Difference between revisions of "Treehouse of Horror VII/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 18:27, April 3, 2024

Lisa: What's up there?

Bart: Yeah, is it a monster?

Lisa: We have to know!

Bart: What's the secret?

Homer: No more questions. I work my butt off to feed you four kids and all you do I -- what?

Marge: Three! We have three kids, Homer!

Marge: You went into the attic? I'm very disappointed and terrified.

Dr. Hibbert: Yes, I remember Bart's birth well. You don't forget a thing like... Siamese twins.

Lisa: I believe they prefer to be called "conjoined twins."

Dr. Hibbert: And hillbillies prefer to be called "sons of the soil," but it ain't gonna happen.

Dr. Hibbert: But what to do with poor Hugo? Too crazy for Boys Town, too much of a boy for Crazy Town, the child was an outcast. So we did the only humane thing.

Homer: We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week.

Marge: It saved our marriage!

Homer: We'll search out every place a sick, twisted, solitary misfit might run to.

Lisa: I'll start with RadioShack.

Homer: Right. Bart, you stay home and tape the hockey game.

Bart: You're crazy!

Hugo: Am I? Well, perhaps we're all a little crazy. I know I am. I went mad after they tore us apart. But I'll be sane once I sew us back together.

Dr. Hibbert: You know, isn't it interesting how the left, or sinister, twin is invariably the evil one? I had this theor... Wait a minute, Hugo's scar is on the wrong side! He couldn't have been the evil left twin! That means the evil twin is, and always has been... Bart.

Bart: Oh, don't look so shocked.

Lisa: Oh boy! Mold! That's science-fair paydirt!

Lisa: Hey, these aren't waffles—these are just square pancakes!

Marge: I'm sorry, honey. The waffle iron's in the shop.

Lisa: [moping] That waffle iron's been in the shop forever.

Bart: Your micro-jerks attacked me!

Lisa: Well, you practically destroyed their whole world!

Bart: You can't protect them every second. Sooner or later you'll let your guard down, and then—flush! It's toilet time for tiny town.

Scientist: Unshrink you? Well that would require some sort of a... "rebigulator," which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle. But... Oh, but not at you o holiest of gods with the wrathfulness, and the vengeance, and the blood-rain, and the hey, hey, hey, it hurts me.

Lisa: Principal Skinner, wait! I created the universe! Give me the gift certificate!

Homer: Oh my God... space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

Homer: I suppose you'll want to probe me. Well, might as well get it over with.

[Homer drops his pants]

Kang: Stop. We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us.

Kodos: This is a mission of conquest. Take us to your leader.

Homer: I guess you mean President Clinton. He usually hangs around Washington, D.C.

Kang: President Clin-Ton. Excellent.

Homer: Except... um, there's this election next week, so after that it might not be him anymore. It might be what's-his-name, uh, Mumbly-Joe... uh, I saw him on TV the other... Uh, Bob Dole.

Kent Brockman: [on TV] Kent Brockman here with "Campaign '96: America Flips A Coin". At an appearance this morning, President Clinton made some rather cryptic remarks, which aides attributed to an overly tight necktie.

Kodos: [as Bill Clinton; on TV] I am Clin-Ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. End communication.

Marge: That's Slick Willie for you. Always with the smooth talk.

Homer: Marge, Marge! There I was, I had just caught the largest fish you'd ever seen, when I was abducted by a flying saucer!

Bart: Sure you were, rummy.

Kent Brockman: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?

Kang: [as Bob Dole] It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed. DOOMED!

Kent Brockman: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from Senator Bob Dole.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, seventy-three-year-old candidate Bob Dole!

[the crowd cheers]

Kang: [as Bob Dole] Abortions for all!

[the crowd boos]

Kang: [as Bob Dole] Very well. No abortions for anyone!

[the crowd boos]

Kang: [as Bob Dole] Hmm... Abortions for some... miniature American flags for others!

[the crowd cheers]

Kang: [as Bob Dole] Fooling these Earth-voters is easier than expected.

Kodos: [as Bill Clinton] Yes. All they want to hear are bland pleasantries embellished by an occasional saxophone-solo or infant kiss.

Aide: Uh, Mr. President, sir, people are becoming a bit... confused, by the way you and your opponent are, well, constantly holding hands.

Kang: [as Bob Dole] We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.

Kodos: [as Bill Clinton] My fellow Americans: as a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward... upward, not forward... and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

Homer: Hold on guys. I'll help ya!

Bill Clinton: Oh, no, am I still here? I don't wanna serve out my term naked in a tube.

Bob Dole: I am so mad at the secret service right now.

Kang: [as Bob Dole] The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work again! Tomorrow, when you are sealed in the voting cubicle, vote for me, Senator Ka... ... Bob Dole!

Kodos: It's true. We are aliens. But what are you going to do about it? It's a two-party system. You have to vote for one of us!

Man in crowd: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third party candidate.

Kang: Go ahead—throw your vote away!

[Kang and Kodos laugh maniacally]

Marge: I don't understand why we have to build a ray gun to aim at a planet I never even heard of.

Homer: Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos.