Husbands and Knives/Quotes
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- Milo: These books are meant to be read and enjoyed, not hoarded and then sold when you get divorced.
- Homer: We're gonna be rich! We can finally afford to start a family!
- Marge: We have a family!
- Homer: A better one!
- Bart: Who's stronger, the Thung or the Mulk?
- Comic Book Guy: (to Milhouse) Nice work, Doctor Boo-Who. Your tears have smudged Wolverine's iconic sideburns. Hence, you must buy this comic. And the cost of your innocent accident is... $25, please.
- Milhouse: But that's the money Yaya Sophia gave me for Greek Orthodox Easter.
- Comic Book Guy: (sighs) I hate when they tell me things about themselves.
- (Comic Book Guy has just noticed a new comic store that has opened up across the street.)
- Comic Book Guy: Philip K. Dick! It can't be! It's as if Superman moved to Gotham City!
- Martin: Which he did, in World's Finest Comics #94. (points to the comic.) See?
- Comic Book Guy: That was an imaginary story, dreamt by Jimmy Olsen after he was kicked in the head by Supergirl’s horse, Comet. It never really happened.
- Bart: None of these things ever really happened.
- Comic Book Guy: Get out of my store.
- (A local Krusty Burger is being closed down.)
- Krusty: (sobbing) I can't believe the Labor Board is shutting me down.
- Labor Board Official: You lock your workers in at night!
- Krusty: It's so they can't tell their stories!
- Bart: Alan Moore, you wrote my favorite issues of Radioactive Man.
- Alan Moore: Oh really, so you liked that I made your favorite superhero a heroin addicted jazz critic who's not radioactive?
- Bart: I don't read the words. I just like when he punches people. How do you make his costume stick so close to his muscles?
- Alan Moore: Ughhh.
- Milhouse: Mr. Moore, will you sign my DVD of Watchmen Babies? Which of the babies is your favorite?
- Alan Moore: You see what those bloody corporations do? They take your ideas and they suck them! Suck them like leeches until they've gotten every last drop of marrow from your bones!
- (Comic Book Guy bursts into Coolsville.)
- Comic Book Guy: Attention, comic book aficionados! (points at Milo) This man is not one of us. (Comic Book Guy points at a girl named Strawberry and the crowd gasps.) He has a girlfriend!
- Strawberry: My name is Strawberry. My purse is a lunch box.
- Lisa: I really identified with the girls in Ghost World. They made me feel like I wasn't so alone.
- Daniel Clowes: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you know anyone at Batman? 'Cause I really want to draw Batman, I'm awesome at utility belts. (he points to a picture of a utility belt) Check these out. This is where the Batman keeps his money in case he has to take the bus.
- Lisa: Mm-hmm.
- (Comic Book Guy is destroying Coolsville.)
- Art Spiegelman: Oh, no! The store's in trouble!
- Alan Moore: League of Extraordinary Freelancers, activate!
- (Art Spiegelman puts on a Maus mask.)
- Art Spiegelman: Maus is in the house!
- (Homer explains his surgery to Bart and Lisa)
- Homer: Kids, daddy underwent a special procedure so he can be more attractive to your mother.
- Bart: You had your hot dog plumped?
- Homer: No! I had my stomach stapled!
- Opal: Marge, I thank you for creating Shapes. And, uh, my boyfriend thanks you, too!
- Opal's audience: Oooooh!
- Marge: When is Straightman going to pop the question?
- Opal: (obviously uncomfortable) Uh... uh... (to audience) You're all getting German cuckoo clocks!
- (The audience cheers)
