Difference between revisions of "Trash of the Titans/Quotes"

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Homer{talking to himself}: Lousy, rotten stinking...hate world! Eww...garbage water!

Garbage truck drives by Simpson residence. Homer chases after it.

Homer: Truck, stop! I have garbage! Hey, thanks for nothing you trash-eating stinkbags!

Truck reverses itself towards Homer.

Garbageman #1: What did you say?

Homer{nervous}: Uh, gee, I do not know...there are so many people...who knows who said what?

Garbageman #2: You called us trash-eating stinkbags.

Garbageman #1: Did you not learn anything from Love Day?

Homer: That was yesterday, morons.

Simpson residence. Homer enters kitchen with his pyjamas stuffed with garbage and wearing an orange rind for a hat.

Homer: Good news everyone! I got in a fight with the garbagemen and as a result they are cutting us off from city sanitation services!

Marge: Oh no! That means the garbage will pile up and we will live in a dump!

Homer: I would rather live in a dump than in a world full of snooty garbagemen!

Lisa: Dad, is this one of those situations which could be solved with a simple apology?

Homer: Homer J. Simpson never apologizes! I am sorry, but that is just the way I am.

Marge: Homer, that crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again.

Homer: That's not how she tells it.

Ned tiptoes through the garbage on the Simpsons' front lawn toward the door.

Ned Flanders{talking to himself}: Easy, Ned. Don't breathe in.

Garbage falls on Ned.

Ned Flanders: Homer!

Homer is on second floor.

Homer: Sorry, Ned! I didn't see you down there! (to Bart, hiding under window) Got him.

Ned Flanders: I hate to be a Fussy Freddy and all, but Maude's folks are here and they're a tad touchy about odors.

Homer: Well, then you better close your windows before the sun hits Diaper Hill.

Homer points to a pile of used diapers. Rod climbs on top.

Rod Flanders: Look, Daddy, I'm king of the mountain!

Ned Flanders: Rod! Get off of there!

Homer: Good morning, trash pile. Trash pile?

Homer looks onto front lawn to see the trash has been removed.

Homer: Woo hoo! I won!

Kitchen.

Homer: This is a red letter day for everyone, but especially me. Your father, me, beat city hall! This is just like David and Goliath, only this time David won!

Lisa's Brain: I know. He is at it again. Just nod until he tires out. Here is something to help you get through it.

Lisa imagines a piano nocturne playing.

Homer: And to think Marge, you wanted me to crawl! Well, this man does not crawl, he stands tall! That rhymes Marge, and you know it.

Marge lets out her signature annoyed grunt.

Marge: Oh Homer, you did not beat city hall! I sent a letter of apology to the Sanitation Commissioner and signed your name.

Homer: You what?!?!

Marge: You have signed my name to dozens of documents.

Homer: I know, but this is not a loan application or a will. You signed away my dignity!

Bono: What the!..Bloody Hell!

Paul McGuiness (U2 Manager): Who are you? This is off limits.

Homer (with Irish Accent): Potato Man.

Paul McGuiness: Where the bloody hell have you been? Get in there!

(The image of the band on the video wall is replaced by Homer's face)

Homer: Hello, Springfield! It's me, Homer!

Bono: What the... bloody hell?

Homer: (to Bono) Quiet, you! (to crowd) I know you want to see these rocking rockers, but I know you're also concerned about the race for sanitation commissioner. So let me give you the 911!

(Homer walks out on stage, the audience immediately boos)

Bono: Hold on people, he is talking about waste management! That affects the whole damn planet!

(The rest of the band have a conversation in the background)

Larry: Oh, here we go! Want to duck out to Moe's for a pint?

The Edge: Can I come?

Larry: Hmmm... no.

The Edge: Wankers.

Bono (into mic): Now, Homer... Ray Patterson is a fine public servant. Why should the people of Springfield --

(Crowd cheers yelling "Yeah Springfield!")

Bono: (sighs and lowers mic) Why should they vote for you?

Homer: That's a very good question, Bono. (addresses crowd) Cause I'd be the most whack, tricked-out sanitation commissioner ever! Can you dig it?!

(Crowd is silent, Homer nervously tugs his collar and begins to dance)

Bono: (into mic, unimpressed) Wow, look at him go. You're the real lord of the dance, Homer.

(Bono motions for the guards to take Homer away, guard grab Homer and haul him off stage)

Homer: (grabbing side of stage set) No, no! Bono, help me! (lets go)

Bono: Don't worry, folks. He'll get the help he needs.

(U2 begins playing as the video wall shows Homer being held by one guard and beaten by two other guards)

Homer wins the election. He gets the news looking at a newspaper dispenser

Newspaper headline: SIMPSON WINS IN LANDSLIDE. Says "crazy promises" key to victory.

Homer: Woo hoo!

Lisa: Dad, are you not going to buy it?

Homer: 50¢? Not likely.

An angry Mayor Quimby comes into Homer's office

Mayor Quimby: Simpson, you idiot! You spent the year's budget in a month! Your department is broke!

Homer: Wait! I do believe I have the perfect plan!

Quimby: You had better, because those garbagemen will not work for free!

Homer: DOH!

Homer: Oh ho! Ray Patterson was right, Marge. I am crashing and burning. Crashing and burning!

Marge reviews expense reports.

Marge: How on Earth could you have spent $4.6 million in one month?

Homer: They let me sign checks with a stamp, Marge. A stamp!

Lisa: You know, Dad, there is a lesson to be learned in all of this. Lots of big cities have garbage problems and...

Homer: Woo hoo! That is it!

Without warning, Homer runs out of Simpson residence.

Marge: I hate it when he does that.

Sanitation Commissioner's office. Homer is carrying a briefcase and is greeted by several angry garbagemen.

Garbageman #1: Where are our paychecks, you bum?

Head Garbageman: My men ain't working one more minute until we get paid!

Homer unhinges briefcase to show it is full of money.

Homer: Would cash do?

Head Garbageman: Would it ever!

Mayor Qumiby bursts into Homer's office.

Mayor Quimby: Did, uh, I just hear a briefcase opening?

Homer: I bet you are all wondering where I got the money?

Bart: Selling drugs?

Lisa: Drugs?

Marge: I am going to have to go with drugs, too.

Homer: Close, but you are way off.