Difference between revisions of "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?/Quotes"
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:''[It's time for the annual company physicals at [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant]].]'' | :''[It's time for the annual company physicals at [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant]].]'' | ||
| − | :'''Tester:''' ''[looking at readout]'' | + | :'''Tester:''' ''[looking at readout]'' This can't be right. This man has 104% body fat! |
:''[The tester turns to see [[Homer]] eating a chicken drumstick while he's suspended in the buoyancy tank.]'' | :''[The tester turns to see [[Homer]] eating a chicken drumstick while he's suspended in the buoyancy tank.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Tester:''' | + | :'''Tester:''' Hey, no eating in the tank! |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' Go to Hell. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :'''[[Marge]]:''' | + | :'''[[Marge]]:''' How was your day at work, dear? |
| − | :'''[[Homer]]:''' ''[matter-of-factly]'' | + | :'''[[Homer]]:''' ''[matter-of-factly]'' Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough. |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[The results from the company physical show that radiation from the nuclear plant has made [[Homer]] sterile. To keep him from suing, [[Mr. Burns]] concocts a story about Homer getting the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. All he has to do is sign a form (which is actually a waiver). At Homer's insistence, Burns includes a trophy and a big awards ceremony.]'' | :''[The results from the company physical show that radiation from the nuclear plant has made [[Homer]] sterile. To keep him from suing, [[Mr. Burns]] concocts a story about Homer getting the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. All he has to do is sign a form (which is actually a waiver). At Homer's insistence, Burns includes a trophy and a big awards ceremony.]'' | ||
| − | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' | + | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' This show is the biggest farce I ever saw! |
| − | :'''[[Bart]]:''' | + | :'''[[Bart]]:''' What about the Emmys? |
| − | :'''Lisa:''' | + | :'''Lisa:''' I stand corrected. |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[Burns introduces Smokin' [[Joe Frazier]], who presents the award.]'' | :''[Burns introduces Smokin' [[Joe Frazier]], who presents the award.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Joe Frazier:''' | + | :'''Joe Frazier:''' And now, the winner of the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence ... |
| − | :'''[[Homer]]:''' ''[eyes closed, crossing fingers]'' | + | :'''[[Homer]]:''' ''[eyes closed, crossing fingers]'' Please-please-please-please-please! |
| − | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' | + | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' Dad, you know you won! |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' Don't jinx it! |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[Meanwhile, [[Homer]]'s half-brother [[Herb]] has been living as a bum since losing his car company. He sees a young mother struggling to understand her baby, and gets the idea of inventing a [[baby translator]] to make his fortune back.]'' | + | :''[Meanwhile, [[Homer]]'s half-brother [[Herb]] has been living as a bum since losing his [[Powell Motors|car company]]. He sees a young mother struggling to understand her baby, and gets the idea of inventing a [[baby translator]] to make his fortune back.]'' |
| − | :'''Herb:''' ''[talking to fellow bums]'' | + | :'''Herb:''' ''[talking to fellow bums]'' I'm tellin' you, all a man needs is an idea. And I've got an idea! |
| − | :'''Bum:''' | + | :'''Bum:''' Then how come you're still a bum? |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' All right, a man needs '''two''' things. An idea, and money to get it off the ground. |
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[While the family | + | :''[While the family are in a furniture store shopping for a new couch, [[Homer]] tries out a fancy vibrating recliner called the "[[Spinemelter 2000]]" and falls in love.]'' |
| − | :'''Homer:''' ''[still vibrating]'' | + | :'''Homer:''' ''[still vibrating]'' I-I-I-I-'l-l-l-l-l t-t-t-a-a-a-k-k-k-e-e-e i-i-i-t-t-t-t-t-t!!!! |
| − | :'''[[Marge]]:''' ''[looking at price tag]'' | + | :'''[[Marge]]:''' ''[looking at price tag]'' This chair is two thousand dollars! We could buy a whole living room set for that. |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service ... but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer. |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[After accidentally going to the [[Flanders family|Flanders]] house, [[Herb]] rings the Simpsons' doorbell and waits for someone to answer.]'' | :''[After accidentally going to the [[Flanders family|Flanders]] house, [[Herb]] rings the Simpsons' doorbell and waits for someone to answer.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' What am I gonna say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions. How to express them? |
:''[The door finally opens. It's [[Homer]].]'' | :''[The door finally opens. It's [[Homer]].]'' | ||
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' Herb? |
:''[Herb punches Homer in the jaw and walks inside.]'' | :''[Herb punches Homer in the jaw and walks inside.]'' | ||
| − | :'''[[Bart]] and [[Lisa]]:''' | + | :'''[[Bart]] and [[Lisa]]:''' Unky Herb! |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' Bart! Lisa! I'm so glad to see you. ''[They hug.]'' |
| − | :'''Homer:''' ''[rubbing his head]'' | + | :'''Homer:''' ''[rubbing his head]'' You weren't so glad to see me. |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' I'm sorry, Homer. But I'm still mad at you. Every word you say just makes me want to punch you in the face! |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' Well, while you're a guest in my home, could you just kick me in the butt? |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' I'll try, but I'm not making any promises. |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[The Simpsons and [[Herb]] sit down to dinner. [[Bart]] makes small talk.]'' | :''[The Simpsons and [[Herb]] sit down to dinner. [[Bart]] makes small talk.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Bart:''' | + | :'''Bart:''' Unky Herb, what advice would you give to a boy who will most likely become a bum like yourself? |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese. |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[After borrowing [[Homer]]'s $2,000 of "Excellence" money and spending hours working with [[Maggie]], [[Herb]] is ready to unveil his [[baby translator]] prototype.]'' | :''[After borrowing [[Homer]]'s $2,000 of "Excellence" money and spending hours working with [[Maggie]], [[Herb]] is ready to unveil his [[baby translator]] prototype.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' Now, I bet you're all wondering what's under this sheet. |
| − | :'''[[Bart]]:''' | + | :'''[[Bart]]:''' Not really. We peeked inside while you were in the john. |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' Well, here it is again. My baby translator! ''[pulls the sheet off]'' |
| − | :'''[[Marge]]:''' ''[impressed]'' | + | :'''[[Marge]]:''' ''[impressed]'' Oooooooooo!!! |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' Marge, you don't have to humor me. |
| − | :'''Marge:''' | + | :'''Marge:''' Well, it's pretty ingrained. |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' What do you think, Homer? |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew two thousand dollars on it when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks! |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass? |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' I'll try, but I can't. |
:''[Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles. The translator goes into action.]'' | :''[Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles. The translator goes into action.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' | + | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' Lavish attention on me and entertain me. |
| − | :'''Marge:''' ''[gasps]'' | + | :'''Marge:''' ''[gasps]'' Maggie! You talked! |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' You see? It tells you exactly what's on the baby's mind. |
| − | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' ''[covering Maggie's eyes]'' | + | :'''[[Lisa]]:''' ''[covering Maggie's eyes]'' Maggie? Maggie? |
| − | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' | + | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' Where did you go? |
| − | :'''Lisa:''' ''[uncovering Maggie's eyes]'' | + | :'''Lisa:''' ''[uncovering Maggie's eyes]'' Peek-a-boo! |
| − | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' | + | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' Oh, there you are. Very amusing. |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' Well, Homer, now what do you think? |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' I don't know, Herb. People are afraid of new things. You should have taken an existing product and put a clock in it or something. |
| − | :'''Marge:''' | + | :'''Marge:''' Homer, every mother in the country is going to want one of these. |
:''[Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles again.]'' | :''[Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles again.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' | + | :'''Maggie:''' ''[via translator]'' I have soiled myself. How embarrassing. |
---- | ---- | ||
:''[At the Baby Convention, [[Herb]]'s translator is a big hit and sells extremely well, making him his fortune back. Herb pays [[Homer]] back the $2,000 he borrowed and gives gifts to [[Marge]] and the kids.]'' | :''[At the Baby Convention, [[Herb]]'s translator is a big hit and sells extremely well, making him his fortune back. Herb pays [[Homer]] back the $2,000 he borrowed and gives gifts to [[Marge]] and the kids.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Homer:''' ''[looking forlorn]'' | + | :'''Homer:''' ''[looking forlorn]'' Herb, I don't think there's a [[Spinemelter 2000|vibrating chair]] in that bag for me. |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' Homer, walk me to my car. ''[They go outside.]'' |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' What do I get? What do I get? It's not another punch in the face, is it? Because if it is, I don't want it. |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' This is what you get. I forgive you. You can call me "brother", and I can do the same. |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' That's it? |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' That's it. |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' I see your point—brother. |
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' Give me a hug—brother. |
| − | :'''Homer:''' | + | :'''Homer:''' All right, but I've never really hugged a man before. |
:''[As the two brothers embrace, a delivery truck from [[The Seatery]] pulls into the driveway, behind Homer.]'' | :''[As the two brothers embrace, a delivery truck from [[The Seatery]] pulls into the driveway, behind Homer.]'' | ||
| − | :'''Herb:''' | + | :'''Herb:''' Homer, I bought you the damn chair. |
:''[Now ecstatic, Homer covers Herb with kisses.]'' | :''[Now ecstatic, Homer covers Herb with kisses.]'' | ||
{{Season 3|Q}} | {{Season 3|Q}} | ||
Revision as of 07:59, November 13, 2014
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- [It's time for the annual company physicals at Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.]
- Tester: [looking at readout] This can't be right. This man has 104% body fat!
- [The tester turns to see Homer eating a chicken drumstick while he's suspended in the buoyancy tank.]
- Tester: Hey, no eating in the tank!
- Homer: Go to Hell.
- Marge: How was your day at work, dear?
- Homer: [matter-of-factly] Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough.
- [The results from the company physical show that radiation from the nuclear plant has made Homer sterile. To keep him from suing, Mr. Burns concocts a story about Homer getting the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. All he has to do is sign a form (which is actually a waiver). At Homer's insistence, Burns includes a trophy and a big awards ceremony.]
- Lisa: This show is the biggest farce I ever saw!
- Bart: What about the Emmys?
- Lisa: I stand corrected.
- [Burns introduces Smokin' Joe Frazier, who presents the award.]
- Joe Frazier: And now, the winner of the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence ...
- Homer: [eyes closed, crossing fingers] Please-please-please-please-please!
- Lisa: Dad, you know you won!
- Homer: Don't jinx it!
- [Meanwhile, Homer's half-brother Herb has been living as a bum since losing his car company. He sees a young mother struggling to understand her baby, and gets the idea of inventing a baby translator to make his fortune back.]
- Herb: [talking to fellow bums] I'm tellin' you, all a man needs is an idea. And I've got an idea!
- Bum: Then how come you're still a bum?
- Herb: All right, a man needs two things. An idea, and money to get it off the ground.
- [While the family are in a furniture store shopping for a new couch, Homer tries out a fancy vibrating recliner called the "Spinemelter 2000" and falls in love.]
- Homer: [still vibrating] I-I-I-I-'l-l-l-l-l t-t-t-a-a-a-k-k-k-e-e-e i-i-i-t-t-t-t-t-t!!!!
- Marge: [looking at price tag] This chair is two thousand dollars! We could buy a whole living room set for that.
- Homer: Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service ... but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.
- [After accidentally going to the Flanders house, Herb rings the Simpsons' doorbell and waits for someone to answer.]
- Herb: What am I gonna say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions. How to express them?
- [The door finally opens. It's Homer.]
- Homer: Herb?
- [Herb punches Homer in the jaw and walks inside.]
- Bart and Lisa: Unky Herb!
- Herb: Bart! Lisa! I'm so glad to see you. [They hug.]
- Homer: [rubbing his head] You weren't so glad to see me.
- Herb: I'm sorry, Homer. But I'm still mad at you. Every word you say just makes me want to punch you in the face!
- Homer: Well, while you're a guest in my home, could you just kick me in the butt?
- Herb: I'll try, but I'm not making any promises.
- [The Simpsons and Herb sit down to dinner. Bart makes small talk.]
- Bart: Unky Herb, what advice would you give to a boy who will most likely become a bum like yourself?
- Herb: Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.
- [After borrowing Homer's $2,000 of "Excellence" money and spending hours working with Maggie, Herb is ready to unveil his baby translator prototype.]
- Herb: Now, I bet you're all wondering what's under this sheet.
- Bart: Not really. We peeked inside while you were in the john.
- Herb: Well, here it is again. My baby translator! [pulls the sheet off]
- Marge: [impressed] Oooooooooo!!!
- Herb: Marge, you don't have to humor me.
- Marge: Well, it's pretty ingrained.
- Herb: What do you think, Homer?
- Homer: Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew two thousand dollars on it when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks!
- Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?
- Homer: I'll try, but I can't.
- [Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles. The translator goes into action.]
- Maggie: [via translator] Lavish attention on me and entertain me.
- Marge: [gasps] Maggie! You talked!
- Herb: You see? It tells you exactly what's on the baby's mind.
- Lisa: [covering Maggie's eyes] Maggie? Maggie?
- Maggie: [via translator] Where did you go?
- Lisa: [uncovering Maggie's eyes] Peek-a-boo!
- Maggie: [via translator] Oh, there you are. Very amusing.
- Herb: Well, Homer, now what do you think?
- Homer: I don't know, Herb. People are afraid of new things. You should have taken an existing product and put a clock in it or something.
- Marge: Homer, every mother in the country is going to want one of these.
- [Maggie takes her pacifier out of her mouth and babbles again.]
- Maggie: [via translator] I have soiled myself. How embarrassing.
- [At the Baby Convention, Herb's translator is a big hit and sells extremely well, making him his fortune back. Herb pays Homer back the $2,000 he borrowed and gives gifts to Marge and the kids.]
- Homer: [looking forlorn] Herb, I don't think there's a vibrating chair in that bag for me.
- Herb: Homer, walk me to my car. [They go outside.]
- Homer: What do I get? What do I get? It's not another punch in the face, is it? Because if it is, I don't want it.
- Herb: This is what you get. I forgive you. You can call me "brother", and I can do the same.
- Homer: That's it?
- Herb: That's it.
- Homer: I see your point—brother.
- Herb: Give me a hug—brother.
- Homer: All right, but I've never really hugged a man before.
- [As the two brothers embrace, a delivery truck from The Seatery pulls into the driveway, behind Homer.]
- Herb: Homer, I bought you the damn chair.
- [Now ecstatic, Homer covers Herb with kisses.]
