Difference between revisions of "Cape Feare/Quotes"
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| − | + | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Homer's Barbershop Quartet|Homer Goes to College}} | |
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| − | + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} Oh my god, someone's trying to kill me! Oh wait, it's for Bart. | |
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's {{Ch|Dennis the Menace}}. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[the family discusses who would want to kill Bart]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Abraham Simpson]]}} I say we call [[Ben Matlock|Matlock]]. He'll find the culprit. It's probably that evil Gavin McLeod, or George "Goober" Lindsey. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Grampa, Matlock's not real. | ||
| + | {{qf|Grampa}} Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob... if someone cuts it off and smooshes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} ''[to Bart]'' I checked around. The girls are calling you "Fatty Fat Fat Fat", and [[Nelson]]'s planning to pull down your pants, but... nobody's trying to kill ya. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Chief Wiggum]]}} I'd like to help you, ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} I'm pretty sure there is. | ||
| + | {{qf|Wiggum}} Ha! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle... | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Lou]]}} ''[with a law book]'' Uh, hey, she's right, Chief. | ||
| + | {{qf|Wiggum}} Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for gambling purposes. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} Bart, I figured it out. Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years? | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} {{W|Linda Lavin}}? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} No, someone who didn't deserve it. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} [[Sideshow Bob]] has no decency. He called me "Chief Piggum". | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Blue-haired lawyer]]}} Robert, if released, would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson? | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Sideshow Bob]]}} Bart Simpson? Ha! The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hell hole? | ||
| + | {{qf|Parole officer}} Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hell hole" when you could have said "peepee-soaked heck hole". | ||
| + | {{qf|Bob}} Cheerfully withdrawn. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Blue-haired lawyer}} But isn't it true that you have the words 'Die, Bart, Die' tattooed across your chest? | ||
| + | {{qf|Sideshow Bob}} Heavens No! That's German for 'the Bart, the'. | ||
| + | {{qf|Official}} No one who speaks German could be an evil man. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} You awful man! Stay away from my son! | ||
| + | {{qf|Sideshow Bob}} ''[menacing]'' Oh, I'll stay away from your son all right. Stay away... forever! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[scared]'' Oh no! | ||
| + | {{qf|Bob}} Wait a minute, that's no good. | ||
| + | :''[Bob grumbles to himself and starts to walk away, but then comes back]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Bob}} Wait! I've got a good one now! Marge, say "stay away from my son" again! | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} No! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Witness relocation man 1]]}} Tell you what, sir, from now on you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson at [[Terror Lake]]. Let's just practice a bit, hm? | ||
| + | :''[Homer nods]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Witness relocation man 1}} When I say "Hello, Mr. Thompson", you'll say "Hi". | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Check. | ||
| + | {{qf|Witness relocation man 1}} Hello, Mr. Thompson. | ||
| + | :''[Homer stares blankly and says nothing]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Witness relocation man 1}} Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I gotcha. | ||
| + | {{qf|Witness relocation man 1}} Hello, Mr. Thompson. | ||
| + | :''[Homer stares blankly again and says nothing. Time passes and everyone looks tired, as if they've been at this for quite a while]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Witness relocation man 1}} ''[groans]'' Now, when I say "Hello, Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} No problem. | ||
| + | {{qf|Witness relocation man 1}} ''[stepping repeatedly on Homer's foot]'' Hello, Mr. Thompson. | ||
| + | :''[Homer stares blankly at him then turns to [[Witness relocation man 2|the other agent]]]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[whispering loudly]'' I think he's talking to you. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Sideshow Bob}} Hello Bart! | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Mom, Dad! | ||
| + | {{qf|Sideshow Bob}} Your family can't help you now. | ||
| + | :''[The rest of the family, including Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II, are tied up]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} ''[seeing Homer asleep with some drool]'' Oh no! Dad's been drugged! | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} ''[annoyed]'' No, he hasn't! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Chief Wiggum}} Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest! | ||
| + | {{qf|Sideshow Bob}} By Lucifer's beard! | ||
| + | {{qf|Wiggum}} Uh, yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} I knew I had to buy some time, so I asked him to sing the score from the "H.M.S. Pinafore". | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Ooh. A plan fiendishly clever in its in-tric-acies. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Take him away, boys. | ||
| + | {{qf|Wiggum}} Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lou}} What'd you say, chief? | ||
| + | {{qf|Wiggum}} Do what the kid says. | ||
| − | + | {{Season 5|Q}} | |
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| − | {{Season 5 Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 01:13, November 25, 2018
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- Homer: Oh my god, someone's trying to kill me! Oh wait, it's for Bart.
- Bart: Who'd want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace.
- [the family discusses who would want to kill Bart]
- Abraham Simpson: I say we call Matlock. He'll find the culprit. It's probably that evil Gavin McLeod, or George "Goober" Lindsey.
- Bart: Grampa, Matlock's not real.
- Grampa: Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob... if someone cuts it off and smooshes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!
- Milhouse: [to Bart] I checked around. The girls are calling you "Fatty Fat Fat Fat", and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants, but... nobody's trying to kill ya.
- Chief Wiggum: I'd like to help you, ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters.
- Marge: I'm pretty sure there is.
- Wiggum: Ha! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle...
- Lou: [with a law book] Uh, hey, she's right, Chief.
- Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for gambling purposes.
- Lisa: Bart, I figured it out. Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years?
- Bart: Linda Lavin?
- Lisa: No, someone who didn't deserve it.
- Chief Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me "Chief Piggum".
- Blue-haired lawyer: Robert, if released, would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson?
- Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson? Ha! The spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hell hole?
- Parole officer: Uh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hell hole" when you could have said "peepee-soaked heck hole".
- Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.
- Blue-haired lawyer: But isn't it true that you have the words 'Die, Bart, Die' tattooed across your chest?
- Sideshow Bob: Heavens No! That's German for 'the Bart, the'.
- Official: No one who speaks German could be an evil man.
- Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son!
- Sideshow Bob: [menacing] Oh, I'll stay away from your son all right. Stay away... forever!
- Homer: [scared] Oh no!
- Bob: Wait a minute, that's no good.
- [Bob grumbles to himself and starts to walk away, but then comes back]
- Bob: Wait! I've got a good one now! Marge, say "stay away from my son" again!
- Marge: No!
- Witness relocation man 1: Tell you what, sir, from now on you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hm?
- [Homer nods]
- Witness relocation man 1: When I say "Hello, Mr. Thompson", you'll say "Hi".
- Homer: Check.
- Witness relocation man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
- [Homer stares blankly and says nothing]
- Witness relocation man 1: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
- Homer: I gotcha.
- Witness relocation man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
- [Homer stares blankly again and says nothing. Time passes and everyone looks tired, as if they've been at this for quite a while]
- Witness relocation man 1: [groans] Now, when I say "Hello, Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
- Homer: No problem.
- Witness relocation man 1: [stepping repeatedly on Homer's foot] Hello, Mr. Thompson.
- [Homer stares blankly at him then turns to the other agent]
- Homer: [whispering loudly] I think he's talking to you.
- Sideshow Bob: Hello Bart!
- Bart: Mom, Dad!
- Sideshow Bob: Your family can't help you now.
- [The rest of the family, including Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II, are tied up]
- Lisa: [seeing Homer asleep with some drool] Oh no! Dad's been drugged!
- Marge: [annoyed] No, he hasn't!
- Chief Wiggum: Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob. You're under arrest!
- Sideshow Bob: By Lucifer's beard!
- Wiggum: Uh, yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel.
- Bart: I knew I had to buy some time, so I asked him to sing the score from the "H.M.S. Pinafore".
- Homer: Ooh. A plan fiendishly clever in its in-tric-acies.
- Bart: Take him away, boys.
- Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
- Lou: What'd you say, chief?
- Wiggum: Do what the kid says.
