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Treehouse of Horror XXXIV/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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"Treehouse of Horror XXXIV"
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- Mayor Quimby: Art lovers of Springfield, good news. The art museum is closed forever! Instead, our entire collection will be digitized and sold for a fortune on the blockchain as non-fungible tokens, or NFTs. Whatever the hell those are.
- Homer: Honey? Remember how we're always saying we wish Bart was less fungible?
- Marge: Did something happen to Bart?
- Homer: Only the parts you can hug. The rest is alive, right here on my phone.
- Marge: [gasps] My baby is an app!
- Homer: Uh, no, apps actually do stuff.
- Homer: Kylie Jenner, Rob Gronkowski, and Jimmy Fallon. I thought you were just celebrity shills.
- Kylie Jenner: Ugh, we would never promote a technology if we didn't understand the distributed ledger underpinning it.
- Chief Wiggum: No one is putting another child into that scanner... before mine.
- Sideshow Bob: Wait. Did you only ask me to sing to forestall your gruesome end?
- Bart: Guilty as charged. [laughs]
- Lisa: It was only by following my hunch that we found the East Side Strangler on the west side of town.
- Nelson Muntz: Ah, look at us. We thought we were gonna stay young forever.
- Lisa: Some of us did.
- Nelson: Oh, right, like Bart, because he got murdered.
- Lisa: Maybe Rod Flanders did grow up to become a shockingly foul-mouthed prop comedian, but he didn't deserve this.
- Lisa: Our killer took his time. Had fun with it. Enjoyed a game of Solitaire. Red King on a Red Queen? This psycho doesn't play by the rules.
- Nelson: Damn, she's good.
- Lisa: Here, he had one of those moments where you walk into a room and forget what you came in for.
- Nelson: How did my guys miss that?
- Nelson: The severed hand opens the fridge, which tugs on that strip of sinew, turning over the eyeball cup, which rolls down the spine, startles a cat, which leaps onto the butter dish seesaw, and sends the other eyeball flying, turning on the coffee maker.
- Lisa: Even I can't get inside a mind this deranged.
- Sideshow Bob: Really, Professor Simpson, am I meant to spoon-feed you all the answers? Speak in riddles or drop a clue in a clever anagram hidden in something I've just said right now.
- Lisa: This is a waste of time.
- Sideshow Bob: Perhaps a limerick will help. There once was a shiny machete, that turned poor Bart's head to spaghetti.
- Lisa: You're gonna die in that cell, Bob. And when that happens, wherever I am, I'll be dancing.
- Lisa: Hello, Bob.
- Sideshow Bob: H-How did you get in here?
- Lisa: Well, I knew if I killed enough people in the most gruesome possible ways, they'd send me to your prison. But to get into your cell? I had a little help.
- Sideshow Bob: Lisa the killer. I never thought you had it in you.
- Lisa: The Lisa you knew didn't. But I'm another story.
- Sideshow Bob: Split personalities? Trope alert! Call the First Thought Police.
- Homer: Pfft. The nanny state wins again. No tanning in the reactor core, no texting while driving and eating ribs. Can't even trim your hedges with a machine gun. When did everyone get so scared? The world would be fine if people just used common sense. Like me.
- Homer: [in his sleep] Stupid radioactive garbage donut mutating my DNA while I sleep.
- Reverend Lovejoy: So, you see, there's nothing in the Bible that says a pastor and his wife can't take separate vacations.
- Ned-Homer: I've been neighborino'd into Home-diddly-omer. And why am I in church when football is on?
- Professor Frink: Uh, children, your father's less than stellar genetic code is spreading through burp-borne transmission. If we're going to cure this virus, we need his DNA. You three are the only ones impervious to the virus. You have got to find him.
- Lisa: Have you seen our dad?
- Moe Szyslak: No, just these hundreds of silly versions of him, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I mean, I'm printing money over here.
- Professor Frink: Now, if you'll just board the Frink-ama-copter--
- Helicopter pilot: We're not calling it that.
- Professor Frink: [grumbles] And then we'll pop your DNA in to the Frink-tabulizer--
- Scientist: We're not calling it that.
- Homer: Wait. Hold on. Why would I want that? Finally, everyone thinks the way I do. Nobody's making up stupid rules about bicycle helmets or where you can smoke cigars. You want to drive without a seatbelt? FaceTime while jaywalking? Enjoy a sugary soda? Go ahead! You're not hurting anyone! It's a utopia. No, a me-topia!
- Professor Frink: Please. Please! If we don't have some competent people left to run things, society will collapse! Coders to run the Internet that feeds you the latest misinformation. Pilots to fly the planes you need to be restrained on.
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