The Food Wife/Quotes
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- Marge: And here's a marble for Lisa for cleaning her room, and a marble for Bart for not trashing Lisa's room. The jars are full, so you've earned your Saturday Surprise Dad Day!
- Bart & Lisa: Yay!
- Homer: This Saturday, from the dad who brought you cemetery paintball and go-karts on real roads, comes the greatest activity yet...
- Bart & Lisa: Video game convention!
- Marge: The kids sure had a good time with you.
- Homer: Yeah, I was on today. Scary on.
- Marge: How come they never call me Fun Mom?
- Homer: Look, honey, a family's like a team. And on every team, you have the slam-dunking megastar and the referee.
- Marge: It's not fair. Moms want to be fun, but we're stuck with all the mom stuff.
- Homer: Okay, okay, how about this: next week, you take the kids on a Saturday Surprise Dad Day.
- Marge: What if... we roll pennies and go to the dollar store?
- Homer: That's good, Marge! Get all the terrible ideas out of your system.
- Lisa: Mom, we're hungry.
- Marge: Oh. I guess we could make a sprint for one of these local establishments.
- Lisa: They're using pancakes as spoons.
- Bart: Ooh, let's see what else they do wrong.
- Comic Book Guy: Wait, wait, wait, what is she eating? They've never served me that dish, and I wear indigenous beaded headgear.
- Marge: Oh, this? It's just a little Zelzel Minchet Aletcha Wat. It's all I ever eat here.
- Sideshow Mel: They have prepared her a dish from the non-translated page! So grab a pancake and slurp some slop! Foodies, heed my call! Commence ripping and dipping!
- Marge: Kids, I was thinking, was it really such a great idea to invite your father to that dinner?
- Lisa: Relax—Dad will be the life of the party. He'll be the fourth Mouthketeer.
- Marge: But there weren't four Musketeers.
- Lisa: Yeah-huh. Athos, Porthos, Aramis and D'Artagnan.
- Marge: D'Artagnan wasn't a Musketeer. He only had a letter of introduction to the captain of the guards—which he lost!
