Level 5 (The Simpsons: Hit & Run)/Quotes
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- Apu: Oh, I have been selling tainted cola. Unless I redeem myself, I will be reincarnated as a sea cucumber. Or worse, a land cucumber. I must find the source of this evil beverage.
- Apu: Hello stereotypical Italians. Pleased to tell me the source of the evil cola.
- Louie: We don't know nothing. Except that the vans are controlled by mysterious strangers. Anyway, you shouldn't stick your nose in other people's business. It could come back to haunt you and your family.
- Apu: Oh my gosh, your thinly veiled threat has reminded me of my fatherly duties. I'm supposed to pick up the octuplets at the doctor's.
- Dr. Hibbert: I'm afraid we have a medical emergency.
- Apu: [gasp] Oh no, my babies.
- Dr. Hibbert: Your babies are about to go to the bathroom all over my waiting room. And diapers aren't covered by your insurance. You better hurry, I heard the parents of the Shelbyville Nine are grabbing every diaper in town.
- Apu: Quickly! Cover my incontinent children's tushies!
- Patty Bouvier: You did better than the American drivers.
- Apu: I am American.
- Patty: Sure you are. That's great.
- Apu: Hello, famous American clown. I wish to ask a favor.
- Krusty: Everyone wants to wet their beaks. Uh.
- Apu: I require information about trucks delivering evil cola. How can I get this classified data?
- Krusty: Sorry, Apu. I'm a drink squeeze punchy lowlife. You need a professional scumbag. Follow a cop until you find one. You'll have better luck if you, you know, look American.
- Snake Jailbird: Hand over your wallet, dude. This is totally a mugging.
- Apu: Oh, what good luck. A criminal.
- Snake: Huh?
- Apu: Surely a violent filth bag such as yourself could find out who is driving the black cola vans.
- Snake: Well, I do have a connection at the DMV, but it will cost you. You have to pick up the litter for my community service.
- Apu: It is a deal.
- Snake: Deal. Now, hand over your wallet.
- Apu: Sir, this folder is empty. To rob me is one thing, but I never expected you to lie.
- Snake: Dude, relax, okay? I've got the info you need. I just need help with a little more community service. Haha. Oh, I'm totally evil.
- Apu: I should know better than to trust that demented chuckle. But okay.
- Apu: If you do not tell me who owns the cola trucks, then I will be forced to use profanity.
- Snake: Okay, okay. Don't go nuts. Look, the cola trucks are registered to the museum.
- Apu: The museum? What? Each level of this adventure is more exciting than the last.
- Bart: I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually excited to be going to a museum.
- Apu: We did it! We destroyed a priceless archaeological artifact.
- Kang Johnson: Kodos! Look at these space ratings for Foolish Earthlings.
- Kodos Johnson: What happened, Kang? Foolish Earthlings used to be the number one reality show in the galaxy. Space viewers couldn't get enough of these humans and their behavior.
- Kang: Our show is down in all key demos.
- Kodos: But our show concept was so perfect. We film these idiotic bipeds with hidden cameras and beam it into every television in the galaxy.
