Bart Carny/Quotes
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- [Marge is trying to push Santa's Little Helper into the backyard]
- Marge: Come on! You have to go outside to do your... business.
- Homer: The experts say that if you want an animal to do something, you should do it yourself first, to show 'em how.
- Marge: I'm not going to the bathroom in the backyard.
- Homer: Pfft. Sor-ry, Your Majesty.
- [Bart and Lisa are dressed in overalls, gloves and straw hats]
- Bart: But I can't go out dressed like this! What if someone sees me?
- Marge: You're just going into our backyard. No one will see you.
- [Bart opens the door and looks out]
- Nelson: [off camera] Haw...
- [Bart slams the door. Marge points at the door and Bart opens it again]
- Nelson: [off camera] Haw!
- [Bart looks at the chores list]
- Bart: Man, look at all this stuff... pull weeds, mow lawn, scoop and bag dog business. There's gotta be a way out of this. Lisa! Chop off my hands!
- Lisa: No! Then who'd chop off my hands?
- Bart: All right, you chop my hands halfway off, and then, I'll still have enough strength to chop-
- Marge: Get to work!
- [Marge finds Bart and Lisa in the living room instead of doing their chores]
- Marge: What are you doing inside?
- Bart: Work was hard, so we quit.
- Marge: What?
- Lisa: [slowly] Hard work made us quit.
- Marge: I see! Well then, no chores, no allowance.
- Lisa: Okay, we get our room and board free anyway.
- Bart: And Santy Claus provides the rest.
- Cooder: Son, if you do not finish your caramel apple you will not get a snow cone.
- [Homer and Bart appear]
- Cooder: [confrontational] Get out of here! I didn't scam nobody.
- Homer: No, we are here to learn the business.
- Bart: Starting today we are carnies.
- Cooder: [pleasant] In that case let me show you how I scammed you.
- Chief Wiggum: Hate to interrupt your fun, but word is about that your game is crooked.
- Homer: And how!
- Chief Wiggum: Well, perhaps we can come to an "understanding". [holds out his hand]
- Homer: I understand.
- Bart: Uh, Dad? I think he wants--
- Homer: Not now, son. Daddy's talking to the policeman.
- Chief Wiggum: Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend, Bill. [looks at cash box] Have you seen any "Bills" around here?
- Homer: No. He's Bart.
- Chief Wiggum: Okay, let's try this again and watch as I wink each time. The man I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe. Wink, wink.
- Homer: [pause] It's a ring toss game.
- Chief Wiggum: All right. That's it, I'm shutting this place down.
- [Cooder and Spud return to see that their game stall is gone]
- Cooder: Our game, our home... What happened here?
- Bart: Cops took it.
- Cooder: Why didn't you bribe 'em?
- Homer: I tried, but the opportunity never came up.
