Difference between revisions of "The Simpsons: Tapped Out Stonecutters content update"

Revision as of 15:30, June 3, 2014

The Simpsons: Tapped Out Stonecutters content update is the fiftieth-third content update of The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It included the Stonecutters to Tapped Out. It was released on June 3, 2014. It also gave users who missed Nighthawk Diner a new chance to buy it for 15,000.

Characters

Image Name Cost Unlock message Number 1 Let’s all get drunk and play ping pong! Number 2 60 Who decides who gets shingles? We do! Number 5 28,000 Who holds the carrot and the stick? We do! File:Number 11.png Number 11 Who knows where my teeth are now? I don’t! Number 12 28,000 Who always gets free upsized meals ? We do! Number 14 28,000 Who keeps Springfield off the map? We do! Number 21 Who keeps Springfield beer kegs filled? We do! Number 22 Who wire taps the NSA? We do! Number 29 14,000 Who rigs every Oscar night? We do! Number 36 4,000 Who makes sure the rich stay rich? We do! Number 50 18,000 Who decides which cars to boot? We do! Number 51 100 Who keeps my people under wraps? We do! Number 59 Who knows who's in and who is €œout?€ We do! Number 66 Who controls the evening news? We do! Number 67 Who gets exempted from state sales tax? We do! Number 79 18,000 Who gets funky every night? We do! Number 85 10,000 Who controls the British crown? We do! Number 314 12 Who holds back the electric car? We do! Number 600 10,000 Who keeps the metric system down? We do! Number 908 Who likes singing drinking songs? We do!

Buildings

Image Name Building time Costs Task Character(s) unlocked when built Level required 200px Abandoned Store 6s 30 Stonecutter's Daycare Center 250,000 Stonecutter Lodge 16h 2,000 Number 1

Decorations

Image Name Costs Character(s) unlocked when built Level required All Seeing Eye 100 Chest of Sacred Artifacts 55 6,500 Hieroglyph Wall 500 Tube Slide 2,500 Stonecutter Table 31,500 Stone of Triumph 22,500 Money Pool 1,400 Satan's Anvil 35,000 Ark of the Stonecovenant Sacred Parchment 1,450

Gameplay

Game of Stones Pt. 1

What?! Moe ran out of beer?! Impossible! That's like Miley Cyrus running out of tounge poses! Apu, two chases of your cheapest beer! Nothing fancy, just something to make me woozy and bloated. I would love to sell you dangerous quantities of alcohol. Especially since you always stumble back later for snackcakes, lotto tickets and those adult diaper wipes. But all the bottles of alcohol in my store mysteriously exploded. And the walls behind the alcohol have mysteriously developed baseball bat dents. So there's no booze in this whole town? Oh God! I'll be forced to face like sober! None of my ideas will seem brilliant! George Lopez won't be funny at all! Template:Tapped Out Number 1 Hooded Figure Icon Psst, I know how you could have enough alcohol to ruin TWO livers... I'll do anything you say, hooded figure I just met! Template:Tapped Out Number 1 Hooded Figure Icon Re-build the Stonecutter Lodge! That's right! They had a microbrewery, champagne fountain and bourbon jacuzzi! Template:Tapped Out Number 1 Hooded Figure Icon Yes, The Stoncutters invented alcolism as a way to control "cool people". And for that, I am forever grateful. I shall build the What-cha-ma-callit Lodge! The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 1" which is to "Build the Stonecutter Lodge". It takes 16 hours.

Game of Stones Pt. 2

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Number 1? YOU where the hooded figure? But I thought you quit The Stonecutters to from the No Homers Club? Regrettably, the No Homers lost their clubhouse in the nuclear super-accident. I don't know how many times I'm gonna have to say this but: Sor-ry! Yes, well, I'd like to be a Stonecutter again. Okay, but you have to do what I say. The birthmark on my butt says I'm you leader. I prefer to think of it as your upper thigh. Do what you gotta do. The player gets a new costume to Homer which is "Number 908". Then the player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 2" which is to "Make Number 908 Be the Chosen One". It takes 4 hours. Hey everyone! Look at The Sacred Texts! I never noticed this part here, scrawled in purple crayon! "In the event of nuclear meltdown, the NEW leader shall be he who holds the sacred purple crayon!" Oh look, I have it right here! I don't know… that crayon looks more like a deep plum. It also says Homer gets to keep the title of “Chosen One” and the fancy hat and… uh… this “Doors of Europe” calendar. Woohoo! It's a deal! There's a bunch of unused months on this!

Game of Stones Pt. 3

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Number 1, you may be the leader of The Stonecutters but these days all of us take our orders from… The Sky Finger. The Sky Finger places all our buildings and sends us on our jobs. Often while he's supposed to be working no less. Well, I shan't be doing this Sky Finger's bidding. Sky Finger! Obey MY command! "open-bracket COLLECT underscore FROM underscore HOUSES close-bracket" The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 3" How did you learn the code to make the Sky Finger do THAT?! *shrug* I know a lot of nerds.

Game of Stones Pt. 4

Stonecutters! It is time to step forward in our march toward Global Domination! Let us read now from the ancient prophecy to learn what must be done. Message HINT: All Kids in Springfield now have a new job you can use to complete Number 1's task! The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 4"

Game of Stones Pt. 5

Now carefully and thoughtfully place the Sacred Parchment. It is the most hallowed artifact of The Stonecutters. More essential to us than the fragment of the cross, the holy folder of take-out menus and the rack for our pool table. The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 5" which is to "Build Sacred Parchment".

Game of Stones Pt. 6

There is no better opiate of the masses than shiny, new trinkets. This chest of artifacts will distract attention from our darkest machinations. Like jingling car keys when giving a baby a shot. The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 6" which is to "Build Chest of Sacred Artifacts". Ooo, let see what's in our treasure chest! Holy hand grenade... ring with writing on it that makes me want to punch people… used shroud with some bearded dude's face burned in… *moans* There's nothing good in here! This jeweled cup is too wide for drinking. Still, I guess I can use it. Oh my God! I think that's the Holy Grail! Now it's Daddy's ice cream bowl.

Game of Stones Pt. 7

After tapping on Skinner's exclamation mark Number 600… That's my number, don't wear it out! Heh, heh. I need the membership to come together for a very important meeting. I want you to make an announcement and then stand by the bar to make sure no one gets too drunk. That's exactly what I do every day at school! Don't be glib. It doesn't work for you. I was just thinking the same thing. The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 7" which is to "Build Willie's Shack", "Make Number 908 Attend a Secret Meeting", "Make Number 36 Attend a Secret Meeting", "Make Number 600 Attend a Secret Meeting", and "Make Number 85 Attend a Secret Meeting". It takes 8 hours. My brothers in stone, it is good to see you all once again assembled in this lodge. The Springfield Stonecutters are growing in their power. The time has come to use our strength to take over the Shelbyville chapter… …and then the WORLD!

Game of Stones Pt. 8

These Stonecutter meetings are so stressful. No one cowers in my presence. People make eye contact. Lenny actually said, “How's it goin'?” to me. And because he outranks me I was compelled to tell him! I don't know how you non-richies handle the nobody-ness of it all. We're used to it, sir. Shall I prepare the relaxation pool? Yes. A little dip will do me good. The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 8" which is to "Build Cooling Towers", "Build Money Pool", and "Make Number 29 Take a Dip in the Money Pool". It takes 4 hours.

Game of Stones Pt. 9

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Number 908, we would like to honor you for re-building our beloved lodge. I would say that you guys shouldn't have… but I think you really probably should. Attach the Stone of Triumph to The Chosen One! D'oh! The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 9" which is to "Build Stone of Triumph" and "Make Number 908 Wear the Stone of Triumph". It takes 10 hours.

Game of Stones Pt. 10

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark Now we begin our siege of the Shelbyville Chapter. We will sneak into their Lodge, steal their booze then frame the Shelbyville chapter's leader for the crime. Homer, do you think you can handle this? Sure, I'm pretty stealthy when I'm not dragging around a rock. The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 10" which is to "Make Number 908 Steal Steal Liquor from Shelbyville Stonecutters". It takes 10 hours. Mizzion Accompwished! Permission to say: “hic”. Homer! You’re back? But where is all the liquor you were supposed to steal? I've cleverly hidden it all *hic* in my, whacha-call, liver. Shhhhhh. *wink* How on earth could you drink that much alcohol?! I'll tell you the secret, c'mere… I need to go to a hospital now. Bye-bye. Blackie-outie… ...

Game of Stones Pt. 11

After tapping on Homer's exclamation mark At last, the Stonecutter table! It looks as glorious as it once--wait, what's this? “Homer Rules!” Number 908, did you write on our beautiful table? Well, I am the Chosen One, so I do kind of rule… Sand it off. And then place it. We've got some singing to do! The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 11" which is to "Build Stonecutter Table", "Make Number 908 Sing the Stonecutter Song", and "Make Number 36 Sing the Stonecutter Song". It takes 12 hours.

Game of Stones Pt. 12

To ensure our continued success, we’ve commissioned a monument to honor the dark lord! Behold, Satan's Anvil! What?! So the Stonecutters are actually a secret satanist society? Actually no. I’m afraid of satan - gives me the heebie-jeebies. I just think it would look really badass to have a 120 foot stone devil in our courtyard. Amen! Looking cool is my religion, too! The player receives "Game of Stones Pt. 12" which is to "Build Satan's Anvil".

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 1

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark Dad? What have you been up to lately? Well, I certainly haven't been helping a madman brainwash the world, if that's what you're insinuating. Hmm, the townspeople have been acting very strange lately. This looks like a job for Lisa Simpson, Meddling Kid! The player receives "The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 1" which is to "Make Lisa Look for Clues". It takes 24 hours. This is interesting: some sort of… stone. Its edges are straight as if it had been… cut. And there's something etched onto the surface. I've seen this symbol before, but where? Lisa? You know you're talking to yourself, right? Yes, I'm figuring out a mystery! OOh, that's fine then. The doctor says as long as you KNOW there's no one there, you're still considered normal. ...

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 2

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark I need to find out more about this symbol. This calls for a trip to the library. And while I'm there, I'll see if they got that new translation of War and Peace. I mean, a girl's got to have some fun! The player receives "The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 2" which is to "Build Springfield Library" and "Make Lisa Research the Symbol". It takes 24 hours. Strange. This symbol pops up at turning points in American History. Here it is at a pilgrim settlement. Here it is at the Battle Of Gettysburg. Here it is when that Real Housewife, Nene, got cast on an actual TV show and-- *gasp* Dad?! What are you doing in the library?! Uh... I'm certainly not reading this giant book about witchcraft and Masonic Lodges! I'll just put this back on the bottom shelf… Dad! When you bend over, your pants slide down and the whole library can see your butt cr-- OH MY GOD! Your birthmark! It's the symbol! I call it my Stonecutter mark. The Stonecutters! Of course! Now I just have to figure out-- Dad, please! Pull your pants up and your shirt down. Aw, you sound just like your mother.

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 3

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark Bart, I need you to break into the Stonecutter Lodge. It's illegal and Mom and Dad can't know about it. You had me at “it's illegal." Great. We'll do it after Mom and Dad fall asleep. You're coming? This better not be one of those things that's supposed to make us “bond” as brother and sister. No! I swear this is just about committing a crime! Although, I can't guarantee that I won't feel closer to you after it's all done. If you do, keep it to yourself. The player receives "The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 3" which is to "Make Bart Steal Stonecutter Documents" and "Make Lisa Steal Stonecutter Documents". It takes 12 hours. Good, we've photographed all their secret files. Let's get out of here. Right after I finish this sandwich… No! That's just stealing! We're not going to—Ooh, is that Portobello mushrooms and hummus? Well, seeing as how we've already broken and entered… Gimme that!

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 4

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark Okay, we've completed our little caper, now comes the fun part: Reading through the documents and analyzing the data! Yes. That does sound fun. I'll read in my room. With the sound of a very loud video game to cover the noise of all my, you know, analyzing. The player receives "The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 4" which is to "Make Lisa Deduce the Stonecutter Plot" and "Make Bart "Help" Lisa". It takes 24 hours. Bart! I've figured it out. The leader of The Stonecutters is keeping all the people of Springfield distracted with inane tasks! Huh? Sorry, I wasn't listening -- I was Paintballing in the Brown House. Well, while you and everyone else are pre-occupied, Number 1 is going to pass a law that gives control of Springfield to The Stonecutters! Holy cats! We saved the town! High-five, Sister! Dang! We are so good at figuring out crap! WE? All you did was shoot Nerf darts at my door and sent me videos of yourself farting. I'm taking the credit for this one!

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 5

After tapping on Bart's exclamation mark I'll show Lisa she can't take all the credit just ‘cause she did all the work. Hey, Number 1! I'm the son of a Stonecutter. Doesn't that automatically make me a Stonecutter, too? Listen, little boy, the rules have become somewhat fluid since the dawning of the magic purple crayon. And soon, I alone will decide who is “automatically” anything. Not after my sister tells the town about your stupid law-changing plan! She knows about that? Find out what else your sister knows. After all, you are automatically one of us, right, Lil Stonecutter? The player receives "The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 5" which is to "Make Bart Spy on Lisa". It takes 24 hours.

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 6

After tapping on Bart's exclamation mark Number 1, Lisa is planning a big rally! She's made a bunch of Anti-Stonecutters signs! Pfft. A semi-satanic lodge with absolute power can't be taken down by hand-drawn signs! They're not hand-drawn. She printed them on her computer and glued them to really sturdy cardboard. Oh. Okay, those you're going to have to destroy. They sound like they would really “pop.” I don't know. That seems kind of mean. Come now, Bart, have you any idea the benefits of powerful friends? You could trade in Milhouse for a sidekick who is every bit as subservient but less asthmatic and not afraid of birds. It's like you overheard my birthday wish. The player receives "The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 6" which is to "Make Bart Sabotage Lisa's Plan". It takes 8 hours. Bart! What are you doing? Why are you throwing paint-filled water-balloons at my signs? I didn't enjoy doing this, Lisa… Well, the ones I threw from the roof did look pretty cool when they exploded. But I had to betray you in order to achieve a higher goal... Betraying Milhouse.

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 7

After tapping on Bart's exclamation mark I did what you wanted. Now give me my Stonecutter outfit and new sidekick. Yes, yes, you'll receive all membership materials when you turn 21 and are able to actually be in the lodge. No fair! It'll take forever just to turn 11. I'm never going to turn 21! A lodge is no place for a child. We serve alcohol and occasionally our servers dance out of their blouses. Fine. I'll see myself out. Through your secret archives! That's the long way out, but suit yourself. The player receives "The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 7" which is to "Make Bart Plot Revenge on Stonecutters". It takes 24 hours.

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 8

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark What do you want, Bart? Are you here to paint-balloon my saxophone? I'm here to apologize. And to give you information to help you take down The Stonecutters. I'm not sure I accept your apology. But I will accept your information. What'cha got? The player receives "The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 8" which is to "Make Bart Share Plans with Lisa". It takes 24 hours. The Stonecutters don't allow women and children to join… …so all we have to do is get women and children to vote against the Stonecutter law! That's brilliant! I was going to say we build an “adult-man-killing”-robot. But your idea sounds less messy... and more possible.

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 9

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark Unfortunately, there aren't many women and children in Springfield since the explosion. And most of them are Premium characters. No worries. We have plenty of disguises. All the women and kids can vote a bunch of times! That's one of those ideas that is so stupid it just might work. I get those a lot! The player receives "The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 9" which is to "Make Women and Children Vote Against Stonecutter Law (x20)". It takes 8 hours. The proposition has failed by a landslide! What?! But then all our plans have been thwarted!!!! We have underestimated the political influence of child-sized pirates and the bearded women who wipe their faces.

The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 10

After tapping on Lisa's exclamation mark We managed to keep those power-hungry wolves at bay. ut how can we remain vigilant when we're constantly distracted by texts, celebrity nip slips and electronic candy? Message Perhaps, for a few minutes a day, you should take a break from your devices. Just to make sure you're not being controlled by a secret organization. EA Please ignore the previous message. Everything is fine. Never stop playing. Here are some donuts to squelch any doubt. The player receives "The Secret of the Cut Stone Pt. 10" and is award with 20

Quash Those Who Trespass Against Us

Who are those dudes in the creepy hoods? Good lord! It's The Order! The sworn enemy of The Stonecutters! In times past, The Stonecutters and The Order were allies. But they were torn apart by a disagreement over chopstick etiquette. We must tap them before they tap us. Message Tap the Robed Figures walking around town to remove them from your town and earn bonus Emblems! The player receives "Quash Those Who Trespass Against Us".

Trust No One

Now, we must spy on Other Springfields to learn what they know about us. Why? We've always gotten along. Sending Valentines and Christmas cards and playfully vandalizing each other. Yes, but each Springfield now has a version of me. And I know for a fact that I've got it in for me. This twisty thinking is making me sleepy. Can we make the Sky Finger do our spying? I'm going to nap. Message Visit Other Springfields and use Friend Actions to Spy on them for bonus Emblems! The player receives "Trust No One". Excellent spying, Sky Finger! Information should flow free and be available to all. Except OUR information. We don't need anybody being all up in our stuff! Stop other people from spying on us! Message Stop any attempts to spy on your Springfield. The faster you do it, the more Emblems you'll earn!

It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 1

After tapping on Number 51's exclamation mark Pulse rate normal in all three hearts. Skin clammy and deep green. Fingertip tentacles still sucky… I appear unaffected by the nuclear blast that obliterated Springfield. Commencing celebration protocol. Imbibing fungal excrement commonly referred to as "beer." The player receives "It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 1" which is to "Make Number 51 Drink Fungal Excrement". It takes 8 hours. Hey there! Fellow beer lover, huh? Yes, I find fungal excrement pleasant in taste and similar in color to human urine. Now you're making ME thirsty! Sit with me and I will purchase your glass of drink for you. You are the classiest friend I've ever had!

It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 2

After tapping on Number 51's exclamation mark My heart lights are fading – I require sustenance! Sustenants? Eh, I'm not really into ethnic foods. Let's grab a Krusty Burger. That'll light your heart right up! The player receives "It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 2" which is to "Make Number 51 Consume Engineered "Meat" Product". It takes 1 hour. Hey there! Fellow beer lover, huh? This “burger” contains no organic matter whatsoever. It is mostly cow-flavored shredded plastic. That's right. Everybody SAYS they support recycling, but no one puts their money where their mouth is.... by which I mean, eat used plastic bottles. Complain all you want –no refunds! You've misunderstood me, Clown. The twin aromas of floor cleaner and burnt hair remind me of Martian cuisine. My compliments to the gas cloud who prepares your foodstuffs.

It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 3

After tapping on Number 51's exclamation mark These Krusty Burgers have made me homesick. They have also given me cramps in two of my stomachs. I shall call my mothership and report on my marital status and whether or not I am wearing sunscreen. The player receives "It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 3" which is to "Make Number 51 Phone Home". It takes 1 hour.

It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 4

After tapping on Number 51's exclamation mark Homer, you are my friend and so it is with heavy heart that I tell you the mothership is coming to take me back to Mars. Also, they plan to enslave all of humankind. Great! ‘cept… I'm not listening ‘cause… TV is on… Your apathy is troubling. However, you have given me an idea. Scooch over! The player receives "It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 4" which is to "Make Number 51 Watch Old B-Movies". It takes 24 hours. That movie made no sense! If water kills aliens why would they invade a planet that is 71% ocean? Ooh look, there's a sequel. Shall we watch it? Nuke another bag of kettle corn and hand me a throw blanket, we are watching this bad boy!

It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 5

After tapping on Number 51's exclamation mark I have devised a plan to save your planet! Oh, good! I don't want to die or see my loved ones die. I shall edit footage from horror movies to convince the Martian War Council that Earth has already been conquered. Really? That doesn't seem like a very good plan. Maybe I'll just hide behind my loved ones. I forgot to mention, I have mad editing skills. Oh. Then we should be fine. The player receives "It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 5" which is to "Make Number 51 Create Invasion "Documentary"". It takes 8 hours.

It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 6

After tapping on Number 51's exclamation mark Why are you working so hard to save the Human Race? I have developed a deep affection for your flawed but noble species. Also, I have a gift certificate for a spa day that I have not used yet. I do not want it to go to waste. The player receives "It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 6" which is to "Make Number 51 Send Invasion "Documentary" to the Mothership". It takes 4 hours. Did your plan work? They believed that the footage was of another alien race conquering this planet. Woo hoo! However, that did not discourage them from wanting to conquer the earth themselves. D'oh! But the romantic subplot between divorced federal agents who reignite their passion made the council think that humans would be too annoying to deal with.

It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 7

After tapping on Number 51's exclamation mark To Earth, its wonderful peoples and heavenly hot stone massages! The player receives "It's Just Swamp Gas Pt. 7" which is to "Make Number 51 Drink Fungal Excrement", "Make Number 51 Consume "Meat" Product", and "Make Number 51 Watch TV". It takes 1, 8 and 24 hours. So is nobody going to say how strange it is that a Martian is just wandering around Springfield? We have leprechauns that poop money and run away if you tap them – nobody thinks that's weird. I actually do... but I see your point.

For Your Security

After tapping on Marge's exclamation mark The town has gotten so big its hard to find people when I need to hit them up to buy church raffle tickets. Well, Marge, you can always use the Town Census. But a Census just tells you where people live, it doesn't know where people are at all times. Er, uh, actually the new NSA-ified census knows where everyoneis and what they are doing all er, uh, time. Hmm, I'm sure that has sinister repercussions I should consider... But I can't get past how much easier raffle sales are going to be! Yay! Meassage You can now use the Town Hall to spy... er... find anyone in your Springfield! The player receives "For Your Security" which is to "Use the Town Census to Find Someone".

The Ark of the Stonecovenant Pt. 1

It is foretold that whosoever completes the 24 Sacred Tasks will unlock the untold riches of... The Ark of the Stonecovenant! This looks like a bunch of kid-drawings. And not like a Lisa-kid-drawing, like a Bart or below. Those are ancient hieroglyphs dating back to the very first Stonecutters. To unlock the secrets of the parchment and open the Ark, one must possess great intellect or be super into puzzles and stuff. Message Tap on the Sacred Parchment to view the tasks available to you and try solve the pictogram puzzles. New puzzles unlock each day. The player receives "The Ark of the Stonecovenant Pt. 1".

The Ark of the Stonecovenant Pt. 2

At last, the treasure of the Ark is within my grasp! Wait, wait, wait, I thought the person who figured out the puzzle got the treasure. Yes, well, we're all going to be richer once the Ark is opened. Whether we simply share in the experience of opening it or whether we grab handfuls of things and run away. The player receives "The Ark of the Stonecovenant Pt. 2" which is to "Build Ark of the Stonecovenant". There's just a piece of paper in here. We've been “One Tin Soldiered!” What?! Let me see! “True wealth is measured by the number of people who call you friend.” That is bulls*&*t!! The chest it came in is kind of nice. Sturdy. Oh goodie! We got a new box!

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 36

After tapping on Krusty's exclamation mark Number 36, I have a task of the utmost importance. Lay it on me, I owe you guys for “taking care” of that little incident between Mr. Teeny and Barack Obama's dog. Like every powerful secret society, The Stonecutters are highly dependent on a subsidy from the Corn lobby. We need you to sell corn in your restaurants. Dude, everything in my restaurant is made of corn and some kind of adhesive. The buns, the pickles, even the Laughy Meal toys. Excellent. Now figure out a way to double that. The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 36" which is to "Make Number 36 Promote Corn-sumerism". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 600

After tapping on Skinner's exclamation mark Skinner, as Chosen One I'm ordering you to alter some records at the school. But Chosen One, I could lose my job for tampering with school records. Besides, Bart needs to learn that his actions have consequences. Who said anything about the boy? I want you to make Lisa's "F" in Physical Education go away. Lisa?! Anything for her! Her test scores are the only thing that keeps us from having to put quotation marks around the word “school.” The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 600" which is to "Make Number 600 Tamper with School Records". It takes 4 hours. Oh my goodness! I'm going to be presented with an award for excellence. I'll to have to shift some things around on my award shelf. Wait, this can't be right. It says I'm getting an award for outstanding performance in Physical Education?! Ooh, I'll bet those Stonecutters are behind this. Still. An award is an award. I better go scrunch some trophies closer together.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 85

After tapping on Willie's exclamation mark Ach! It's great being a Stonecutter, but I hate having to wear this silly robe. How kin ye feel like a man when ye're wearing a floor-length gown? Ah bet with a few alterations Willie could turn this girly dress into a manly skirt! The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 85" which is to "Make Number 85 Fashion Robes into a Kilt". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 21

After tapping on Moe's exclamation mark Ah, having a cocktail with the guys. It's nice to not be the booze monkey who has to jump every time someone says, “I need another beer!” I need another beer! Moe, could you shamble down to the basement and fetch another keg? Why me? I outrank a lot of these guys! I know, but the kegs are large and must be carried on one's back. We need a man with a good hump between his shoulders. Well, okay. I guess it's nice to be wanted for my body. The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 21" which is to "Make Number 21 Restock the Stonecutter Keggery". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 50

After tapping on Wiggum's exclamation mark You asked to see me, O great 1? Ah yes, Number 50, I'm embarrassed to say I've had a few more parking tickets. But how? You have the ultimate parking sticker. You can park anywhere. Even in your office building. We had to change all kinds of building codes to let you drive through the lobby like that. Yes, but although I'm usually allowed to park near hydrants, I cannot when firemen are actively fighting an apartment fire. It looks like they cited you for “parking on top of their hoses.” And for your car being on fire. I'll take care of these right away. And I'll make sure those firemen get only the worst fires from now on! You needn't bother. But you know that thing where women think all firemen are sexy? Yeah. Maybe not so much for those guys. Got it. The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 85" which is to "Make Number 50 Dispose of Parking Tickets". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 111

After tapping on Grampa's exclamation mark Where am I? Why am I wearing this robe? Who put this chicken wing in my hand? You are a Stonecutter, this an event planning meeting and you were giving the “ice” report. Good. Thank you, Number 111. You know, in my day we didn't need ice! Room temperature – that was the latest craze! Oh, dear God… Back then, we worked hard to out-racist each other and developed new and exciting ways to explain away science… We must review our retirement/euthanasia policy. The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 111" which is to "Make Number 111 Reminisce How Things Were Better". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 22

After tapping on Quimby's exclamation mark Hello Number 22, my dear friend! How are you enjoying your mayorship? I am loving it. Thank you. It was the most amazing Secret Santa gift anyone could hope for. I'm just glad you like it. While I'm here, would it be possible to get some by-laws passed? Whatever you want. Just tell my girl. Don't you want to look these over? Some of them are rather nefarious. Then peddle it somewhere else because I have a responsibility to my constituents. Good one, 22! Those improv classes are paying off. Did I, er, say it right? Constituents? That's a word, isn't it? The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 22" which is to "Make Number 22 Sneak in a Bylaw". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 66

After tapping on Kent Brockman's exclamation mark Template:Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon I bring grim tidings, Your 1-ness. Template:Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon Lisa Simpson and her Anti-Stonecutter rallies have gotten a lot of people asking questions about this thing of ours. Template:Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon I'm afraid the network is feeling pressured to take a closer look at The Stonecutters. Looks like this town needs a little distraction. Perhaps a fear-inducing crackpot theory or three. Think you can handle that? Template:Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon If I can't, then I don't deserve to call myself a small market local newscaster. The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 66" which is to "Make Number 66 Broadcast "Crackpot" Theories". It takes 4 hours. Template:Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon Tonight: Is the moon slowly killing us? Template:Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon Also, does the color of your pants affect your ability to father a child? Template:Tapped Out Kent Brockman Icon Later, we'll learn about pets who turn against their owners in the third part of our series: “Terror In The Hamster-ball”

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 2

After tapping on Dr. Hibbert's exclamation mark Oh Number 2, masterminding evil plots has really taken its toll on me. You just need a little perking up. I'll schedule a liver transplant for you. Is my liver failing?! No, but it's nice to have new stuff. Well, all right. But aren't there waiting lists for these sorts of things? Pshaw! You let me worry about that. The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 2" which is to "Make Number 2 Re-jig Waiting Lists". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 59

After tapping on Smithers's exclamation mark Number 59, I notice that when the other members talk you seem to pay very close attention. Not to every member, just the distinguished ones like Mr. Burns… and you. Would you mind taking minutes during our next meeting? I'll hang on your every word. The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 59" which is to "Make Number 59 Take Meeting Minutes". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 12

After tapping on Lenny's exclamation mark Man, being in a secret cult is the best! It ain't gonna be secret much longer if you keep inviting people to join. Do you really want all these idiots to get in? No! I hate them all. I don't want any of them to get in. It's just… I think I'm addicted to hazing. The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 59" which is to "Make Number 12 Haze Initiate". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 14

After tapping on Carl's exclamation mark Hey, Lenny, they want me to pose for the cover of the Stonecutter’s Annual Report! Do you think they asked you because they’re getting heat for not allowing women and they’re trying to seem more… inclusive? No! They chose me cause I’m photogenic. Though they want me to pose in a wheelchair and wear a shirt that says, “Trans-gender”. Work it, Girl! You know I will. The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 14" which is to "Make Number 14 Do Stonecutters Publicity Piece". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 314

After tapping on Frink's exclamation mark Number 314, I need you to build a “doomsday” weapon. We're the only secret organization without one and it's getting embarrassing. Certainly. There are basically two ways we could go… There is implosion, with the sucking and whooshing and everyone crowded into a teeny-tiny speck… Or there is explosion with the booms and the flashes and everything gets waaaay more spread out… very roomy… I leave the choice to you. Have fun with it! The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 314" which is to "Make Number 314 Create a Doomsday Weapon". It takes 4 hours. Good glay-vin! I've done it! I've built a device which will alter the universe as we know it! How does it work? It's a “What if?” device. I simply set it to: “What if the big bang missed?” and everything changes. Until we use it we won't know exactly what happens. We could be erased from existence or we could look the same but with noses right next to our butts. Which would be… bad, too. Ahoyvin.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 79

After tapping on Disco Stu's exclamation mark Lodge Brothers from other Lodge Mothers. I've brought you the gift of disco. Dance floor, strobe, and DJ – everything to make this a Boogie Night. But we're all dudes. Who are we going to dance with? Turn the lights down as low as they go and you can't see that you're dancing alone! That's what Disco Stu does every night. Every. Single. Night. Disco Stu just realized he has crippling depression. The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 79" which is to "Make Number 79 Host Disco Night at the Lodge". It takes 4 hours.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 67

After tapping on Arnie Pye's exclamation mark Hello Number 67. Gah! Every time I hear my name it reminds me that Brockman, that overpaid hairstyle, is one rank higher than me! You know, if you were able to, er uh, snarl traffic in the district of my political rival, I may be able to, er-uh, bump you up a few numbers. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's ruining someone else's day. Traffic, get ready to stand still! The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 67" which is to "Make Number 67 Redirect Traffic Flow". It takes 4 hours. I did it! Now give me my new number! You idiot! You taunted Brockman the whole time. On the air! You used my name! Now I have to get an aide to change their name to Quimby so I can pin the rap on them. I'm starting to think that punishing commuters for petty slights committed by their elected officials might not be, er ah, worth it.

Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 908

After tapping on Jasper's exclamation mark Well, Homer, looks like you saved the best for last! You better believe that's a paddlin'! The player receives "Welcome to The Stonecutters, Number 5" which is to "Make Number 908 Get Paddled". It takes 16 hours.