The Last of the Red Hat Mamas/Quotes
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Homer: "Burns' mansion"?! That's Mr. Burns' mansion!
Wiggum: Lou, talking like the chief doesn't make you the chief! Lou: No, to be chief I'd have to wiggle into size 58 pants! Wiggum: Oh, here it goes with the fat jokes! I just wish you could hit the easy targets on the firing range! You know... (pause, sees Lou preparing to cry) Lou, why must we hurt each other so? Lou: (crying) Because... it's easier to be cruel than to say what you really feel. Permission to hug, chief. Wiggum: Permission granted.
Ralph: (picking up eggs not noticing he is dropping them and picking up the same one again and again) Yay! Bart: Ralph, your basket has a hole in it. Ralph: (stares blankly for a while) You're Lisa's Brother!
Homer: (in a fight with Hugs Bunny the Egg Hunt referee) Silly rabbit, kicks are for ribs!
Homer: You're just like all Easter bunnies; can't take a punch to the crotch!
Burns: Now, while we're out, remind me to get my eyes "re-balled" and my brain flushed out with vinegar. Smithers: Yes, sir. Oh, and your knees will be back from the shop tomorrow. Burns: Excellent.
Tammy: I'm Tammy, and these are the women of the Cheery Red Tomatoes. Marge: (gasp) The national organization for women of a certain age? Agnes: Yeah, only we don't sit around watching TV and eating bonbons, except on TV-Bonbon night, which is every Tuesday and Thursday.
- (Homer and Marge are having dinner in the basket of a hot-air balloon. There is a thud and the camera pans upward, showing Moe on top of the balloon.)
Moe: I can't believe this happened to me twice!
- (In a flashback, Milhouse is walking through Italy with Grandma Nana Sophie.)
Milhouse: (voice-over) My grandma hated English, 'cause in World War II, a GI left her with child, my uncle Bastardo. She only spoke Italian to me. Nana Sophie: (Italian) These, my cherub, are olives. Young Milhouse: I love you, Nana. (gets slapped) Nana: Idiota! Milhouse: (voice-over) Every time I spoke English, she hit me. Young Milhouse: Ow, that hurt. (gets slapped) Nana: Idiota! Young Milhouse: I'm sorry I'm so stupid. Nana: Milhouse Mussolini Van Houtan, parla in italiano, IDIOTA! (chases Milhouse with an olive branch)
- (Back to the present.)
Milhouse: That's how I learned Italian and started wetting my bed.
Marge: I never had the courage to sky dive before! Tammy: When we get back, we have a surprise for you. Marge: Oh! Now I really hope my chute opens!
- (The girls go into a circle while Moe dives through them attempting suicide.)
Moe: Goodbye, cruel world! (to the girls) Ladies.
Lisa: I studied all night. I even made flashcards. (Milhouse takes the flashcards and rips them up) My efforts! Milhouse: Lisa, you don't learn Italian! You live Italian!
Luigi: Mr. Milhouse, I need your help! I don't know the translation to the cheese in my lasagna. Lisa: But Luigi, surely you speak Italian. Luigi: (sigh) No, I don't. I speak-a, how you say, fractured English. It's what my parents spoke at the home.
Miss Springfield: Joe! You said your wife was dead! Quimby: And you said you graduated from Typing School! Miss Springfield: I have trouble with the spacebar.
- (At the Easter Egg hunt, Nelson takes four eggs from a bird's nest.)
Lisa: Nelson, those don't count as Easter Eggs. Nelson: Yeah, but they count as breakfast.
- (Nelson eats one of the unhatched eggs. Several birds then fly in and begin pecking at his face.)
Nelson: Ow! Ow! Ow! It was worth it!
Homer: If Marge is going bird watching, then why did she leave our copy of The Field Guide to the Birds by Roger Tory Peterson on our kitchen shelve?
- (Opens book and begins reading.)
Homer: (gasp) Roadrunners are real!
Wiggum: (watching Eddie direct traffic) Look at him tease that Subaru. And that guy can't get a girl; I'll never figure it out.
Skinner: Okay, Lisa, to go to Italy you must have outstanding grades. Check. Uh-oh. In order to go, the person must speak fluent Italian. Lisa: (lying) Uh, check. Skinner: You speak Italian? Lisa: Of course! Why would I lie? Skinner: Hmm, faultless logic. Of course, I must ask you to speak a few phrases to verify your fluency. (Lisa makes a nervous noise) Though not right now, 'cause I have meetings. (Lisa makes a relieved noise) How's tomorrow? (Lisa makes a nervous noise) 'Cause it's terrible for me. But I'll get back to you... soon. Italian tape: "Voglio affittare una barca piccola." - I would like to rent a small boat.
- (Lisa stops tape, repeats, then pushes "play")
Tape: "Progetto di scaricare questo corpo nell'oceano." - I plan to dump this body in the ocean. Lisa: Huh? (she looks at the tape case, which says "Italian for Italian-Americans") Tape: Ciò è che cosa ottenete per fare le domande! - This is what you get for asking questions! (gunshots are heard and Lisa throws the tape in the garbage)
Lisa: Hmm, "Spend a summer in Rome". Sherri: Rome? Terri: Founded by twins by the way. (sees Lisa is gone) Hey, where'd she go? Sherri: Oh, well. Let's speak in our secret twin language.
- (Sherri and Terri then go into a bizarre language of high-speed jabbering and body movement.)
Marge: (after learning of the plan to break into Burns' mansion) Are there any other surprises? Tammy: I'm not a natural red-head.
- (Marge faints.)
Agnes: I'll handle the vault. Burns told me the combination while feeling me up during the Depression. Zero to the left, zero to the right, back to...zero.
Burns: (about to hand a giant cheque before snatching it back) Instead of giving the money, I will use it to extend my life, another ten minutes. Smithers.
- (Smithers takes out a giant marker pen and writes the word VOID over the cheque.)
Burns: And the register.
- (Smithers uses the pen to draw a cross over the reply slip.)
