  
No Business Like Snow Business
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
| No Business Like Snow Business
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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No Business Like Snow Business is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Holiday Whodunnit content update.
Dialogue[edit]
| Between December 17, 2021 and January 12, 2022
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Now what do we do? We have no evidence, and no suspects.
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I have one. *furrows brow* Mr. Snake Jailbird.
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You're just profiling him for all his crimes in the past...
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What about...Hank Scorpio?
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I don't know, he's on the run in Belize. Plus, he's a crypto billionaire now — why would he do this?
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Fat Tony?
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Fat Tony loves all things Christmas. He hands out turkeys from his trucks. It's his favorite holiday.
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Well, while we think of other people to point fingers at, I could go for a bite to eat.
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I know of a few good vegetarian places.
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How about Krusty Burger? I'm in the mood for a nice beefy burger.
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You...eat meat?
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Living off chlorophyll sucks — it doesn't even scratch the surface of the food pyramid. I mean, what category would you put "sun" in anyway?
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You're a weird tree, Herb.
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So, burgers?
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Sure, they have a good meatless burger now!
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Let's do it!
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Task: "Collect Magnifying Glasses" (x150).
Task: "Answer Christmas Trivia".
Task: "Make Lisa Go to Krusty Burger". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Herb Tannenbaum is owned: Task: "Make Herb Tannenbaum Go to Krusty Burger". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Marge is owned: Task: "Make Marge Go to Krusty Burger". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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Get those decorations up! I need Krusty Burger decked out in full Christmas style!
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Krusty, aren't you Jewish?
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Christmas decorations are how you make money. Take a business class, kid.
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Excuse me, are you the little girl who's investigating the attack on Santa?
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Am I invisible? Does no one see me here?
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Yes, that's me. I'm Lisa Simpson.
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Excellent, you stand right there while I film some B-roll.
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Why are you filming my daughter? Don't we need to sign something first?
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Are you the mother?
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Well, yes.
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Even better! A mother-daughter crime-solving duo! That's perfect!
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Perfect for what?
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My true crime TV show!
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Whoa...that's so cool! Did your show start out as a podcast?
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It's the only way to get on TV these days.
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
Santa Sideshow Bob
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| After completing Pt. 1
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So, welcome to my true crime show I'm making about this whole Santa attack mystery. It's like the movies I make for Heartmark but not romantic and cheesy, and much more gruesome.
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Oh, you work for Heartmark? That's my favorite channel!
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I should introduce myself. Mary Tannenbaum: Heartmark Senior Vice President of Romantic Mystery Content and Executive of the Pumpkin Spice Murder Division.
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Oh, well I'm Marge. Senior...mother of three beautiful children.
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Three children? You look incredible!
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So, you're making a true crime show?
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That's the plan. And you and your mother would be a large part of my vision. You could help piece together the clues, film reenactments...
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I'll just need you to sign this five hundred and twenty-four page stack of standard release forms.
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And what part will I play in your film, as someone who was also attacked alongside Santa?
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Probably insignificant. It's obvious Santa was the main target. And our focus groups don't respond well to sentient arboreal beings in lead roles.
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Really?
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It's been heavily researched.
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Well, our primary suspect's alibi just checked out, so I was thinking we'd head up to Mt. Useful to interview suspects taking part in the sleigh race. Just by racing in the race shows clear motive.
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Can I tag along if you don't mind?
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Do I at least get a Producer credit?
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Nope.
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What about a "special thanks"?!
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Have your people talk to my people.
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Task: "Collect Magnifying Glasses" (x150).
Task: "Answer Christmas Trivia".
Task: "Make Marge Read the Contract". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Lisa Dream of Stardom". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Herb Tannenbaum is owned: Task: "Make Herb Tannenbaum Negotiate a "Special Thanks" Credit". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Mary Tannenbaum is owned: Task: "Make Mary Tannenbaum Film B-Roll". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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I want you guys to listen to my crime podcast called "He Probably Did it but Not Sure Yet" to get a sense of how the show will work.
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Sure! I love crime podcasts!
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Well, I'm doing a little meet-and-greet with other crime podcasters to announce our new show.
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Oooh, I've always wanted to go to a fancy convention. Can I wear a nice dress?
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Of course. See you there.
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This is so exciting, Watson.
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Can't we just drop the Sherlock stuff since we're about to both become crime TV sensations?
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Hey! Someone stole my salad and I wasn't finished with it!
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Quick! Start recording! A theft at a crime podcast convention! This is perfect!
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How did you feel when you first noticed your salad was stolen? And had the salad been dressed?
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I had just added the dressing before it was taken.
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A cold night in December, a missing plate, an empty seat... I'm going to title this podcast "Gone, Bibb-y, Gone" or "Kaleknapped: The Story of the Missing Salad".
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What about "The Golden State Kale-r"?
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
Christmas Krusty Burger
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| After completing Pt. 2
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Whaddya want, kid? I'm off the clock. Autographs are twenty bucks. And no, I will not draw something on you so you can get it tattooed...unless you pay me sixty bucks.
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I just wanted to ask you about your whereabouts on the night Santa was attacked.
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Whoa, you trying to jam Krusty up on camera? Get that thing outta my face!
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*filming* We're just making a film about the attack on Santa. *pushes in close* If you're innocent then you have nothing to worry about.
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Jeez, I was working on my holiday special all night when the fatso got attacked. You happy?
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Prove it!
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Ooh, Marge. I love it. Bring the fire. *pans the camera dramatically*
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Task: "Collect Magnifying Glasses" (x150).
Task: "Answer Christmas Trivia".
Task: "Make Krusty Call His Lawyer". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Lisa Question Krusty". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Mary Tannenbaum is owned: Task: "Make Mary Tannenbaum Get Dramatic Interrogation Footage". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Marge Consider Waterboarding". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Herb Tannenbaum is owned: Task: "Make Herb Tannenbaum Try to Get on Camera". The job takes place at Krusty Burger, Anime Krusty Burger, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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Alright. Your alibi checks out.
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For now...
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I told you! Also, what'd you think of the rough cut of my special? Should I keep or take out all the insensitive jokes?
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You already know the answer to that.
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I really don't. That was genuine. Anyway, can I go?
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For now...
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
Krusty Sleigh + animated job
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| After completing Pt. 3
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Lisa? Marge? Strange woman with a camera crew? What are you doing up here at Mt. Useful? Are you coming to cheer me on?!
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We ran out of leads in the Santa case, so thought we'd come question people doing the sleigh race. They all have a motive, as you know.
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And I'm filming it for cable TV. *whip pans camera to Bart's reaction*
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I'm confused, so are you a producer, TV executive, writer, director, or camera operator?
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We make so many Heartmark movies a year that you end up doing a little of everything.
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Last year I was a teamster building sets and then replaced Debra Messing for the lead role in a movie after "Will and Grace" got rebooted for the third time.
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Well, this is fun! The whole family is here! Me and Bart will be out there snowmobiling if you need us.
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Actually, Dad. Where were you on the night of Santa's attack?
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Wait, waaaaaaaaaaaa??!!
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Task: "Collect Magnifying Glasses" (x175).
Task: "Answer Christmas Trivia".
Task: "Make Lisa Question Her Own Father". The job takes place at Mt. Useful, Mountain Lodge, Sugarloaf Mountain, Homer's Snowmobile Homerlayas, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
If Mary Tannenbaum is owned: Task: "Make Mary Tannenbaum Get Reaction Shots". The job takes place at Mt. Useful, Mountain Lodge, Sugarloaf Mountain, Homer's Snowmobile Homerlayas, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Marge Interview Other Racers". The job takes place at Mt. Useful, Mountain Lodge, Sugarloaf Mountain, Homer's Snowmobile Homerlayas, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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Sorry, what was your name again?
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Mary Tannenbaum.
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Right. And you're Herb Tannenbaum?
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Nice to meet ya.
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And you two AREN'T related?
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*looking at Herb* He's a tree...
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It just doesn't make sense. Same last name — heavily featured in the plot of this update. Are you married to each other?
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Nope!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
Bag a Reindeer Hunting Range
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| After completing Pt. 4
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Ah, I'm here to sign up for the sleigh race.
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Sure, just fill out the sheet here, and make sure to list the details on what sort of sleigh power you'll be using, as we have some strict rules.
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My little chariot runs on police-issued pepper spray.
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Okay, so it's fueled entirely by pepper spray.
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I also have a few prisoners Rudolphing the sleigh in exchange for decreased jail time.
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That seems illegal.
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Well, they committed crimes. So yes, it would be illegal in that sense.
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Chief Wiggum? You're joining the sleigh race? What about the investigation!?
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Oh, that? I solved Santa's whole attack thing already. It was like Murder on the Orient Express — his reindeer teamed up and did it.
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That's the worst investigating of all time.
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*chuckles* I was just kidding! It wasn't a bunch of reindeer — it was Snake.
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Again with Snake? You can't just place blame on someone because they've committed almost every other crime in the city's history.
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I'm not. I'm placing blame on him because he works at the Bag a Reindeer Hunting Range where the crime took place.
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Wait, what?
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Case...a-closed. I win cop of the year. Now to win this sleigh race!
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Task: "Collect Magnifying Glasses" (x175).
Task: "Answer Christmas Trivia".
Task: "Make Lisa Be Amazed That Wiggum Did Police Work". The job takes place at Mt. Useful, Mountain Lodge, Sugarloaf Mountain, Homer's Snowmobile Homerlayas, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Wiggum Fail to Provide Any More Evidence". The job takes place at Mt. Useful, Mountain Lodge, Sugarloaf Mountain, Homer's Snowmobile Homerlayas, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Marge Be Certain Snake is the Culprit". The job takes place at Mt. Useful, Mountain Lodge, Sugarloaf Mountain, Homer's Snowmobile Homerlayas, or a Visitable Home and takes 4 hours.
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Snake...Jailbird.
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Marge...Simpson.
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Homer...Simpson.
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Homer? What are you doing here?
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I saw you run off all of a sudden toward Santa's Village. I was just wondering what's going on, thought I'd follow. Crap, I forgot Bart at Mt. Useful. Gotta go! *runs off*
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Now, where were we?
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Saying each other's names, slowly, apparently.
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So you work here at Bag a Reindeer Hunting Range. Did you work the night of the attack on Santa?
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I did. Bagged more that night than ever before. But I was already off when the attack happened.
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I headed from work to Moe's at 9:37pm for a beer. Then stopped at Kwik-E-Mart for a quick robbing at 10:20pm. Then home and into bed promptly at 10:45pm to watch my baking show.
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That's a very specific timeline. Almost as if...you'd practiced it.
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Or...I've been through this many times before and I've learned to cover my own butt any time someone gets clubbed in the back of the head.
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Well now. Isn't that interesting. I don't believe the reports ever released the information that Santa was hit in the back of the head.
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They did, actually. But good try. It would've been really cool if that had been true though.
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Yeah, Mom. They did actually say that.
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Alright, well we're still gonna check your alibi!
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Quest reward: 100 and 10
Snake's House Bundle and  1
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Currency-earning jobs[edit]
| Task
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Character(s)
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Time
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Location(s)
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Reward
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| Steal Magnifiers From School Science Lab
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Lisa, Marge, Homer, Bart, Wiggum, Krusty, Snake, Sideshow Bob
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4h
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 5, 45
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| Borrow Magnifiers From Prop Department
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Mary Tannenbaum, Park Ranger
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The Heartmark Channel, Springfield Community Theater, Old Theatre District, Open Air Stage, Chinese Acrobatic Theater, Simpson House
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8, 70
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Behind the Laughter[edit]
The quest name is a reference to the song "There's No Business Like Show Business" by Irving Berlin from the musical Annie Get Your Gun.
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