Interminable Crisis: The Extreme Alternate Edition/Quotes

Quotes

Narrator: And so, the Superior Squad triumphs again over the evil villainy of Sinister Van Dalus! But this time, the crime-busting clique is on the horns of a dilemma...

Weasel Woman: What are we going to do with Van Dalus now?

Purple Haze: He's immortal and nothing seems to kill him!

Lure Lass: And he always has a new plot to conquer the world!

Captain Squid: Weasel Woman asks a good question... No matter how many times we lock up Van Dalus, he manages to escape!

Radioactive Man: Plasmo? Why don't you tell our teammates what you've come up with?

Plasmo: I shall cast a spell that will render the immortal villain helpless. He will be banished to the cosmos, unable to move or speak, until the end of time.

Fallout Boy: Or at least until he breaks free again!

Plasmo: I understand your skepticism, Fallout Boy! But there is no escape from this particular enchantment!

Lure Lass: How can you be certain, Plasmo?

Plasmo: By the swirling Sargasso of Sham-ba-lah, I say to you, Lure Lass and all my Superior Squad teammates... ...no power in the known universe will be able to set Sinister Van Dalus free to wreak havoc ever again!

Milhouse Van Houten: B-Bart! An alternate edition?!? But there's no mention of a Zirconium Variant in any of the price guides!

Bart: Hey, Comic Book Guy! What makes that edition so rare?

Comic Book Guy: The publisher never released it! It is believed to be a bootleg! Whoever printed this went through great trouble and spared no expense! Of course, I would never want to profit by illegal means. However, it is in absolute mint condition...

Bart: Dude! Can we look at--?

Comic Book Guy: Certainly not! The only way I can keep this publication pristine is to make sure rubber-necks and browsers do not get their fingerprints, oily palms, or sweat on these highly coveted pages! Why, this book hasn't even been cracked opened yet!

Mr. Burns: Smithers! Why is this issue of Katzenjammer Kids priced so outrageously? It's only in "fine condition," if that!

Waylon Smithers: The Gonnagetbeat Price Guide says that issue contains "Good Mama" art, sir. Ah, Mr. Burns? I hope you haven't forgotten...

Mr. Burns: Oh, very well, Smithers. Just point me to the penny dreadfuls, and you can be on your way to your little pageant.

Smithers: Thank you, sir. It takes a while to apply the accessories to the costume!

Comic Book Guy: Step right up, my good men... I always have time for three of the hottest writers in comics today! I say to thee, Willis Cameron Wendall, Joe Jeffs, and Brant Garrison, thy names are legend!

Joe Jeffs: Yeah, thanks... Hmm! I thought I'd seen all the "Interminable" variants, but I've never seen that edition before!

Willis Cameron Wendall: Man, I'd love to get a shot at writing the Superior Squad!

Joe: I think those characters are definitely due for an overhaul!

Brant Garrison: Perhaps the portly mate will let us take a look-see?

Comic Book Guy: Yes, yes, of course! But I have a favor to ask in exchange, one that I hope you can accommodate me with, since I am willing to satisfy your curiosity...

Joe, Willis, or Brant: Okay, what can we do for you?

Comic Book Guy: It will save me considerable time and energy not to stand in line to get your autographs, if you please, would you sign your recent issues of "Dared Evil", "Amazon Woman" and "All-Star Trapezoid Man" for me right here?

Willis: [GROAN]

Joe: Do you have a pen?

Brant: We haven't got all day!

Lou Mangrove: Gordon, tell the fans how you created Sinister Van Dalus back in the day.

Gordon Farr: It was so long ago. Van Dalus came to me in a dream...

Lou: Really?

Gordon: Yes! I dreamt that a monkey was caught in the tail of a comet... ...resulting in the simian evolving over the eons to challenge mankind with an advanced intellect and immortality and a mandate to rule the universe. God bless the golden age of comics, eh? No one really looked too closely at the logic of some origins back then-- But that dream was a nightmare! The character wasn't left for obscurity! I begged the editors not to revive Van Dalus! For over forty years, Van Dalus was forgotten... ...but now he's been brought back. Sure, he's been defeated, but you can't underestimate him. He's evil! Eeevvvill!

Lou: Okaaaay... switching gears now, tell us about the Kooba Cola drinking contest you had with some of your bullpen buddies back in the '40s...

Attendee: Boy, and the pros say we fans take the stories too seriously!

Bart: People of Springfield! What are we waiting for? It's a call to arms, man! This is our chance to help the Superior Squad!

Lenny Leonard: I came to this con for fun, not to get involved in some parallel universe squabble!

Carl Carlson: I heard of getting involved in an issue, but this is ridiculous!

Barney Gumble: We don't even know what the beer is like in that universe!

Bart: Hey, man, all I know is evil is evil! If that villain takes over Plasmo's world, what makes you think he won't want to take over this one next?

Grampa: What's wrong with you people?! In my day, we would've taken up cape and cowl to prevent anything from happening to our earths!

Sinister Van Dalus: With the Superior Squad helpless, we can now take over the world as we see fit! I'll carve each of you a little bit of territory to have a token of my appreciation for your support.

Larceny Lass: Hold on there, Van Dalus... ...who put you in charge? We're all grateful you've managed to defeat our archenemies, but still...

Sinister Van Dalus: Excuse me, Larceny Lass... Who came up with the master plan to subdue all the superheroes? Who had the creativity to think outside of the box? And most importantly... ...who still has control of the ones that can write annoying characters into oblivion?

Brant: We can reveal that she's a clone, boss...

Joe: ...and the knowledge drives her insane!

Willis: Or we can just break her spine, so she's confined to a wheelchair. It's up to you, boss!

The Mighty Smiter: Verily, I, the Mighty Smiter, have smashed yon robot with my faithful mallet Kjohler! 'Tis best that thou watch out below, because Kjohler was the only thing keeping me airborne!

Bartman: Radioactive man! Wow! Am I glad to see you!

Radioactive Man: Good work, boy! You and your friends saved Zenith! Uh... do I know you?

Bartman: Sure you do! There was that time with Kang and Kodos I used a trans-temporal reality-integrator cannon to transport you from Zenith to Springfield and--

The Sciencester: It's not like Bart to get bogged down in continuity.

The Scarlet Whimpernel: Whether or not Radioactive Man remembers meeting Bart, I'm sure someone, some-day, will be able to explain it!

The Entangler: Homer! Are you really eating that vehicle?

The Ingestible Bulk: Absolutely, sweetie! Do you want to see me polish off this carburetor?

The Entangler: Homie, what did I tell you about cutting back on your carbs?

Turanga Leela: Fry? Hey, Fry! What's with you and that old comic book you found? You couldn't wait to break the plastic it was in, now you can't put it down... Fry! Are you listening to me?

Philip J. Fry: Must release Van Dalus... Must release Van Dalus...

Leela: Bender, talk to him. We've got work to do!

Bender: C'mon Fry! You meatbags take those funny books way too seriously!