Difference between revisions of "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)/Quotes"

Revision as of 10:38, February 18, 2021

Smithers: Sir, bad news from accounting, the economy's hit us pretty hard.

Mr. Burns: Tough times eh? I've lived through twelve recessions, eight panics and five years of McKinleynomics. I'll survive this.

Smithers: Even so, sir, we could stand to lay off a few employees.

Mr. Burns: [enthusiastically] Oh, very well! [points at some monitors] Lay off him, him, him, him...

[Mr. Burns sees Homer staring into space, but wearing glasses.]

Mr. Burns: Hmm, better keep the egghead. He just might come in handy.

Robert Goulet: [coming out of the airplane and sees Bart with his name on a sign] Hi. You from the casino?

Bart: I am from a casino.

Robert Goulet: Good enough. Let's go.

[Bart takes Robert Goulet to his treehouse.]

Robert Goulet: Are you sure this is the casino? I think I should call my manager.

Nelson: [brandishing his fist at Goulet] Your manager says for you to shut up!

Robert Goulet: Vera said that?

Robert Goulet: Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg
Batmobile lost its wheel and Joker got away, hey

Thank you! Thank you very much. (a punch is heard)

Milhouse: Ohhw!

Robert Goulet: Oh, I'm sorry, kid.

Principal Skinner: And special awards go to the two students who obviously had no help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.

[Lisa is wearing Homer's crudely made Florida costume, while Ralph taped a piece of paper to himself with "IDAHO" written on it]

Ralph: I'm Idaho!

Principal Skinner: Yes, of course you are.

Deleted scene

Blofeld: 20. Your move, Mr. Bond.

James Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer.

[Homer deals Bond a card.]

James Bond: Joker? You were supposed to those out of the deck.

Homer: Oh, sorry – here's another one.

James Bond: What's this card? "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"?

Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond.

Oddjob and Jaws grab Bond and drag him out.]

Bond: What? But it's Homer's fault! I didn't lose. I never lose! Well, at least tell me the details of your plot for world domination.

Blofeld: Ho ho ho, I'm not going to fall for that one again.

Lisa: Mom!

Homer: Huh – wha –? Lisa! What's up?

Lisa: I just had a bad dream!

Homer: Oh, sure. You just lie down and tell me all about it.

Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the bogeyman was after me, and he's hiding under—

Homer: AAAGGHH!! BOGEYMAN!? You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!

[Homer runs into Bart's room.]

Homer: Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a bogeyman or bogeymen in the house!

Bart: WAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!

[Homer finds Henry Kissinger's glasses in the men's room toilet, puts them on, and puts his finger on his temple like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.]

Homer: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.

Man in stall: That's a right triangle, ya idiot!

Homer: D'oh!

Homer: [running into the casino] Argh!! YURGERDARADAGIDFERDERARA!

Marge: Homer, what is it? Slow down!

Homer: JER GETTA FERTER RADA ARA!

Marge: Think before you say each word.

Homer: You broke a promise to your child.

Marge: What?

Homer: You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed. She's such a little trooper.