The 21 Types of Employees

The 21 Types of Employees is Mr. Burns' list of employee types he has encountered, both in his own workplace (Springfield Nuclear Power Plant) and elsewhere. For each type, Burns cites a person who represents it and a quote that shows how the person exemplifies the type.

List of Types

Type Character Quote Backstabbio Cookie Kwan Boss, I think Joe is a great choice for that promotion! I'm sure his drinking problem won't get in the way. The Smarmy Idea Stealer Cecil Terwilliger Does it really matter who gets credit, Johnson? A good idea belongs to the universe! The Inappropriate Joke Teller Raphael If I learned anything in sensitivity training, it's to always check to see if there are any gays, blacks, or Jews within earshot. No? Good! A rabbi accidentally walks into a blacks-only gay bar... The Water Cooler Spoiler Lenny Leonard I'm not going to give anything away. This is just a comment on the special effects ... The scene where the guy's wife transforms into a giant robot was totally unbelievable. The Clock Watcher Edna Krabappel (Staring at a clock that shows it's nearly 3:00) On your mark ... Get set ... Mr. Unwelcome Kent Brockman Your boobs remind me of a joke... Mr. Moonlight Otto Mann (Sitting inside school bus) This is just my day job. The Kwik-E-Mart graveyard shift is where I really shine. The Woman Who Dresses for Sex-Cess Titania I wish my boss would stop complimenting me on my thong. It's like he doesn't even notice my cleavage! The Long-Timer Groundskeeper Willie I remember when I used to give a damn. Don't worry, the feeling will pass eventually. The Nervous Intern Squeaky-voiced teen No, Sir! I mean...Yes, Sir! I mean...Ma'am! As in short for Madame, not mammaries! Oh geez, was that sexist? Because I don't think of you as sexy! Oh crap...I'm fired, aren't I? The Time Cop Lindsey Naegle I couldn't help but notice that you were ten minutes late coming back from your mother's funeral. Don't tell me traffic is to blame because I see you still have the little flag on your car. The Smelly Food Heater-Upper Carl Carlson Mmm...Hongeo for lunch today! Also known as "Rotten Korean Skate Fish"! The Fantasy Football Coach Kirk Van Houten I got arrested for beating my wife...Oh no, not Luann! I meant my fantasy cheerleader wife! The Pressure Cooker Selma Bouvier I swear, if one more person asks my how my day is going, I...am...going...to...explode! Dr. Doolittle-As-Possible Homer Simpson There! All my paperclips are arranged by size, gage, and luster! The Condescending I.T. Guy Benjamin «sigh» Let me describe this in terms you can understand. The router is that thing that looks like the box where you stash your weed, but with little blinky lights, "Dude". Too-Much-Power Man Waylon Smithers, Jr. From now on, I need everyone to log in how many squares of toilet paper they use in the restroom. The Disgruntled Mutterer Mindy Simmons Rassa frackin' vending machine...Sonova...Teach you to be outta Cheez Nutz! The Double Agent Diane What was that you said about our lousy boss? Could you speak a little louder...and in the direction of my lapel pin? The Insufferable Yes-Man Jeremy You are so right, Sir! You're the only person at this company who gets it! The tuna salad in the commissary is to die for! Nepotismo the Unknowable Freddy Quimby I'm the boss's favorite nephew, but please just treat me like any other insignificant employee.

Appearances

Book – C. Montgomery Burns' Handbook of World Domination