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Treehouse of Horror VII/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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154
"Treehouse of Horror VII"
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- Lisa: What's up there?
- Bart: Yeah, is it a monster?
- Lisa: We have to know!
- Bart: What's the secret?
- Homer: No more questions. I work my butt off to feed you four kids and all you do I -- what?
- Marge: Three! We have three kids, Homer!
- Marge: You went into the attic? I'm very disappointed and terrified.
- Dr. Hibbert: Yes, I remember Bart's birth well. You don't forget a thing like... Siamese twins.
- Lisa: I believe they prefer to be called "conjoined twins."
- Dr. Hibbert: And hillbillies prefer to be called "sons of the soil," but it ain't gonna happen.
- Dr. Hibbert: But what to do with poor Hugo? Too crazy for Boys Town, too much of a boy for Crazy Town, the child was an outcast. So we did the only humane thing.
- Homer: We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week.
- Marge: It saved our marriage!
- Homer: We'll search out every place a sick, twisted, solitary misfit might run to.
- Lisa: I'll start with RadioShack.
- Homer: Right. Bart, you stay home and tape the hockey game.
- Bart: You're crazy!
- Hugo: Am I? Well, perhaps we're all a little crazy. I know I am. I went mad after they tore us apart. But I'll be sane once I sew us back together.
- Dr. Hibbert: You know, isn't it interesting how the left, or sinister, twin is invariably the evil one? I had this theor... Wait a minute, Hugo's scar is on the wrong side! He couldn't have been the evil left twin! That means the evil twin is, and always has been... Bart.
- Bart: Oh, don't look so shocked.
- Lisa: Oh boy! Mold! That's science-fair paydirt!
- Lisa: Hey, these aren't waffles—these are just square pancakes!
- Marge: I'm sorry, honey. The waffle iron's in the shop.
- Lisa: [moping] That waffle iron's been in the shop forever.
- Bart: Your micro-jerks attacked me!
- Lisa: Well, you practically destroyed their whole world!
- Bart: You can't protect them every second. Sooner or later you'll let your guard down, and then—flush! It's toilet time for tiny town.
- Scientist: Unshrink you? Well that would require some sort of a... "rebigulator," which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle. But... Oh, but not at you o holiest of gods with the wrathfulness, and the vengeance, and the blood-rain, and the hey, hey, hey, it hurts me.
- Lisa: Principal Skinner, wait! I created the universe! Give me the gift certificate!
- Homer: Oh my God... space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! Eat them!
- Homer: I suppose you'll want to probe me. Well, might as well get it over with.
- [Homer drops his pants]
- Kang: Stop. We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us.
- Kodos: This is a mission of conquest. Take us to your leader.
- Homer: I guess you mean President Clinton. He usually hangs around Washington, D.C.
- Kang: President Clin-Ton. Excellent.
- Homer: Except... um, there's this election next week, so after that it might not be him anymore. It might be what's-his-name, uh, Mumbly-Joe... uh, I saw him on TV the other... Uh, Bob Dole.
- Kent Brockman: [on TV] Kent Brockman here with "Campaign '96: America Flips A Coin". At an appearance this morning, President Clinton made some rather cryptic remarks, which aides attributed to an overly tight necktie.
- Kodos: [as Bill Clinton; on TV] I am Clin-Ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. End communication.
- Marge: That's Slick Willie for you. Always with the smooth talk.
- Homer: Marge, Marge! There I was, I had just caught the largest fish you'd ever seen, when I was abducted by a flying saucer!
- Bart: Sure you were, rummy.
- Kent Brockman: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?
- Kang: [as Bob Dole] It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed. DOOMED!
- Kent Brockman: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from Senator Bob Dole.
- Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, seventy-three-year-old candidate Bob Dole!
- [the crowd cheers]
- Kang: [as Bob Dole] Abortions for all!
- [the crowd boos]
- Kang: [as Bob Dole] Very well. No abortions for anyone!
- [the crowd boos]
- Kang: [as Bob Dole] Hmm... Abortions for some... miniature American flags for others!
- [the crowd cheers]
- Kang: [as Bob Dole] Fooling these Earth-voters is easier than expected.
- Kodos: [as Bill Clinton] Yes. All they want to hear are bland pleasantries embellished by an occasional saxophone-solo or infant kiss.
- Aide: Uh, Mr. President, sir, people are becoming a bit... confused, by the way you and your opponent are, well, constantly holding hands.
- Kang: [as Bob Dole] We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.
- Kodos: [as Bill Clinton] My fellow Americans: as a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward... upward, not forward... and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!
- Homer: Hold on guys. I'll help ya!
- Bill Clinton: Oh, no, am I still here? I don't wanna serve out my term naked in a tube.
- Bob Dole: I am so mad at the secret service right now.
- Kang: [as Bob Dole] The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work again! Tomorrow, when you are sealed in the voting cubicle, vote for me, Senator Ka... ... Bob Dole!
- Kodos: It's true. We are aliens. But what are you going to do about it? It's a two-party system. You have to vote for one of us!
- Man in crowd: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third party candidate.
- Kang: Go ahead—throw your vote away!
- [Kang and Kodos laugh maniacally]
- Marge: I don't understand why we have to build a ray gun to aim at a planet I never even heard of.
- Homer: Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos.
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