Difference between revisions of "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?/Quotes"
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:''[It's time for the annual company physicals at [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant]].]'' | :''[It's time for the annual company physicals at [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant]].]'' | ||
:'''Tester:''' ''[looking at readout]'' This can't be right. This man has 104% body fat! | :'''Tester:''' ''[looking at readout]'' This can't be right. This man has 104% body fat! | ||
| − | :''[The tester turns to see | + | :''[The tester turns to see Homer eating a chicken drumstick while he's suspended in the buoyancy tank.]'' |
:'''Tester:''' Hey, no eating in the tank! | :'''Tester:''' Hey, no eating in the tank! | ||
| − | :'''Homer:''' Go to Hell. | + | :'''[[Homer]]:''' Go to Hell. |
---- | ---- | ||
| Line 13: | Line 13: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[The results from the company physical show that radiation from the nuclear plant has made | + | :''[The results from the company physical show that radiation from the nuclear plant has made Homer sterile. To keep him from suing, [[Mr. Burns]] concocts a story about Homer getting the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. All he has to do is sign a form (which is actually a waiver). At Homer's insistence, Burns includes a trophy and a big awards ceremony.]'' |
:'''[[Lisa]]:''' This show is the biggest farce I ever saw! | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' This show is the biggest farce I ever saw! | ||
:'''[[Bart]]:''' What about the Emmys? | :'''[[Bart]]:''' What about the Emmys? | ||
| Line 19: | Line 19: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[Burns introduces Smokin' | + | :''[Burns introduces Smokin' Joe Frazier, who presents the award.]'' |
| − | :'''Joe Frazier:''' And now, the winner of the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence ... | + | :'''[[Joe Frazier]]:''' And now, the winner of the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence ... |
:'''[[Homer]]:''' ''[eyes closed, crossing fingers]'' Please-please-please-please-please! | :'''[[Homer]]:''' ''[eyes closed, crossing fingers]'' Please-please-please-please-please! | ||
:'''[[Lisa]]:''' Dad, you know you won! | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' Dad, you know you won! | ||
| Line 26: | Line 26: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[Meanwhile, | + | :''[Meanwhile, Homer's half-brother Herb has been living as a bum since losing his [[Powell Motors|car company]]. He sees a young mother struggling to understand her baby, and gets the idea of inventing a [[baby translator]] to make his fortune back.]'' |
| − | :'''Herb:''' ''[talking to fellow bums]'' I'm tellin' you, all a man needs is an idea. And I've got an idea! | + | :'''[[Herb]]:''' ''[talking to fellow bums]'' I'm tellin' you, all a man needs is an idea. And I've got an idea! |
:'''Bum:''' Then how come you're still a bum? | :'''Bum:''' Then how come you're still a bum? | ||
:'''Herb:''' All right, a man needs '''two''' things. An idea, and money to get it off the ground. | :'''Herb:''' All right, a man needs '''two''' things. An idea, and money to get it off the ground. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[While the family are in a furniture store shopping for a new couch, | + | :''[While the family are in a furniture store shopping for a new couch, Homer tries out a fancy vibrating recliner called the "[[Spinemelter 2000]]" and falls in love.]'' |
:'''Homer:''' ''[still vibrating]'' I-I-I-I-'l-l-l-l-l t-t-t-a-a-a-k-k-k-e-e-e i-i-i-t-t-t-t-t-t!!!! | :'''Homer:''' ''[still vibrating]'' I-I-I-I-'l-l-l-l-l t-t-t-a-a-a-k-k-k-e-e-e i-i-i-t-t-t-t-t-t!!!! | ||
:'''[[Marge]]:''' ''[looking at price tag]'' This chair is two thousand dollars! We could buy a whole living room set for that. | :'''[[Marge]]:''' ''[looking at price tag]'' This chair is two thousand dollars! We could buy a whole living room set for that. | ||
| Line 38: | Line 38: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[After accidentally going to the [[Flanders family|Flanders]] house, | + | :''[After accidentally going to the [[Flanders family|Flanders]] house, Herb rings the Simpsons' doorbell and waits for someone to answer.]'' |
:'''Herb:''' What am I gonna say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions. How to express them? | :'''Herb:''' What am I gonna say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions. How to express them? | ||
| − | :''[The door finally opens. It's | + | :''[The door finally opens. It's Homer.]'' |
:'''Homer:''' Herb? | :'''Homer:''' Herb? | ||
:''[Herb punches Homer in the jaw and walks inside.]'' | :''[Herb punches Homer in the jaw and walks inside.]'' | ||
| − | :''' | + | :'''Bart and Lisa:''' Unky Herb! |
:'''Herb:''' Bart! Lisa! I'm so glad to see you. ''[They hug.]'' | :'''Herb:''' Bart! Lisa! I'm so glad to see you. ''[They hug.]'' | ||
:'''Homer:''' ''[rubbing his head]'' You weren't so glad to see me. | :'''Homer:''' ''[rubbing his head]'' You weren't so glad to see me. | ||
| Line 51: | Line 51: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[The Simpsons and | + | :''[The Simpsons and Herb sit down to dinner. Bart makes small talk.]'' |
:'''Bart:''' Unky Herb, what advice would you give to a boy who will most likely become a bum like yourself? | :'''Bart:''' Unky Herb, what advice would you give to a boy who will most likely become a bum like yourself? | ||
:'''Herb:''' Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese. | :'''Herb:''' Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[After borrowing | + | :''[After borrowing Homer's $2,000 of "Excellence" money and spending hours working with Maggie, Herb is ready to unveil his baby translator prototype.]'' |
:'''Herb:''' Now, I bet you're all wondering what's under this sheet. | :'''Herb:''' Now, I bet you're all wondering what's under this sheet. | ||
:'''[[Bart]]:''' Not really. We peeked inside while you were in the john. | :'''[[Bart]]:''' Not really. We peeked inside while you were in the john. | ||
| Line 68: | Line 68: | ||
:'''Homer:''' I'll try, but I can't. | :'''Homer:''' I'll try, but I can't. | ||
:''[Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles. The translator goes into action.]'' | :''[Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles. The translator goes into action.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' Lavish attention on me and entertain me. | + | :'''[[Maggie]]:''' ''[via translator]'' Lavish attention on me and entertain me. |
:'''Marge:''' ''[gasps]'' Maggie! You talked! | :'''Marge:''' ''[gasps]'' Maggie! You talked! | ||
:'''Herb:''' You see? It tells you exactly what's on the baby's mind. | :'''Herb:''' You see? It tells you exactly what's on the baby's mind. | ||
| Line 82: | Line 82: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[At the Baby Convention, | + | :''[At the Baby Convention, Herb's translator is a big hit and sells extremely well, making him his fortune back. Herb pays Homer back the $2,000 he borrowed and gives gifts to Marge and the kids.]'' |
| − | :'''Homer:''' ''[looking forlorn]'' Herb, I don't think there's a | + | :'''Homer:''' ''[looking forlorn]'' Herb, I don't think there's a vibrating chair in that bag for me. |
:'''Herb:''' Homer, walk me to my car. ''[They go outside.]'' | :'''Herb:''' Homer, walk me to my car. ''[They go outside.]'' | ||
:'''Homer:''' What do I get? What do I get? It's not another punch in the face, is it? Because if it is, I don't want it. | :'''Homer:''' What do I get? What do I get? It's not another punch in the face, is it? Because if it is, I don't want it. | ||
Revision as of 01:40, November 12, 2018
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- [It's time for the annual company physicals at Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.]
- Tester: [looking at readout] This can't be right. This man has 104% body fat!
- [The tester turns to see Homer eating a chicken drumstick while he's suspended in the buoyancy tank.]
- Tester: Hey, no eating in the tank!
- Homer: Go to Hell.
- Marge: How was your day at work, dear?
- Homer: [matter-of-factly] Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough.
- [The results from the company physical show that radiation from the nuclear plant has made Homer sterile. To keep him from suing, Mr. Burns concocts a story about Homer getting the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. All he has to do is sign a form (which is actually a waiver). At Homer's insistence, Burns includes a trophy and a big awards ceremony.]
- Lisa: This show is the biggest farce I ever saw!
- Bart: What about the Emmys?
- Lisa: I stand corrected.
- [Burns introduces Smokin' Joe Frazier, who presents the award.]
- Joe Frazier: And now, the winner of the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence ...
- Homer: [eyes closed, crossing fingers] Please-please-please-please-please!
- Lisa: Dad, you know you won!
- Homer: Don't jinx it!
- [Meanwhile, Homer's half-brother Herb has been living as a bum since losing his car company. He sees a young mother struggling to understand her baby, and gets the idea of inventing a baby translator to make his fortune back.]
- Herb: [talking to fellow bums] I'm tellin' you, all a man needs is an idea. And I've got an idea!
- Bum: Then how come you're still a bum?
- Herb: All right, a man needs two things. An idea, and money to get it off the ground.
- [While the family are in a furniture store shopping for a new couch, Homer tries out a fancy vibrating recliner called the "Spinemelter 2000" and falls in love.]
- Homer: [still vibrating] I-I-I-I-'l-l-l-l-l t-t-t-a-a-a-k-k-k-e-e-e i-i-i-t-t-t-t-t-t!!!!
- Marge: [looking at price tag] This chair is two thousand dollars! We could buy a whole living room set for that.
- Homer: Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service ... but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.
- [After accidentally going to the Flanders house, Herb rings the Simpsons' doorbell and waits for someone to answer.]
- Herb: What am I gonna say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions. How to express them?
- [The door finally opens. It's Homer.]
- Homer: Herb?
- [Herb punches Homer in the jaw and walks inside.]
- Bart and Lisa: Unky Herb!
- Herb: Bart! Lisa! I'm so glad to see you. [They hug.]
- Homer: [rubbing his head] You weren't so glad to see me.
- Herb: I'm sorry, Homer. But I'm still mad at you. Every word you say just makes me want to punch you in the face!
- Homer: Well, while you're a guest in my home, could you just kick me in the butt?
- Herb: I'll try, but I'm not making any promises.
- [The Simpsons and Herb sit down to dinner. Bart makes small talk.]
- Bart: Unky Herb, what advice would you give to a boy who will most likely become a bum like yourself?
- Herb: Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.
- [After borrowing Homer's $2,000 of "Excellence" money and spending hours working with Maggie, Herb is ready to unveil his baby translator prototype.]
- Herb: Now, I bet you're all wondering what's under this sheet.
- Bart: Not really. We peeked inside while you were in the john.
- Herb: Well, here it is again. My baby translator! [pulls the sheet off]
- Marge: [impressed] Oooooooooo!!!
- Herb: Marge, you don't have to humor me.
- Marge: Well, it's pretty ingrained.
- Herb: What do you think, Homer?
- Homer: Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew two thousand dollars on it when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks!
- Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?
- Homer: I'll try, but I can't.
- [Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles. The translator goes into action.]
- Maggie: [via translator] Lavish attention on me and entertain me.
- Marge: [gasps] Maggie! You talked!
- Herb: You see? It tells you exactly what's on the baby's mind.
- Lisa: [covering Maggie's eyes] Maggie? Maggie?
- Maggie: [via translator] Where did you go?
- Lisa: [uncovering Maggie's eyes] Peek-a-boo!
- Maggie: [via translator] Oh, there you are. Very amusing.
- Herb: Well, Homer, now what do you think?
- Homer: I don't know, Herb. People are afraid of new things. You should have taken an existing product and put a clock in it or something.
- Marge: Homer, every mother in the country is going to want one of these.
- [Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles again.]
- Maggie: [via translator] I have soiled myself. How embarrassing.
- [At the Baby Convention, Herb's translator is a big hit and sells extremely well, making him his fortune back. Herb pays Homer back the $2,000 he borrowed and gives gifts to Marge and the kids.]
- Homer: [looking forlorn] Herb, I don't think there's a vibrating chair in that bag for me.
- Herb: Homer, walk me to my car. [They go outside.]
- Homer: What do I get? What do I get? It's not another punch in the face, is it? Because if it is, I don't want it.
- Herb: This is what you get. I forgive you. You can call me "brother", and I can do the same.
- Homer: That's it?
- Herb: That's it.
- Homer: I see your point—brother.
- Herb: Give me a hug—brother.
- Homer: All right, but I've never really hugged a man before.
- [As the two brothers embrace, a delivery truck from The Seatery pulls into the driveway, behind Homer.]
- Herb: Homer, I bought you the damn chair.
- [Now ecstatic, Homer covers Herb with kisses.]
