidays. It wasn't always easy, you know. Stepkids, am I right?
- Lisa: You married your roommate's father?
- Annette: He was really nice, unlike her mom. She hated me.