Difference between revisions of "The Cartridge Family/Quotes"
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| − | + | {{TabQ}} | |
| − | + | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Treehouse of Horror VIII|Bart Star}} | |
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| − | Homer | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} It's a handgun! Isn't it great? This is the trigger, and this is the thing you point at whatever you want to die. |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Homer, I don't allow guns in my house! Don't you remember when Maggie shot Mr. Burns? | |
| − | + | {{qf|Homer}} I thought Smithers did it. | |
| − | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} That would have made a lot more sense. | |
| − | + | ---- | |
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[walking out of store to his car]'' Lousy big shot, thinks he's so big 'cause he's got a lot of guns, if he didn't have any guns I'd show him a thing or two... ''[at home, pacing the hallway in front of Lisa's bedroom]'' ...let's see him walk into my store and then we'll see who's worried about five-day waiting periods... | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} Dad...it's 3 A.M! Can't you mutter in your room? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Marge kicked me out. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[groans]'' All right. Go ahead. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Pushy kids think they can tell me what to do in my house, Why, I tell you these parents these days they don't know how to rear children... | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I'd like to buy your deadliest gun, please. | ||
| + | {{qf|Gun Shop Owner}} Aisle six, next to the sympathy cards. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Moe]]}} And that's how, with a few minor adjustments, you can turn a regular gun into five guns. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|TV Announcer}} You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Ariaga! Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, I never heard of those people. | ||
| + | {{qf|TV Announcer}} And they'll all be signing autographs! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Woo-hoo! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} A gun is not a weapon, Marge, it's a tool. Like a butcher's knife or a harpoon, or... or an alligator. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Lady}} Lookin' for a good time, sailor? | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} I certainly am! | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} No you're not! ''[to the lady]'' He's really not. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[to Marge]'' Come to the NRA meeting with me and if you still don't think guns are great, we'll argue some more. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} But I ''have'' to have a gun. It's in the Constitution. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} Dad, the 2nd Amendment is just a remnant from revolutionary days. It has no meaning today. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} You couldn't be more wrong Lisa. If I didn't have this gun, the King of England could just walk in here any time he wants and start shoving you around. Do you want that? ''[pokes Lisa]'' Huh? ''[shoves her]'' Do ya!? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I'm sorry I lied to you Marge, but this gun had a hold on me. I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Announcer}} This match will decide which nation is the greatest on Earth: [[Mexico]] or [[Portugal]]! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[The Simpsons eat from everything but the dinner plates which Bart and Homer shot at earlier.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Does anyone know where all my dinner plates went? | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Um... | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Um, you probably left them at work. On another topic, guess who was picked to host the next NRA meeting! | ||
| + | :''[Points gun to himself.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Homer, I told you this morning, no guns at the dinner table. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} You said the breakfast table. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} It's the same table! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Listen, if it'll make you feel any better, I'll put the safety on. ''[Homer attempts to put the safety on, but accidentally fires the gun. We see the bullet just nick Marge's shoulder in a picture of her hanging on a bulletin board.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh... I guess the safety was on. ''[he tries again, but again accidentally fires it, this time hitting the same picture of Marge square in the chest]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I'd better just put it down. | ||
| + | :''[He sets the gun on the table. While it rests there, the gun fires itself, and the bullet ricochets off a pot, hitting a knife sitting in a brick of cheese. The knife sails through the air, and stabs the same picture of Marge right between the eyes.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} No offense Mom, but that was pretty cool. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Salesman}} But surely you can't put a price on your family's lives! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} I'm a lucky woman. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} And I'm a wonderful man. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Homer, we've got to get out of here! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Ooh, but I want to do some rioting. ''[pushes one of the Scotsmen]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Scotsman}} ''[turns to face Homer, screaming]'' Jobbers cobknots, ya mucker! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} All done! ''[runs off]'' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Salesman}} Looks like you called me just in time. This home isn't secure at all. ''[he begins to pocket a few items from around the house]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[to Marge]'' What did I tell you, Marge? | ||
| + | {{qf|Salesman}} Intruders could come in down the chimney, through the mail slot, even hidden in your groceries. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[Homer grabs for his gun, but the cashier holds onto it.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Cashier}} Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've got to run a background check. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Five days? But I'm mad now! | ||
| + | :''[The cashier pulls the gun away from Homer.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I'd kill you if I had my gun. | ||
| + | {{qf|Cashier}} Yeah, well, you don't. | ||
| − | + | {{Season 9|Q}} | |
| − | + | {{DEFAULTSORT:Cartridge Family/Quotes}} | |
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Latest revision as of 00:16, May 15, 2024
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- Homer: It's a handgun! Isn't it great? This is the trigger, and this is the thing you point at whatever you want to die.
- Marge: Homer, I don't allow guns in my house! Don't you remember when Maggie shot Mr. Burns?
- Homer: I thought Smithers did it.
- Lisa: That would have made a lot more sense.
- Homer: [walking out of store to his car] Lousy big shot, thinks he's so big 'cause he's got a lot of guns, if he didn't have any guns I'd show him a thing or two... [at home, pacing the hallway in front of Lisa's bedroom] ...let's see him walk into my store and then we'll see who's worried about five-day waiting periods...
- Lisa: Dad...it's 3 A.M! Can't you mutter in your room?
- Homer: Marge kicked me out.
- Lisa: [groans] All right. Go ahead.
- Homer: Pushy kids think they can tell me what to do in my house, Why, I tell you these parents these days they don't know how to rear children...
- Homer: I'd like to buy your deadliest gun, please.
- Gun Shop Owner: Aisle six, next to the sympathy cards.
- Moe: And that's how, with a few minor adjustments, you can turn a regular gun into five guns.
- TV Announcer: You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Ariaga! Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza!
- Homer: Oh, I never heard of those people.
- TV Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs!
- Homer: Woo-hoo!
- Homer: A gun is not a weapon, Marge, it's a tool. Like a butcher's knife or a harpoon, or... or an alligator.
- Lady: Lookin' for a good time, sailor?
- Bart: I certainly am!
- Marge: No you're not! [to the lady] He's really not.
- Homer: [to Marge] Come to the NRA meeting with me and if you still don't think guns are great, we'll argue some more.
- Homer: But I have to have a gun. It's in the Constitution.
- Lisa: Dad, the 2nd Amendment is just a remnant from revolutionary days. It has no meaning today.
- Homer: You couldn't be more wrong Lisa. If I didn't have this gun, the King of England could just walk in here any time he wants and start shoving you around. Do you want that? [pokes Lisa] Huh? [shoves her] Do ya!?
- Homer: I'm sorry I lied to you Marge, but this gun had a hold on me. I felt this incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
- [The Simpsons eat from everything but the dinner plates which Bart and Homer shot at earlier.]
- Marge: Does anyone know where all my dinner plates went?
- Bart: Um...
- Homer: Um, you probably left them at work. On another topic, guess who was picked to host the next NRA meeting!
- [Points gun to himself.]
- Marge: Homer, I told you this morning, no guns at the dinner table.
- Homer: You said the breakfast table.
- Marge: It's the same table!
- Homer: Listen, if it'll make you feel any better, I'll put the safety on. [Homer attempts to put the safety on, but accidentally fires the gun. We see the bullet just nick Marge's shoulder in a picture of her hanging on a bulletin board.]
- Homer: Oh... I guess the safety was on. [he tries again, but again accidentally fires it, this time hitting the same picture of Marge square in the chest]
- Homer: I'd better just put it down.
- [He sets the gun on the table. While it rests there, the gun fires itself, and the bullet ricochets off a pot, hitting a knife sitting in a brick of cheese. The knife sails through the air, and stabs the same picture of Marge right between the eyes.]
- Lisa: No offense Mom, but that was pretty cool.
- Salesman: But surely you can't put a price on your family's lives!
- Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.
- Marge: I'm a lucky woman.
- Homer: And I'm a wonderful man.
- Marge: Homer, we've got to get out of here!
- Homer: Ooh, but I want to do some rioting. [pushes one of the Scotsmen]
- Scotsman: [turns to face Homer, screaming] Jobbers cobknots, ya mucker!
- Homer: All done! [runs off]
- Salesman: Looks like you called me just in time. This home isn't secure at all. [he begins to pocket a few items from around the house]
- Homer: [to Marge] What did I tell you, Marge?
- Salesman: Intruders could come in down the chimney, through the mail slot, even hidden in your groceries.
- [Homer grabs for his gun, but the cashier holds onto it.]
- Cashier: Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've got to run a background check.
- Homer: Five days? But I'm mad now!
- [The cashier pulls the gun away from Homer.]
- Homer: I'd kill you if I had my gun.
- Cashier: Yeah, well, you don't.
