Burns' Heir/Quotes
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- Nelson: Give me your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!
- Mr. Burns: Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.
- [Martin walks onstage performing in a conductor's uniform.]
- Martin: [singing] Clang, clang, clang went the trolley. Ring, ring, ring went the bell. Zing, zing, sing went my heartstrings... [Nelson punches Martin in the stomach]
- Mr. Burns: Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.
- [A deprogrammer has just finished forcing Bart into forgetting Mr. Burns and coming back to the Simpson family]
- Deprogrammer: Well, it was a gruelling two weeks, but you have your son back."
- [Hans Moleman walks out]
- Hans Moleman: Mom, Dad, I missed you.
- [Sighing with relief Homer kisses Hans Moleman on the head.]
- Marge: Homer, that's Hans Moleman.
- Homer: Can I keep him anyway, huh, huh?
- [Mr. Burns attempts to prove the Simpson family does not love him, and shows him a scripted version of a false Simpsons residence.]
- Homer Actor: [voice unlike Homer's] I do not miss Bart at all.
- Marge Actress: I am glad he's gone.
- Lisa Actor: As am I. [Homer drops his sandwich]
- Homer Actor: "B'oh!"
- Bart: It's probably my imagination but, something about them doesn't seem quite right.
- Mr. Burns: Really? Excuse me for just a moment.
- [Mr. Burns walks into a film set where the Simpsons actors takes place.]
- Mr. Burns: People, that was all wrong! Homer Simpson doesn't say "B'oh!", he says... [goes through script] "D'oh!" [Homer and Marge take their masks off]
- Homer Actor: Sorry, M.B., but I'm having trouble with this character. Is he supposed to have some kind of a neurological impairment, like Rain Man or Awakenings? I mean, what the hell am I doing here?!
- Marge Actress: And this dialogue has none of the wit and sparkle of Murphy Brown. [the Lisa actor takes off his mask]
- Lisa Actor: Hey, you know we're getting into golden time.
- Mr. Burns: Yes. Well, just get it right, or you'll all be back doing Come Blow Your Horn at the Westport Dinner Theatre.
- [Bart and Lisa are dejected after failing at their auditions to become Mr. Burns' heir]
- Marge: [to Homer] "I think Bart and Lisa are feeling a little upset right now. Isn't there something you'd like to say?"
- Homer: "There sure is. Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, "Never Try."
- Lionel Hutz: As for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state, often as a lawyer.
