Difference between revisions of "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?/Quotes"
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
Mythigator (talk | contribs) |
(Formatting.) |
||
Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
− | {{ | + | {{TabQ}} |
{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Bart's Friend Falls in Love|Kamp Krusty}} | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Bart's Friend Falls in Love|Kamp Krusty}} | ||
---- | ---- | ||
:''[It's time for the annual company physicals at [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant]].]'' | :''[It's time for the annual company physicals at [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant]].]'' | ||
− | :'''Tester''' | + | :'''Tester:''' ''[looking at readout]'' "This can't be right. This man has 104% body fat!" |
:''[The tester turns to see [[Homer]] eating a chicken drumstick while he's suspended in the buoyancy tank.]'' | :''[The tester turns to see [[Homer]] eating a chicken drumstick while he's suspended in the buoyancy tank.]'' | ||
− | :'''Tester''' | + | :'''Tester:''' "Hey, no eating in the tank!" |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "Go to Hell." |
---- | ---- | ||
− | :'''[[Marge]]''' | + | :'''[[Marge]]:''' "How was your day at work, dear?" |
− | :'''[[Homer]]''' | + | :'''[[Homer]]:''' ''[matter-of-factly]'' "Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough." |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[The results from the company physical show that radiation from the nuclear plant has made [[Homer]] sterile. To keep him from suing, [[Mr. Burns]] concocts a story about Homer getting the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. All he has to do is sign a form (which is actually a waiver). At Homer's insistence, Burns includes a trophy and a big awards ceremony.]'' | :''[The results from the company physical show that radiation from the nuclear plant has made [[Homer]] sterile. To keep him from suing, [[Mr. Burns]] concocts a story about Homer getting the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. All he has to do is sign a form (which is actually a waiver). At Homer's insistence, Burns includes a trophy and a big awards ceremony.]'' | ||
− | :'''[[Lisa]]''' | + | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' "This show is the biggest farce I ever saw!" |
− | :'''[[Bart]]''' | + | :'''[[Bart]]:''' "What about the Emmys?" |
− | :'''Lisa''' | + | :'''Lisa:''' "I stand corrected." |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Burns introduces Smokin' [[Joe Frazier]], who presents the award.]'' | :''[Burns introduces Smokin' [[Joe Frazier]], who presents the award.]'' | ||
− | :'''Joe Frazier''' | + | :'''Joe Frazier:''' "And now, the winner of the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence ..." |
− | :'''[[Homer]]''' | + | :'''[[Homer]]:''' ''[eyes closed, crossing fingers]'' "Please-please-please-please-please!" |
− | :'''[[Lisa]]''' | + | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' "Dad, you know you won!" |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "Don't jinx it!" |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Meanwhile, [[Homer]]'s half-brother [[Herb]] has been living as a bum since losing his car company. He sees a young mother struggling to understand her baby, and gets the idea of inventing a [[baby translator]] to make his fortune back.]'' | :''[Meanwhile, [[Homer]]'s half-brother [[Herb]] has been living as a bum since losing his car company. He sees a young mother struggling to understand her baby, and gets the idea of inventing a [[baby translator]] to make his fortune back.]'' | ||
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' ''[talking to fellow bums]'' "I'm tellin' you, all a man needs is an idea. And I've got an idea!" |
− | :'''Bum''' | + | :'''Bum:''' "Then how come you're still a bum?" |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "All right, a man needs '''two''' things. An idea, and money to get it off the ground." |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[While the family is in a furniture store shopping for a new couch, [[Homer]] tries out a fancy vibrating recliner called the "[[Spinemelter 2000]]" and falls in love.]'' | :''[While the family is in a furniture store shopping for a new couch, [[Homer]] tries out a fancy vibrating recliner called the "[[Spinemelter 2000]]" and falls in love.]'' | ||
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' ''[still vibrating]'' "I-I-I-I-'l-l-l-l-l t-t-t-a-a-a-k-k-k-e-e-e i-i-i-t-t-t-t-t-t!!!!" |
− | :'''[[Marge]]''' | + | :'''[[Marge]]:''' ''[looking at price tag]'' "This chair is two thousand dollars! We could buy a whole living room set for that." |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service ... but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer." |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[After accidentally going to the [[Flanders family|Flanders]] house, [[Herb]] rings the Simpsons' doorbell and waits for someone to answer.]'' | :''[After accidentally going to the [[Flanders family|Flanders]] house, [[Herb]] rings the Simpsons' doorbell and waits for someone to answer.]'' | ||
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "What am I gonna say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions. How to express them?" |
:''[The door finally opens. It's [[Homer]].]'' | :''[The door finally opens. It's [[Homer]].]'' | ||
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "Herb?" |
:''[Herb punches Homer in the jaw and walks inside.]'' | :''[Herb punches Homer in the jaw and walks inside.]'' | ||
− | :'''[[Bart]] and [[Lisa]]''' | + | :'''[[Bart]] and [[Lisa]]:''' "Unky Herb!" |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "Bart! Lisa! I'm so glad to see you." ''[They hug.]'' |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' ''[rubbing his head]'' "You weren't so glad to see me." |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "I'm sorry, Homer. But I'm still mad at you. Every word you say just makes me want to punch you in the face!" |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "Well, while you're a guest in my home, could you just kick me in the butt?" |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "I'll try, but I'm not making any promises." |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[The Simpsons and [[Herb]] sit down to dinner. [[Bart]] makes small talk.]'' | :''[The Simpsons and [[Herb]] sit down to dinner. [[Bart]] makes small talk.]'' | ||
− | :'''Bart''' | + | :'''Bart:''' "Unky Herb, what advice would you give to a boy who will most likely become a bum like yourself?" |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese." |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[After borrowing [[Homer]]'s $2,000 of "Excellence" money and spending hours working with [[Maggie]], [[Herb]] is ready to unveil his [[baby translator]] prototype.]'' | :''[After borrowing [[Homer]]'s $2,000 of "Excellence" money and spending hours working with [[Maggie]], [[Herb]] is ready to unveil his [[baby translator]] prototype.]'' | ||
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "Now, I bet you're all wondering what's under this sheet." |
− | :'''[[Bart]]''' | + | :'''[[Bart]]:''' "Not really. We peeked inside while you were in the john." |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "Well, here it is again. My baby translator!" ''[pulls the sheet off]'' |
− | :'''[[Marge]]''' | + | :'''[[Marge]]:''' ''[impressed]'' "Oooooooooo!!!" |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "Marge, you don't have to humor me." |
− | :'''Marge''' | + | :'''Marge:''' "Well, it's pretty ingrained." |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "What do you think, Homer?" |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew two thousand dollars on it when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks!" |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?" |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "I'll try, but I can't." |
:''[Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles. The translator goes into action.]'' | :''[Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles. The translator goes into action.]'' | ||
− | :'''Maggie''' | + | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' "Lavish attention on me and entertain me." |
− | :'''Marge''' | + | :'''Marge:''' ''[gasps]'' "Maggie! You talked!" |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "You see? It tells you exactly what's on the baby's mind." |
− | :'''[[Lisa]]''' | + | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' ''[covering Maggie's eyes]'' "Maggie? Maggie?" |
− | :'''Maggie''' | + | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' "Where did you go?" |
− | :'''Lisa''' | + | :'''Lisa:''' ''[uncovering Maggie's eyes]'' "Peek-a-boo!" |
− | :'''Maggie''' | + | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' "Oh, there you are. Very amusing." |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "Well, Homer, now what do you think?" |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "I don't know, Herb. People are afraid of new things. You should have taken an existing product and put a clock in it or something." |
− | :'''Marge''' | + | :'''Marge:''' "Homer, every mother in the country is going to want one of these." |
:''[Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles again.]'' | :''[Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles again.]'' | ||
− | :'''Maggie''' | + | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' "I have soiled myself. How embarrassing." |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[At the Baby Convention, [[Herb]]'s translator is a big hit and sells extremely well, making him his fortune back. Herb pays [[Homer]] back the $2,000 he borrowed and gives gifts to [[Marge]] and the kids.]'' | :''[At the Baby Convention, [[Herb]]'s translator is a big hit and sells extremely well, making him his fortune back. Herb pays [[Homer]] back the $2,000 he borrowed and gives gifts to [[Marge]] and the kids.]'' | ||
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' ''[looking forlorn]'' "Herb, I don't think there's a [[Spinemelter 2000|vibrating chair]] in that bag for me." |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "Homer, walk me to my car." ''[They go outside.]'' |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "What do I get? What do I get? It's not another punch in the face, is it? Because if it is, I don't want it." |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "This is what you get. I forgive you. You can call me brother, and I can do the same." |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "That's it?" |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "That's it." |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "I see your point - brother." |
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "Give me a hug - brother." |
− | :'''Homer''' | + | :'''Homer:''' "All right, but I've never really hugged a man before." |
:''[As the two brothers embrace, a delivery truck from [[The Seatery]] pulls into the driveway, behind Homer.]'' | :''[As the two brothers embrace, a delivery truck from [[The Seatery]] pulls into the driveway, behind Homer.]'' | ||
− | :'''Herb''' | + | :'''Herb:''' "Homer, I bought you the damn chair." |
:''[Now ecstatic, Homer covers Herb with kisses.]'' | :''[Now ecstatic, Homer covers Herb with kisses.]'' | ||
{{Season 3|Q}} | {{Season 3|Q}} |
Revision as of 10:24, September 1, 2014
|
|||||||||
|
|
|
- [It's time for the annual company physicals at Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.]
- Tester: [looking at readout] "This can't be right. This man has 104% body fat!"
- [The tester turns to see Homer eating a chicken drumstick while he's suspended in the buoyancy tank.]
- Tester: "Hey, no eating in the tank!"
- Homer: "Go to Hell."
- Marge: "How was your day at work, dear?"
- Homer: [matter-of-factly] "Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough."
- [The results from the company physical show that radiation from the nuclear plant has made Homer sterile. To keep him from suing, Mr. Burns concocts a story about Homer getting the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. All he has to do is sign a form (which is actually a waiver). At Homer's insistence, Burns includes a trophy and a big awards ceremony.]
- Lisa: "This show is the biggest farce I ever saw!"
- Bart: "What about the Emmys?"
- Lisa: "I stand corrected."
- [Burns introduces Smokin' Joe Frazier, who presents the award.]
- Joe Frazier: "And now, the winner of the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence ..."
- Homer: [eyes closed, crossing fingers] "Please-please-please-please-please!"
- Lisa: "Dad, you know you won!"
- Homer: "Don't jinx it!"
- [Meanwhile, Homer's half-brother Herb has been living as a bum since losing his car company. He sees a young mother struggling to understand her baby, and gets the idea of inventing a baby translator to make his fortune back.]
- Herb: [talking to fellow bums] "I'm tellin' you, all a man needs is an idea. And I've got an idea!"
- Bum: "Then how come you're still a bum?"
- Herb: "All right, a man needs two things. An idea, and money to get it off the ground."
- [While the family is in a furniture store shopping for a new couch, Homer tries out a fancy vibrating recliner called the "Spinemelter 2000" and falls in love.]
- Homer: [still vibrating] "I-I-I-I-'l-l-l-l-l t-t-t-a-a-a-k-k-k-e-e-e i-i-i-t-t-t-t-t-t!!!!"
- Marge: [looking at price tag] "This chair is two thousand dollars! We could buy a whole living room set for that."
- Homer: "Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service ... but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer."
- [After accidentally going to the Flanders house, Herb rings the Simpsons' doorbell and waits for someone to answer.]
- Herb: "What am I gonna say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions. How to express them?"
- [The door finally opens. It's Homer.]
- Homer: "Herb?"
- [Herb punches Homer in the jaw and walks inside.]
- Bart and Lisa: "Unky Herb!"
- Herb: "Bart! Lisa! I'm so glad to see you." [They hug.]
- Homer: [rubbing his head] "You weren't so glad to see me."
- Herb: "I'm sorry, Homer. But I'm still mad at you. Every word you say just makes me want to punch you in the face!"
- Homer: "Well, while you're a guest in my home, could you just kick me in the butt?"
- Herb: "I'll try, but I'm not making any promises."
- [The Simpsons and Herb sit down to dinner. Bart makes small talk.]
- Bart: "Unky Herb, what advice would you give to a boy who will most likely become a bum like yourself?"
- Herb: "Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese."
- [After borrowing Homer's $2,000 of "Excellence" money and spending hours working with Maggie, Herb is ready to unveil his baby translator prototype.]
- Herb: "Now, I bet you're all wondering what's under this sheet."
- Bart: "Not really. We peeked inside while you were in the john."
- Herb: "Well, here it is again. My baby translator!" [pulls the sheet off]
- Marge: [impressed] "Oooooooooo!!!"
- Herb: "Marge, you don't have to humor me."
- Marge: "Well, it's pretty ingrained."
- Herb: "What do you think, Homer?"
- Homer: "Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew two thousand dollars on it when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks!"
- Herb: "Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?"
- Homer: "I'll try, but I can't."
- [Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles. The translator goes into action.]
- Maggie: [via translator] "Lavish attention on me and entertain me."
- Marge: [gasps] "Maggie! You talked!"
- Herb: "You see? It tells you exactly what's on the baby's mind."
- Lisa: [covering Maggie's eyes] "Maggie? Maggie?"
- Maggie: [via translator] "Where did you go?"
- Lisa: [uncovering Maggie's eyes] "Peek-a-boo!"
- Maggie: [via translator] "Oh, there you are. Very amusing."
- Herb: "Well, Homer, now what do you think?"
- Homer: "I don't know, Herb. People are afraid of new things. You should have taken an existing product and put a clock in it or something."
- Marge: "Homer, every mother in the country is going to want one of these."
- [Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles again.]
- Maggie: [via translator] "I have soiled myself. How embarrassing."
- [At the Baby Convention, Herb's translator is a big hit and sells extremely well, making him his fortune back. Herb pays Homer back the $2,000 he borrowed and gives gifts to Marge and the kids.]
- Homer: [looking forlorn] "Herb, I don't think there's a vibrating chair in that bag for me."
- Herb: "Homer, walk me to my car." [They go outside.]
- Homer: "What do I get? What do I get? It's not another punch in the face, is it? Because if it is, I don't want it."
- Herb: "This is what you get. I forgive you. You can call me brother, and I can do the same."
- Homer: "That's it?"
- Herb: "That's it."
- Homer: "I see your point - brother."
- Herb: "Give me a hug - brother."
- Homer: "All right, but I've never really hugged a man before."
- [As the two brothers embrace, a delivery truck from The Seatery pulls into the driveway, behind Homer.]
- Herb: "Homer, I bought you the damn chair."
- [Now ecstatic, Homer covers Herb with kisses.]