The Sweetest Apu/Quotes
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- [Apu is preparing a hangman's noose]
- Apu: Over, under, round and round so your feet won't touch the ground. [he throws the noose rope over a pipe] Now, let's see what awaits me in the next life. [he looks over a reincarnation chart] First I was a tiger, a snake, a Clod, a goat with a hat, then me. [looks at his next incarnations] Hoo, a tapeworm, then assistant to Lorne Michaels! It's going to be a rough couple of lifetimes.
- Homer: [to Apu] I saw you and that Squishee Lady canoodling like junkyard rabbits!
- [At the Civil War re-enactment.]
- Principal Skinner: Hey you dead people, stop playing cards! And Stonewall Jackson, stop rollerblading!
- Disco Stu: The south will boogie again!
- Manjula: Not tonight. I said, not tonight! Wait, something's wrong, why aren't you pressuring me for sex.
- Apu: Oh I'm just happy to lie here appreciating and respecting you.
- Manjula: Okay buster, what is going on.
- Apu: Nothing. How could you even accuse me of repeated infidelity? Oh I'm so angry I could just fall asleep.
- Homer: Nothing, nothing, there's nothing eating me up inside. [his eyeball is twitching and moving all over the place]
- Marge: Oh, it must be something big. Something you did? Something you saw. [gasps] Apu is having an affair?
- Homer: I know! Can you believe it? Oh, Manjula is just going to die.
- Homer: The Squishee Lady! Oh my god. I know you must get this all the time, but can I suggest a flavor.
- Squishee Lady: Go ahead.
- Homer: Grape.
- Apu: Please, could you just take the children home? The porno magazine buyers are too embarrassed to make their move. Look.
- Moe: C'mon!
