Difference between revisions of "Bart Carny/Quotes"

Revision as of 15:46, August 4, 2016

(Marge is trying yo push Santa's Little Helper into the backyard)

Marge: Come on! You have to go outside to do your... business.

Homer: The experts say that if you want an animal to do something, you should do it yourself first, to show 'em how.

Marge: I'm not going to the bathroom in the backyard.

Homer: Pfft. Sor-ree, Your Majesty.

(Bart and Lisa are dressed in overalls, gloves and straw hats)

Bart: But I can't go out dressed like this! What if someone sees me?

Marge: You're just going into our backyard. No one will see you.

(Bart opens the door and looks out)

Nelson: (off camera) Haw...

(Bart slams the door. Marge points at the door and Bart opens it again)

Nelson: (off camera) Haw!

(Bart looks at the chores list)

Bart: Man, look at all this stuff... pull weeds, mow lawn, scoop and bag dog business. There's gotta be a way out of this. Lisa! Chop off my hands!

Lisa: No! Then who'd chop off my hands?

Bart: All right, you chop my hands halfway off, and then, I'll still have enough strength to chop-

Marge: Get to work!

(Marge finds Bart and Lisa in the living room instead of doing their chores)

Marge: What are you doing inside?

Bart: Work was hard, so we quit.

Marge: What?

Lisa: (slowly) Hard work made us quit.

Marge: I see! Well then, no chores, no allowance.

Lisa: Okay, we get our room and board free anyway.

Bart: And Santy Claus provides the rest.

Cooder: Son, if you do not finish your caramel apple you will not get a snow cone.

Homer and Bart appear

Cooder{confrontational}: Get out of here! I didn't scam nobody.

Homer: No, we are here to learn the business.

Bart: Starting today we are carnies.

Cooder{pleasant}: In that case let me show you how I scammed you.

Chief Wiggum: Hate to interrupt your fun, but word is around here that your game is crooked.

Homer: And how!

Chief Wiggum: Well, perhaps we can come to an "understanding". [holds out his hand]

Homer: I understand.

Bart: Uh, Dad? I think he wants--

Homer: Not now, son. Daddy's talking to the policeman.

Chief Wiggum: Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend, Bill. [looks at cash box] Have you seen any Bills around here?

Homer: No. He's Bart.

Chief Wiggum: Okay, let's try this again and watch as I wink each time. The man I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe. Wink, wink.

Homer: [pause] It's a ring toss game.

Chief Wiggum: All right. That's it, I'm shutting this place down.

[Cooder and Spud return to find their game stall missing]

Cooder: Our game, our home... What happened here?

Bart: Cops took it.

Cooder: Why didn't you bribe 'em?

Homer: I tried, but the opportunity never came up.