Difference between revisions of "New Kid on the Block/Quotes"

Revision as of 13:51, August 27, 2012

Lionel Hutz: "Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my case against The Never-Ending Story!"

Moe: "Barney, don't steal any beer while I'm gone."

Barney: "What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for? [looks around the bar] Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray!" [starts drinking beer out of the ashtray]

Homer: "Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and… um… Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman."

Lionel Hutz: "Homer, I don't use the word 'hero' very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history."

Bart: "I'll show them who's 'just a kid!'"

Marge: "Bart, bedtime! I laid out your jammy-jams!"

Ruth: "I actually had some doubts about moving to Springfield, especially after that TIME cover story, 'America's Worst City.'"

Marge: "You could see our house in that photo!"

Lawyer: "Your Honor, I'd like to show the court just how much shrimp Mr. Simpson ate. Bring it in, boys!"

Aide: "Eighteen thousand letters, all addressed to Santa Claus."

Lawyer: "You want the People of Springfield versus Kris Kringle. That's next door."

Homer: There was something else...something I was supposed to tiptoe around.

Ruth Powers: My divorce.

Homer: That's it! Woo-hoo! I'm glad one of us remembered. That could've been embarrassing.

Bart: Hey, sometimes a guy just likes his skin to look its yellowest.

Homer: Marge, we're going to that restaurant.

Marge: But I think I'm allergic to seafood. The last time I ate shrimp, my throat closed up, and I went into convulsions.

Homer: Mmm... shrimp...

Laura Powers [to Bart]: Are you all right?

Bart's Brain: She's beautiful. Say something clever.

Bart: I fell on my bottom.

Bart's Brain: D'oh

Bart: I no longer control the hand... The hand controls me!

Homer: Shut up, you little monsters!

Homer [finding a babysitter]: I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.

Woman: Sorry, this isn't Abby; this is her sister. I look after her now.

Abigail: [rocking, but otherwise motionless in her rocking chair] No, Bart. Put it down, Bart. Bart, put it down.

Waiter: I'm sorry, ma'am, but everything on the menu has fish in it.

Marge: Mmm, what about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?

Waiter: Yes.

Homer: This is my quest. I'm like that guy. That Spanish guy. You know, he fought the windmill...

Marge: Don Quixote?

Homer: No, that's not it. What's-his-name, the Man of La Mancha.

Marge: Don Quixote.

Homer: No!

Marge: I really think that was the character's name. Don Quixote.

Homer: Fine! I'll look it up! [heads off and consults a reference]

Marge: Well, who was it?

Homer: Never mind.

Bart [about Jimbo Jones]: How can you like that guy?

Laura: I dunno. Maybe because he's an outlaw. You know that dead body they found behind the mayor's house?

Bart: Jimbo killed him?

Laura: No. But he poked him with a stick.

Lisa: Good luck in your trumped-up lawsuit, Dad.

Homer: [hugs her] Thanks. That means a lot to me.

Bart [about Jimbo Jones]: What do you like about him? He's just a good-looking rebel who plays by his own rules.

Lisa and Laura: [sigh wistfully]

Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, in your own words, please tell us what happened after you and your husband were ejected from the restaurant.

Marge: We pretty much went straight home.

Lionel Hutz: Remember, Mrs. Simpson, you're still under oath.

Marge: We drove around until 3:00 in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.

Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn't find any?

Marge: (crying) We went fishing!

Moe: Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?

Barney: Maybe your standards are too high! (barflies laughs)

Moe: (to Bart) You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!

Bart: As usual, a knife-wielding maniac has shown us the way.

Barney: Uh oh, my heart just stopped..... oh, there it goes.

Laura: [on the phone] Hello, I'd like to speak to Ms. Tinkle? First name...

Bart: [whispers]

Laura: Ivana?

Moe: [on the phone] Ivana Tinkle, just a sec. [calls] Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle! Hey, everybody, put down your glasses. Ivana Tinkle!

Grampa: Bart, oh you remembered my birthday?

Bart: Huh? Oh, I sure did! Here's a bus schedule.

Grampa: Wow, fits right in my pocket.