Difference between revisions of "To Courier with Love/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 03:34, October 16, 2021

[After Lisa discovers the suitcase and the snake while in the plane to Paris]

Homer: I can't break her heart.

Lisa: Well, you can't let anything bad happen to that snake!

Homer: I promise. And you have to promise to preserve another endangered species: My marriage.

Lisa: I promise.

Homer: For the first time a snake has ruined paradise!

Marge: Homer, you have to do more!

Homer: Ook?!

Marge: I'm getting tired of your "Ooks". I can't do this alone. Where's your chore list?

Homer: Oh, I'm taking care of that! It's laminated. And to make sure I do it... [shows Marge a doodle of her on the back of the chore list] Hmm?

[Marge groans]

[Homer, Bart, Lisa and Maggie find an old car on the garage]

Lisa: I've never seen this. It must've been left by some previous owner.

Homer: Holy moly, a valuable antique car!! This is the find of a lifetime! Oh, it's a stick.

[Homer enters the car and starts the engine]

Lisa: Dad, shouldn't we see who owns the car?

Homer: Now, sweetie, according to the ancient law of Trover, abandoned property passes to the subsequent landowner.

Bart: Man, ever since you watched Medieval Tomb Robbers on the History Channel, everything with you is Trover, Trover, Trover!

Homer: Boy, either show me a writ of replevin or pipe down!

Homer: Well, if it isn't my favorite gal in my favorite room!

Marge: I'm glad you had a good day.

Homer: You don't sound glad.

Marge: I'm not glad.

Homer: But you said you were glad!

Marge: You need to read between the lines.

Homer: Why? There's just white space there.

Marge: [crying] I'm sorry, Homie. Your life is full of fun surprises. My life sucks!

[sobs and grabs a box of tissues]

Homer: [thinking] Uh-oh. Tissues. [Marge lays down on the bed] W... would it help if I rubbed your back? Huh? Eh? Uh...

Marge: Your hands smell like steering wheel.

Homer: Poor Marge. What do I do? Help me, universe! [the doorbell rings and Homer opens the door] Jay Leno?!

Jay Leno: Hiya! I was just passing in my 1973 Citroen DS Pallas when I saw that classic Morgan with the original wood dash interior. Man, I... I'd like to buy it!

Homer: You'll have to pay cash with no questions asked.

Jay Leno: How much you want?

Homer: I said no questions!

[Homer and Lisa try to release the snake at the Louvre]

Lisa: Okay, you're free! Now, remember to respect this ecosystem. [the snake stays still]

Homer: Come on, go! You'll be a snake that lives in Paris. It's a children's book that writes itself!

[Ugolín and Cesar appear]

Ugolín: Not so fast!

Lisa: [gasps] How did you find us?

Cesar: All tourists come to the Louvre.

Homer: Hey, it's got great paintings.

Ugolín: Oh, yeah? Name two.

Homer: Uh... Uh... Uh...

Lisa: Don't patronize us! You make belts from snakes!

Cesar: We treat our high fashion animals in the most humane manner.

[A brief scene showing a crocodile getting drunk and then hit in a factory is showed; then the scene goes back to Homer, Lisa, Ugolín and Cesar]

Lisa: [gasps] You're monsters.

Cesar: True, but that is just a part of who we are.

Ugolín: We are also poets.

Cesar: Communists.

Ugolín: Experts on mustard.

[Ugolín and Cesar realise Homer and Lisa have left]

Cesar: They're gone!

Ugolín: If we want to be criminals, we should keep a better eye on people. It's really not that hard.

Cesar: Do not worry. There is one surefire way to find the Americans. [shouts loudly] Marco!

Homer: [far off] Polo!

Homer: It's time for me to do what I do best: prolong this marriage!

Homer: Fortune favors the bald.

Homer: For Marge I will make the supreme sacrifice of not doing something.