The Front/Quotes
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- Homer's Brain: This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
- Homer: Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
- Marge: Oh, my God!
- Homer's Brain: No, the other secret!
- Homer: Marge, I never graduated from High School.
- Marge: Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it does.
- Grampa: [writing a letter'] Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.
- Bart: What are you going to change your name to when you grow up?
- Lisa: Lois Sanborn.
- Bart: Steve Bennett.
- Bart: Didn't you wonder why you were getting checks for doing nothing?
- Grampa: I figured it was because the Demmie-crats were back in power.
- Lisa's Brain: Poor predictable Bart. Always takes 'rock'.
- Bart's Brain: Good ol' 'rock'. Nuthin' beats that!
- Bart: Rock!
- Lisa: Paper.
- Bart: D'oh!
- Secretary: Is this the Abraham Simpson who wrote the Itchy and Scratchy episode?
- Grampa: Ishy and what? No, you must be some kind of crazy person.
- Secretary: I'm sorry, but we have a substantial check here for a Mr. Abraham Simpson.
- Grampa: That's right. I did the Iggy.
- Homer: I never passed Remedial Science 1A.
- Marge: And you're a nuclear technician?
- Homer: Marge! Ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay.
- Marge: What did you say?
- Homer: I dunno. I flunked Latin, too.
- Grampa: Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.
- Singers: Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders.
- Homer: Not me!
- Singers: Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders!
- Ned: Knock that off, you two. It's time for church!
- Rod: We're not going to church today!
- Ned: What? You give me one good reason!
- Todd: It's Saturday.
- Ned: Okely dokily-doo!
- Singers: Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders.
- Dondelinger: Alright, here are your exams, fifty questions true or false.
- Homer: True.
- Dondelinger: Homer, I was just describing the test.
- Homer: True.
- Dondelinger: Look Homer, just take the test and you'll do fine.
- Homer: False.
- Dondelinger: Now, I'm going to burn this donut to show you how many calories it has.
- Homer: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
- Dondelinger: The bright blue flame indicates this was a particularly sweet donut.
- Homer: This is not happening!
- Roger Meyers, Jr.: Hey, how would you kids like a tour of the studio? Abe, are you coming?
- Grampa: Any stairs?
- Roger Meyers, Jr.: Just one.
- Grampa: Nuts to you.
- Lisa: Grampa, how did you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?
- Grampa: I don't know!
- Homer: Alright brain. You don't like me and I don't like you. But let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer
- Homer's Brain: It's a deal.
- Dondelinger: Welcome to Remedial Science 1A. My wife recently passed away. I thought that maybe teaching would ease my loneliness.
- Homer: Will this be on the test?
- Dondelinger: No!
- Homer: Ohhh. (erases note from his cheat sheet)
- Bart: What about Grampa? He's pretty out of it. He let those guys use his checkbook for a whole year.
- Bart: Hey, Grampa, we need to know your first name.
- Grampa: You're making my tombstone!?
- Bart: I'll never watch an awards show again.
- Homer: I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch.
- Homer: What can I say? It hasn't been easy staying in my rut.
