The Simpsons: Tapped Out A Simpsons Christmas Special content update/Premium Gameplay

Show Me the Dough

Show Me the Dough Pt. 1

After the user logs in on December 5th and completing Christmas is Cancelled Pt. 1 or after the user logs in on December 12th and completing Christmas is Cancelled Pt. 3: Boy howdy! I bet you're excited to lay eyes on a celebrity of my caliber, Mr. Donut Lover. Who? What? Are you going to tell me a sob story then ask for a lot of money to take a bus? No, I'm Laird Ladd, namesake and facesake, and when I was in better shape, bodysake of Lard Lad Donuts. I heard that place is changing its name to just Lard Lad, getting rid of the "Donuts". They're going to make it more of a coffee place. Getting rid of donuts?! The only reason we sold coffee is to give you something to dunk your donuts in. And to give you energy to eat the donuts. And to give you energy to start your day. We need to get that corporation back into the donut game, and the only way to do that is by buying donuts! I already buy a dozen each morning. And each evening. But maybe I could buy more if they were cheaper... or I had some coffee. No coffee! But I'll see what I can do about making them cheaper. System Message For a limited time, get Donuts at a discount from the store!

Show Me the Dough Pt. 2

After the user logs in on December 19th and completing Christmas is Cancelled Pt. 5 or after the user logs in on December 26th and completing Christmas is Cancelled Pt. 7: Hello again, friends! I'm back with more donuts! Who are you? Oh, don't bother with the story. Here's sixty dollars for the bus. No, it's me Laird Ladd of Lard Lad Donuts fame! And you'll be happy to know I convinced them to keep the word "Donuts" in the name! How about eighty dollars? Is that enough for you to leave me alone. What? No, I don't need your money. I just came to tell you the good news. And to celebrate, they're once again reducing the price of donuts! Reduced price donuts?! Woo hoo! Can I borrow a hundred bucks? It's... uh... for bus fare. System Message Another donut sale is happening in the store. Get them now, because this Laird Ladd story has run out steam!

Knit Fits

Knit Fits Pt. 1

After tapping on Kathy from Personnel's exclamation mark: Hello, I'm here for the Introductory knitting class? Please come in. I'll be your instructor.My name is--- Kathy from Personnel! Waylon Smithers. This here yarn store isn't big enough for the two of us. You don't scare me, yarnslinger. I came here for one reason -- to make ugly scarves no one wants as slowly as possible. And I reckon to. You'll be begging for mercy before the first purl stitch. We'll just see about that. Icy silence, then? Icy silence it is. Task: Make Kathy Politely Ignore Smithers (4h, Yarn Barn) If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Glare at Kathy (4h, Yarn Barn) Hey, hey! Let's knit, ladies! Krusty the Clown?! You're a needle jockey? Nah. I heard the hipsters were into knitting, so I figured: there's my next desperate attempt to stay relevant. Hey, what's with the weird tension in the room? Those two hate each other. It happens whenever a brash young thread-man saunters into town. There's bound to be a knit-down. You just can't avoid crazy in this town, can you? Quest reward: 100 and 10

Knit Fits Pt. 2

After tapping on Kathy from Personnel's exclamation mark: And knit, and purl, and knit, and purl. Very good, Krusty! What are you seeing that I'm not, lady? I just sewed my arm to a tea cozy. Now, now. You're making progress. Which is more than I can say for poor Waylon. I'm... not... giving up!Knit!Purl!Aaaugh! Is that a warp, or a weft? I honestly can't tell! Those are parallel wales and courses, and you know it, you old bag! My, my, Krusty. It appears Mr. Smithers is losing his patience, doesn't it? Any time you want to turn tail, Waylon, there's the door. I am INSANELY attracted to you right now. That says something awful about my mental health, doesn't it? Task: Make Kathy Demonstrate Knitting Technique (4h, Yarn Barn) If the user has Krusty: Task: Make Krusty Tie His Yarn in Knots (4h, Yarn Barn) Very good, students. With the exception of Mr. Smithers, I see a room full of budding mittenists and sweateristos. Really, old timer? Because I just smocked a slip-stitch and half-clustered an entire row of Fair-Isle. *biggest gasp ever* That's... that's impossible! I've never seen such raw talent! I don't understand a word, yet I can't tear my eyes off you glorious freaks! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Knit Fits Pt. 3

After tapping on Kathy from Personnel's exclamation mark: Mr. Smithers! This lesson is for beginners only. I know a seasoned garter-stitcher when I see one. Sorry to disappoint you, but I've never clacked needles before today. It looks like human resources isn't the only field in which you're second-rate. Oh, the enmity! It's manna from heaven for my damaged soul! Hey crazies -- stop turning me on this instant! You're all so bats, I don't know who to fall in love with first! I'm going to step outside for a tea break. When I come back, Waylon, we will settle this the old-fashioned way. Cable knit sweaters at twenty paces. Task: Make Kathy Take a Tea Break (8h) I challenge you to a duel, Mr. Smithers! Challenge accepted. Choose... your... pattern. Cable-knit crew necks. Size: extra-large. Extra-large?! That's too much! They can't possibly survive! Very well. What color? Gray. No! There's not enough contrast! They'll die for sure! Heavens! *faints* Quest reward: 100 and 10

Knit Fits Pt. 4

After tapping on Kathy from Personnel's exclamation mark: Having trouble attaching your sleeves, Waylon? Looks like you cast off a little early? Or did you drop a half-slip on your basketweave cast on? Are you blind? I'm pulling left into a quarter-cluster on a mock-smocking stockinette Bainsley tiedown re-cross. But... that's impossible! Anyone have the slightest clue who's winning? They're knitting at a level I've only seen in the movies! I will not lose to this man! Eat my Farnsworth Reverse Studsley purl hitch-pull weekender moss-loop! SHE IS A GOLDEN GOD!!!! Task: Make Kathy Pitch a Knit Fit (24h) I... I don't believe it. Two perfect sweaters, in under five minutes. I think they're dead. They gave their lives for clothing no one will ever wear. Because they're homemade. And who wants that? Wait... I'm getting a pulse. Somehow, they're both alive! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Knit Fits Pt. 5

After tapping on Kathy from Personnel's exclamation mark: We could have died, Waylon. Is our rivalry really worth that? Logically, no. But a body needs a workplace enemy. For better or for worse, you're mine. My god, you're right. If I didn't have you to loathe, I wouldn't be so close with all my other coworkers. I suppose I should thank you. And I you. *stares meaningfully into his eyes* *returns her gaze with manly directness* Task: Make Kathy Passionately Embrace Smithers (8h, Yarn Barn) If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Be Swept Away in the Moment (8h, Yarn Barn) What the hell just happened? I... don't know. I have to tell you, I'm gay. Me too. And proud of it. I guess when two people really, truly despise one another, the attraction is irresistible. That makes zero sense. Dumbest thing I ever heard. Go to hell, Smithers. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi

Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 1

After tapping on Circus Acrobat's exclamation mark: Jean-Pierre, the circus is dying. I need your very best at tonight's performance if we're to turn things around. But I have lost the will to tumble and cavort. Without zese, the acrobat is meaningless. Granted, sure, but wouldn't it be lovely to see this circus returned to its former glory? Glory is meaningless. A valid point. But I really, REALLY want to pack the audience full of Springfielders. So get out there and sell some tickets! I cannot do this. 'Twould be humiliating to one such as I. Ah but one could argue, perhaps, that your pride is meaningless? Your logic, she is airtight. And very French. I will sell for you. Task: Make Circus Acrobat Wheel and Deal Around Town (4h) Well done, Jean-Pierre! You've sold five tickets. I found ze humiliation very instructive. I am made greater by my suffering. Of course. Say, I know a local family that numbers five. You didn't sell those tickets to... the Simpsons, perchance? Why? Is zere something special about ze Simpsons? Oh, no no no no no. I have no special plans for the Simpsons. Or their spirited son... Bart. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 2

After tapping on Circus Acrobat's exclamation mark: Jean-Pierre! What's happened to your act?! You can't just sit in a chair and smoke clove cigarettes! I am not ze dancing bear, to perform for money. That's EXACTLY what you are! Just... just swing on the trapeze a little! The trapeze is in ill repair. I could plummet to my death. So?! I thought you said life was meaningless?! You are wonderful at turning my intellectual posing against me. Very well. I trapeze. Task: Make Circus Acrobat Fail at the Trapeze (4h, Cirque De Puree) How am I still alive? The rope, she break. And I fall. Only to discover ze net is made of zilly ztring and does nothing. An unfortunate trained seal broke your fall. At any rate, the crowd loved it! Word of your exploits is certain to reach the Simpsons, and they will bring Bart to me. You realize when you say the name "Bart Simpson", your eyes, zey, how you say, "bug out" a bit. Yes, well, never mind that. Perfectly sane of me. Let's focus on putting you in even more peril tomorrow night! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 3

After tapping on Circus Acrobat's exclamation mark: I am not qualified to tame ze lions! Nonsense, nothing to it. You and the lions will get along famously, provided you show not an ounce of fear. Zere-in lies the problem. Zhough I long for ze oblivion of death, I am, at the same time, a humongous coward. *gives a big push* In you go! Task: Make Circus Acrobat Run From Lions (8h, Cirque De Puree) It is true what zhey say about being mauled by lions: "ouch". It was lucky I had these band aids for you, or that might have been serious. Tell me something: why is it so important to you to lure Bart Simpson to ze circus? So that I can kill him, of course! You wish to kill a child? Bart is HARDLY a child. He's ten. Well within legal killing age. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 4

After tapping on Circus Acrobat's exclamation mark: What did zhis Bart Simpson ever do to you? Plenty. For starters, he never lets me kill him. VERY frustrating... Okaaaayyy.... But what did he do to deserve death in ze first place? Well, he... uh, that is... funny, I can't really remember... I'm sure it will come to me. Keep working on your act. Time is short, and our cause is a noble one! Task: Make Circus Acrobat Practice Death Defying Feats (12h) I have decided -- I will not use my circus skills to aid in Bart Simpson's murder. Perhaps you will agree to use them if I point this gun at you? Sir, if you are asking me to choose my life over zhat of an innocent child, the answer is an enthusiastic yes! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Big Top Je Ne Sais Quoi Pt. 5

After tapping on Circus Acrobat's exclamation mark: He's here! Bart Simpson is in the audience! At last, my fingers will close 'round his neck and choke the very life from-- Murder, she will not bring you ze happiness, friend. "Friend"? If you don't mind, I'd prefer to keep our relationship on a purely homicidal maniac/helpless pawn footing. I would have hoped for more, but under ze circumstances, I will take what I can get. I thank you. Truly. Have a great show. Have a great murder. Task: Make Circus Acrobat Perform at the Circus (24h, Cirque De Puree) Bart Simpson is gone! Just as I was to reach up from beneath his bleacher seat, the entire family left! Oui, monsieur. You forgot ze first rule of the circus: ze circus is dull, and anyone with half a brain walks out right quick. I think zhey had some alternate quests to complete, anyway. It is a busy month around here. When?! When will I have my revenge! As soon as TV audiences consider it a funny story for a grown man to kill a little boy, zhen you will have your revenge. Oh. So any day now! Quest reward: 200 and 20

Circus of Values

Circus of Values Pt. 1

After building Circus of Values: Just a minute, Lisa. I need to stop at the Kwik-E-Mart for milk. Mom, the Kwik-E-Mart is all the way across town. And there's a store right here. Huh. You'd think I'd know every store in Springfield by now, but I don't recognize this one. Yeah, well, buildings drop out of the sky pretty fast around here. In case you hadn't noticed. Come on, let's check it out. Task: Make Marge Hunt for Deals (4h, Circus of Values) On job start: Oh my goodness, did you see the price of this milk? Three cents less than at the Kwik-E-Mart! Uh, Mom? You do realize that convenience stores like the Kwik-E-Mart are the worst, most expensive place to shop for groceries. And the paper towels! So many different brands to choose from! I've been meaning to discuss this with you for a long time. Over the years, we've probably wasted thousands of dollars buying groceries from Apu. It's not like we're rich. But we almost never seem to go to an actual supermarket. What's the deal with that? Sponges are on sale, too. Hurry Lisa! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Circus of Values Pt. 2

After completing Circus of Values Pt. 1: Mom, I've never seen anyone so excited over mustard. I... I just never knew there were multiple kinds. Apu only carries the one brand. YOU'RE THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT? Oooh, look! They have buns made specially for hot dogs! You don't just have to squish up hamburger buns! Did you know that was a thing?! YES. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT. Task: Make Marge Go Shopping (4h, Circus of Values) Sorry about that, sweetie.Okay, I'm done shopping. Let's go. ...Wait, where are your bags? Oh, I didn't buy anything. I could never betray Apu by shopping somewhere else. What? Why not?! You can see that the prices are much better than at Kwik-E-Mart. Don't you want to save money? Honey, Apu is our friend. A friend who gouges you on a vastly inferior range of products. Adult friendships are complicated, okay? Quest reward: 200 and 20

The Screens

The Screens Pt. 1

After building The Screens: Everybody ready to leave for the movies? It's been ages since I've seen a good love story. Probably ages since you've lived one, too. *laughs* Did you get that, Marge? It was a dig at your husband. Homer. Hey! At least have the respect to hold your tongues until you're out of my house. Why? You wouldn't hear us then. You know, these jokes are actually getting old, ladies. Not as old as the ladies themselves! Task: Make Marge Try to Keep the Peace (4h, The Screens) I've had it with all the wisenheimery, you three. It ends now! *sniff* *tch* What the ugly crones said! Quest reward: 100 and 10

The Screens Pt. 2

After completing The Screens Pt. 1: If the people I love can't get along, what am I supposed to do? Have you ever considered replacing Homer with an obese bulldog? The kids would never know the difference. You could give it a really stupid name. Like "Homer". Homer is not a stupid name! It's the name of a boring old poet who wrote a story so good they turned it into a Brad Pitt movie! That does it! I'm not wasting a babysitter and my going-out-dress on this nonsense. I'm going to the movies alone! Task: Make Marge Take Herself On a Date (8h, The Screens) Have you all finally worked out your disagreements, or should I go back for a double feature? Hey, if you want to look at Homer's chin, you could just stay here. "Double feature". Good one. It is NOT a good one! It's a slight variation on the same joke you've been boring me with for years. Patty is a slight variation on the Selma that's been boring me for years. ... Admittedly, not my best effort. But that doesn't mean it's not true! Quest reward: 200 and 20

Young Marge Gil Promo

After tapping on Gil's Young Marge mark: Tis' the season of blessings and also regrets, and oh boy does Ol' Gil have regrets! So many regrets that The Ghost of Christmas Past visits me every year, but this time around he made me a special deal. He'll stop visiting me, and in exchange I can offer you special deals on blast from the past characters! And boy do I have the gal for you – Young Marge! Offer accepted: Thanks pal! It'll be a very merry Christmas for Ol' Gil. Offer declined: If I could afford it I'd give you a stocking full of coal! But if I had a stocking full of coal I'd be burning it for warmth.

Roller Girl Riot

Roller Girl Riot Pt. 1

After tapping on Young Marge's exclamation mark: I didn't know you liked roller skating, Artie. Roller skating is dancing on skates, and dance is a language I speak fluently. Like the language of love! Well, uh, sure. Just give me a second to remember how to do this... Take all the time you need. Meanwhile, I will make sure every girl in here is jealous of you. Because you are the lucky consort of Roller Ziff! Task: Make Young Marge Nervously Try to Roller Skate (4h, Roller Rink) If the user has Young Artie Ziff: Task: Make Young Artie Show Off Outrageously (4h, Roller Rink) On job start: Whoa, I think Artie Ziff is having a seizure. Maybe we should help him out. Never mind him. Who's the babe he's with? She glides like a wobbly angel. She's a dish, all right. Maybe I should say hello. Ooh, bad idea Barn. Remember how I explained that women don't like you, for myriad valid reasons? Oh, right. I forgot. Whereas I am certified, primo babe-nip. I wish it were different, but that's just the way of things. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Roller Girl Riot Pt. 2

After tapping on Young Marge's exclamation mark: I think I'll take a little break, Artie. My ankles are sore. You only get so many chances in life to skate with the Baryshnikov of the rink. Don't let one pass you by! I really need to sit. I won't let you miss out on me! *grabs Marge's hand* I said no! Quit bossing me around! I don't need a man telling me what to do, I'm an independent woman! Task: Make Young Marge Assert Her Independence (8h) My dear, by asserting your independence, you only prove how desperately you require the guiding hand of a strong male. *pushes Artie away * Why don't you go take a lap to cool off! *shrieks while sailing away* You're making a grievous error! That girl's got real backbone. She's amazing! Stand back, Barn, and watch me win her heart! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Roller Girl Riot Pt. 3

After completing Roller Girl Riot Pt. 2: Okay, Barn. The way I'm gonna win her heart is, you go up to her and tell her all about how great I am. Whoa. You are one smooooooth operator, Homer. I truly have all the right moves, don't I? I can't believe that Artie Ziff, who does he think he is?! Excuse me pretty lady, but can I tell you about a special young man in my life? His name is-- I've had it up to here with special young men, thank you! Task: Make Young Marge Ignore Young Barney (4h, Roller Rink) If the user has Young Barney: Task: Make Young Barney Have Flashbacks to All His Rejections (4h, Roller Rink) By the time I get through with Artie Ziff, he'll know the true meaning of an independent woman! Barney, what happened? Did she sound interested when you talked me up? I couldn't get a word in edgewise! I'm sorry, Homer. I'm just not the ladies' man you are. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Roller Girl Riot Pt. 4

After completing Roller Girl Riot Pt. 3: Margery, if you're prepared to offer me an apology, then I most graciously accept. Lucky you! Me apologize? You have no respect for women! You know perfectly well that I call myself a feminist. And if a smart guy like me considers Artie Ziff a feminist, he must be one! Clearly, society would crumble into the sea if women were allowed to operate free of men's oversight. If you honestly think you're a feminist, you've got another thing coming. "Think". The expression is, "You've got another think coming." Women. Task: Make Young Marge Debate About Feminism (8h, Roller Rink) If the user has Young Artie Ziff: Task: Make Young Artie Mansplain Feminism (8h, Roller Rink) I guess we're just two ardent feminists who don't quite see eye-to-eye. Now take my hand and we'll skate a lap of sisterhood. Not until you admit that I just debated you into the ground. I have never lost a debate, and CERTAINLY never to a girl. That's WOMAN to you! *pushes Artie as hard as she can around the rink* Quest reward: 100 and 10

Roller Girl Riot Pt. 5

After tapping on Young Marge's exclamation mark: I'm not going to let that...that little boy ruin my night! I'm a proud, independent woman, and the last thing I need is a man to show me how to skate! Task: Make Young Marge Skate Her Heart Out (12h) She's just so beautiful, isn't she? With that hair, and those legs, and that furious scowl... Coming through! *knocks Homer down* Whoa! Homer, are you all right? Barney, I was just clotheslined by an angel. I've never been better! Quest reward: 200 and 20

Anchors Away

Anchors Away Pt. 1

After tapping on Don Brodka's exclamation mark: Well Don, this is the end of the line for you. I gave the Try-N-Save the best years of my life. Stopped a hundred shoplifters from committing heinous, grisly misdemeanors. All to wind up here. Taking the only job I could find -- night guard at an anchor store. Sure, it's the best anchor store in town. Hankerin' for Anchorin' and Anchor Notions just can't compete. Still, it somehow feels like a step down. Task: Make Don Brodka Stare at Anchors (4h, Anchor Management) Good morning, sir! How was the night shift? 'Bout 3AM, a bird landed on the big anchor. I grabbed it for questioning, but it played dumb. I let it go with a warning. Great Scott! The big anchor is missing! We've been robbed! What?! I've been staring at it all night! Who? Who could possibly make off with that massive anchor?! I'll tell you who. The man, the myth, the legend - The Sea Captain! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Anchors Away Pt. 2

After tapping on Don Brodka's exclamation mark: Sea Captain?! Why would HE want an anchor? Uh, for his boat? Anchors are for boats? I guess I should have done some research before taking this gig. They say the Sea Captain was raised by a kraken, and sails a ship made from the bones of lost sailors. Others say he's a lonely former mailman who wears a captain's hat as a conversation starter. Either way... spooky stuff! Kid, you need to lay off the glue. Let's check out the surveillance tape. Task: Make Don Brodka Check Surveillance Footage (8h) One minute the anchor is there, the next it's gone! Impossible! It's the magic of the sea. There's no such thing as sea magic. Only land magic. Magic stops at the shore, idiot. What do they teach you kids in school nowadays? Well, I am NOT getting fired twice in the same week. Let's talk to this sea captain! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Anchors Away Pt. 3

After tapping on Don Brodka's exclamation mark: Kid, hang back while I shake down the old man. And watch out -- once he knows we're onto him, he may swallow the anchor to hide his crime. It weighs twenty tons. I once cornered a shoplifter who swallowed three eyewitnesses before I could react. Your hardcore thieves are all first-rate swallowers. Task: Make Don Brodka Perform an Interrogation (8h, Anchor Management) If the user has Sea Captain: Task: Make Sea Captain be One Slippery Fish (8h, Anchor Management) On job start: Sea Captain! Paid any visits to the anchor store lately? Yarrr. I, too, be interested in the disappearances there. Beware, Brodka. There's deviltry afoot. Anchor Management be a cursed and wretched place. Uh-huh. By the way, is it true you used to be a mailman? Aye. Forty-three years I cruised the neighborhood of Elmwood Heights. 'Tis a cursed and wretched place, too. Any places NOT cursed and wretched, you figure? Portland's not TOO cursed and wretched. I been there one time. Good food, nice bookstores. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Anchors Away Pt. 4

After tapping on Don Brodka's exclamation mark: That salty dog as good as admitted he's our man, but we need to catch him in the act. You're dealing with powers you can't possibly understand, Mr. Brodka! The only thing that scares me is unsolved crimes. Spiders aren't great, and the dream where I'm skydiving but my parachute won't open is pretty bad, too. But mainly unsolved crimes. *ack* He's back! Returned to the scene of the crime to curse us with his nautical necromancy! Oh no he doesn't.Tail him! Task: Make Don Brodka Tail a Shoplifter (4h, Anchor Management) Five more anchors are missing! Sea Captain! Tell me what you know! No more riddles! I bet it never occurred to you to lick one of the anchors you guard, did it? I must be slipping. Usually, licking the merchandise is the first step in any serious investigation. *licks anchor* Hmm... tastes sweet. Is this... spun sugar? Quest reward: 100 and 10

Anchors Away Pt. 5

After tapping on Don Brodka's exclamation mark: Anchor Management been cutting corners, making their anchors not from steel, but from sugar. And every morning, the sprinklers dissolve the sugar-anchors! Why didn't I think of that?! Probably because it's a pretty dumb idea. Thanks to this evil, the yachts and powerboats of a hundred retired doctors have been set adrift, dashed on the rocks. Humanity... what a joke. Task: Make Don Brodka Struggle With the Weight of the World (12h) I'm sorry I doubted you, Sea Captain. It's not yer fault, lad. I never would have believed humanity capable of such evil, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. I no longer understand the land world It's time to return to the sea, and my fish girlfriend. You mean... you're dating a mermaid? I meant exactly what I said. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Igloo Mansion

Igloo Mansion Pt. 1

After building Igloo Mansion: Some people spend their fortunes building affordable housing for the needy. I build wildly expensive housing for myself that will melt come spring and wash all the needy far away from me. Truly, sir, you have the soul of a poet. I don't think he was a poet. He did something in insurance, I think. Excuse me? You said I had a soul. And I do, in a phylactery over on the shelf, there. But it's former owner wasn't a poet. Oh. My mistake. *ring ring* Hmm. What's that strange ringing sound? I believe it's the doorbell. Shall I answer it? I'll get it. I want to let some air in. It's freezing in here. Task: Reach Level 11 and Build the Control Building Task: Make Mr. Burns Answer the Igloo Door (4h, Igloo Mansion) On job start: Yes, yes, what is it? Hey Mister, I have to go potty! Can I use your bathroom? Hmmm. Let me think. ... I'm going to say "no." If I let you use my bathroom, that would make you feel better, right? Yes, sir. Then definitely not. I didn't crush generations of workers under my boot to just turn around and start being nice to people. You have to be consistent in this life. That's my whole deal. Sir, I believe that the boy is seconds away from going to the bathroom on your front porch. Oho, playing hardball, eh? Very well. Pleas for help do nothing for me. Ruthless negotiating tactics I can respect. The bathroom is yours. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Igloo Mansion Pt. 2

After completing Igloo Mansion Pt. 1: You should be honored to be invited in, small person. You're only the third person to set eyes on my marvelous creation. Your house is chilly. Don't you have money for heat? *sputter* This is an igloo you buffoon, if I turn the heat on it will melt straight away. Then it's a dumb idea for a house. No it isn't. It's smart. Task: Make Mr. Burns Have a Childish Argument (4h, Igloo Mansion) On job start: Dumb. Smart. Dumb. Smart. Would you like me to see our guest out, sir? Not until I've won this argument. Smart. Dumb times infinity. Drat! Quest reward: 200 and 20

Boat House

Boat House Pt. 1

After building Boat House: Yarrrr! Take cover, ye land lubbers, and pray to whatever gods ye hold! There be a nor'easter blowing in! We're all gonna die! ...he said, not knowing what a "nor'easter" is, but assuming the worst... It means a big storm. A tempest that devours all, gorging on the souls of the damned! Sending ships and fish alike to watery graves! In that case, we might want to stock up on extra batteries. Aye, and canned veggies, too! Plus, it's always sensible to have a gas-powered generator on hand! They be affordable! Not that it will do ye any good when the kraken fixes its gaze upon ye... Task: Make Sea Captain Terrify With Tales of the Deep (4h, Boat House) I've seen the kraken tear mighty vessels asunder with its tentacles. 'Twas in a movie whose name escapes me at the moment. But Keanu Reeves was miscast as the ship's captain. Of that I be sure! Can the kraken get into our house? So long as we don't invite him in, he can't enter, right? Homer, krakens are a myth.Besides, they live in the sea. We're on land. What about when I take a bath? Can the kraken get me there?! Well, it didn't happen in the film, but sure, probably. I imagine the kraken would like nothing better than to pull you to the icy depths of the tub. Stop scaring my husband! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Boat House Pt. 2

After completing Boat House Pt. 1: The fools doubt that the kraken be real. But I keep vigil from the prow of my boat house, ready to raise the alarm when the creature rises. The threat of the sea is all too real when one lives on water that is almost five feet deep. Task: Make Sea Captain Look Through His Spyglass (8h, Boat House) I saw it! The kraken?! Yarrr. It beat the sea into a froth, commanding the wind and rain with primal sorcery. I stared calmly into its hundred eyes speaking incantations in a long-dead tongue, casting it back to the deeps. And that's why the nor-easter petered out and all we got was a light drizzle. So I don't need all these batteries I bought, huh? Yarrr. You can never have enough batteries. Bit of old sea wisdom for ye. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Stranding at Attention

Stranding at Attention Pt. 1

After placing Aircraft Carrier: Kids, did I ever tell you about the time I stopped a mutiny aboard a World War II Navy aircraft carrier? Is this the one that ends with you wrestling Godzilla in Madison Square Garden? No, and that story wasn't entirely true. See, I told you that one when I was younger and much more senile than I am now. No, this happened when I was a handsome, young buck, living my best Navy Life. I'd been assigned a top secret mission by my Commander. *flashback harp* I won't let you down, sir! Tojo will be shaking in his boots when he sees what I've done! Task: Make Young Grampa Simpson Swab the Deck (1h, Squidport Entrance or Homes) Mission accomplished, sir! Awaiting further instructions! That was when I saw a sight so horrible it will be forever etched in my memory. *chanting* Dead body, dead body, dead body! A grown man suffering terrible food poisoning in the water closet! *ewww* Grampa! Sir! I will never forget your sacrifice! I'll see that you get the Purple Heart for this! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Stranding at Attention Pt. 2

After completing Stranding at Attention Pt. 1: With my C.O. out of commission, that left me in command. I immediately set to the task at hand: becoming drunk with power. *flashback harp* Here's the situation, Abe. Some people achieve greatness, some people have greatness thrust upon them by undercooked chicken. Swabbing platoon B! I am assuming command! Report for duty! Task: Make Young Grampa Simpson Use His Commander Voice (4h, Squidport Entrance or Brown House) On job start: Atten-hut! Men, your commanding officer is down. As of this moment, I am in charge. Some of you look at this deck and think: "Hey, that looks pretty well swabbed". You think: "We've been swabbing for twelve hours, and Navy regulations require we be allowed to sleep". But I look at this deck, and I think: "If I work these men even harder, maybe the boss will promote me, so screw these guys". So whaddya say, men? Are you ready to sacrifice everything for my benefit? Hello? Men? *whistles* Yo, anybody out there? Quest reward: 100 and 10

Stranding at Attention Pt. 3

After completing Stranding at Attention Pt. 2: I was getting nowhere with these layabouts. It was time to properly motivate them. Alright boys, I've hidden the key to the Mess Hall. No one gets dinner until this deck shines like the Captain's rear end after I'm done kissing it! Well, I'm proud to say the men respected my authority, and they fell right in line. Task: Make Young Grampa Simpson Run From Sailors (4h, Squidport Entrance or Brown House) Boys, we can work this out! Why don't you all put me down, and we can discuss fine tuning my management style? And that was when I learned that even if you're in the middle of the ocean far from any discernable land mass... If you make the fellas mad enough, they'll find a sand bar to strand you on. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Stranding at Attention Pt. 4

After completing Stranding at Attention Pt. 3: Stranded on a desert island by my crew, I knew I was facing the very real possibility of sunburn. Also thirst and starvation. That's when my eyes fell upon my salvation: sharks. *flashback harp* Yoo-hoo! Over here, sharks! First one to offer me a ride gets all the mutineers he can eat! Task: Make Young Grampa Simpson Get Jumped by the Shark (12h) That was when I learned the terrible truth about sharks -- they do not honor verbal contracts. Hey, I asked for a RIDE, you idiot shark. Not a mauling! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Stranding at Attention Pt. 5

After completing Stranding at Attention Pt. 4: So then the men rescued me and the rest of the story is really boring. The end! Nuh-uh, Grampa. Any story you don't want to tell us is one I want to hear. Fine. What's a little more humiliation at my age anyway, just a drop in the ol' catheter. *flashback harp* Now men, I realize we've had slight disagreements over my leadership style. But seeing as how you tried to kill me, and would love another crack at it, maybe I could make you dinner? Task: Make Young Grampa Simpson Peel Potatoes (24h) This is the last time I'll ever peel a potato! *flash-forward harp* And it was. From then on, I made my wife peel the potatoes. Until she left me. Then, no potatoes ever again. Man, I miss potatoes. Oh, right. And then I wrestled Godzilla in Madison Square Garden. The end. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Ziff it to the Limit

Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 1

After tapping on Young Artie Ziff's exclamation mark: In conclusion, "public displays of affection" are detrimental to a high school's mission, which is education. They should be outlawed and punishable by immediate expulsion. Well put, Artie. And now, taking the "pro" side in this debate... Marge Bouvier. While my opponent makes some excellent points, he ignores the fact that we are inherently emotional beings. Not all of us! As an evolved teenager, my thought processes are entirely logical. We students are supposed to be learning about all aspects of life. And one of those is surely love. Love is a chemical process in the brain designed to prompt organisms to reproduce. Right, my fellow teenagers? An insightful and chilling argument, Mr. Ziff. I'm impressed and disturbed. Task: Make Young Artie Try to Counter the Argument (4h, Springfield High School, Springfield Library or Brown House) On job start: Seriously, Marge. I must have missed "Introduction to Love" in the school course guide. If you've never experienced love, Artie, then maybe you don't know EVERYTHING. An interesting proposition. Very well. I shall open myself to the feeling of love. There! I have just retasked a region of my neocortex to run algorithms based on emotion, not logic. Oh my stars. Look at those waves of blue hair. Look at those limpid eyes. Marge Bouvier is the embodiment of perfection! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 2

After tapping on Young Artie Ziff's exclamation mark: What's come over me? Yesterday I was just your average, unfeeling, smartest teenager in the world. Today my heart is pounding! I hear music that defies all description! Everywhere I look, Marge Bouvier is there. I'm lost!A Ziff adrift! I enjoyed our debate today, Artie! You're really smart. I-I-I-I. Oh. Hmm. That is... er... der... duh... duuuuhhhhh.... ... Guuuuhhhhhh... Task: Make Young Artie Be Tongue-Tied for the First Time (4h, Springfield High School, Springfield Library or Brown House) Are you okay, Artie? For the first time in my life, yes! How shall I put this? My very loins are aflame with the inferno of masculine desire. Uh, okay! Whatever that means! Like I said, you're a real smart guy. See ya around! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 3

After tapping on Young Artie Ziff's exclamation mark: Get your head together, Ziff! Find something to take your mind off Marge. Perhaps I should prove the Riemann hypothesis? No, too easy. I need something meatier... I could perfect my cold fusion device. No, the last thing the world needs is limitless clean energy... What about some painting? Ah, yes. Painting, like joke writing, is truly mankind's most complete waste of time. Out into the garden for some fresh air and sunlight! Task: Make Young Artie be Creatively Creepy (4h, Marge Sculpture Garden) *sigh* Painting is no use. Even my highly refined brushwork and impeccable gouache cannot capture Marge's beauty. If I cannot escape her siren call, then I must make her mine. I wonder if she knows how lucky she is to have won the heart of Artie Ziff?! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 4

After completing Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 3: Artie, Marge. I want a good clean debate today. No mocking each other. Why would I mock Artie? Well, like you, he takes debate class, which makes him a tremendous nerd. Again, like you. Anyway... get us started, Artie. Thank you, Mr. Chalmers. Beautiful Margery, prepare to experience the greatest joy a woman can know... Having a man tell her she's wrong about everything! Task: Make Artie Ziff Dominate at Debate (8h, Springfield High School or Brown House) In conclusion, let me reiterate that string theory, though a useful thought experiment, is ultimately unverifiable and therefore moot! Marge, rebuttal. I... I thought we were debating whether pollution was bad? Well, yes. But I thought you deserved to be dazzled by my grasp of abstract mathematical theory. You're welcome! Actually, I was... a little bored. By Artie Ziff? Impossible! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 5

After completing Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 4: Margery, I have wonderful news. I'm... interested in you. Congratulations! You are hereby approved to date me, Artie Ziff. Oh. Uh, Artie, I didn't realize your feelings ran that way... Well, they do! Your every wish is thus fulfilled, and your future is assured. You will not die alone. How splendid for you! Gee, I'm really not sure I'm interested... Then you soon shall be! Behold, the full glory of Artie Ziff! Task: Make Young Artie Dance Like Marge is Watching (24h) *panting* Shall we... shall we start planning the wedding? You seem very sure of yourself. Wouldn't you be, if you were me? Of course, if you WERE me, we'd make an even cuter couple! ...I'm sorry, Artie. But the man I marry will be a gentleman AND a scholar. And he'll have a full head of hair and washboard abs. *walks off* *yelling down the hall* You'll come around, Margery! Oh yes, you will! Or my name isn't Artie Ziff! Quest reward: 200 and 20

Non-Alcoholic Whine

Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 1

After tapping on Young Barnie's exclamation mark: Welcome to my uncle's chalet, Homer! Isn't it great? The word "chalet" implies a hot tub and girls who ski in bikini tops for some wonderful reason I can't fathom. THIS is an ice fishing shack. Well, sure, but if you like ice fishing-- Gonna stop you right there. I don't. I don't even like REGULAR fishing. Listen, my philosophy is: "whatever makes you happy is great. Except fishing, which is dumb and you're dumb for liking it, ya dummy." Just pass me a beer. We don't have any. Being drunk would impair our fishing skills, and we can't have that! I'm going to die out here. Task: Make Young Barney Prepare Ice Fishing (4h, Ice Fishing Shack) If the user has Teenage Homer: Task: Make Young Homer Freeze His Butt Off (4h, Ice Fishing Shack) We're all set to fish! Hey, you okay, Homer? You're turning kind of blue. J-j-just t-t-trying not to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d... freeze to death. You'll feel better once you go completely numb. Know what? You can go f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f... buzz off. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 2

After tapping on Young Barnie's exclamation mark: You just need to discover the peace of fishing. Now grab one of these worms and impale its still-living form on your razor-sharp hook. I'm not going to kill some poor worm over fishing. It's already as good as dead. Nothing can survive in this cold. WHICH IS WHY I WANT BEER! GIVE BEER! What do we need beer for when we've got friendship? That's a false premise. Your actual options are A) beer AND friendship both; or B) no beer and pure animal hatred. Task: Make Young Barney Excel at Fishing (12h, Ice Fishing Shack) If the user has Teenage Homer: Task: Make Young Homer Fish for an Escape (4h, Ice Fishing Shack) Having fun yet, Homer? *cracks open a beer* Sure am, Barn! Hey! Where'd you find that?! Dunno, but I have a theory. I think the universe just sort of wants me to be a drunk. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 3

After tapping on Young Barnie's exclamation mark: I was really hoping to get away from all the peer pressure around drinking for a few days. Hey, don't be sore, pal. You don't have to drink. Unless you want to be cool. Why would I turn myself into a pudgy, belching, idiot? I've got enough trouble getting girls as it is. If it's girls you want, you came to the right man. Let me teach you the basics of scoring with super-hot babes. Task: Make Young Barney Admire Young Homer (1h, Ice Fishing Shack) If the user has Teenage Homer: Task: Make Young Homer Ramble Nonsensically About Women (8h, Ice Fishing Shack) On job start dialogue: The most important thing to remember is that women and men are exactly the same. *pulls out tiny pad of paper and pencil* Uh huh. Uh huh. Go on. So when you talk to a girl, remember that she's interested in sports, babes, and your personal ranking of the various guitar gods. And if she disagrees with you, tell her she couldn't be more wrong, and that she should feel terrible about that. All these years I've been trying to figure out what girls like. When it was right in front of my stupid face. But the most important thing is to let them know, right up front, that you're a chick magnet and women find you irresistible. *writes in tiny pad of paper* Be a chick magnet. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 4

After tapping on Young Barnie's exclamation mark: I've clearly got a lot of work to do on myself before girls will like me. Well, that's certainly true. But you'll feel better about it after a beer. Where did THAT beer come from? No idea. I just reach down my hand, like this, and-- hey! There's another one! Drink up, pal! My Uncle says you should never bow to peer pressure. A wise man. Now shut up and drink, or else. Task: Make Young Barney Try to Fit In (4h) Ew, beer is gross. *hic* Keep at it pal. You'll come around. *hic* I never want to drink anything else ever again. I hope my blood turns into beer. That way, if I get in a car accident, it's like: "Quick, give this man a beer transfusion!" Boom! I'm drunker than ever. Homer, I think you might have a problem. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 5

After tapping on Young Barnie's exclamation mark: Come on Homer, let's get you home. I think all this beer is damaging your brain. *hic* Not the beer. Beer good. Cold bad. Homer still have toes? Your toes? Yeah, they're right there in your shoes. *hic* What about fingers? Actually, they're a little blue. I think you're getting hypothermia. *belch* No chance. Homer nice and toasty warm now. What I'm about to say to you goes with us to our graves - for your own safety, take off your clothes and hold me. Task: Make Young Barney Cuddle for Warmth (12h, Ice Fishing Shack) If the user has Teenage Homer: Task: Make Young Homer Be Cuddled for Warmth (12h, Ice Fishing Shack) Feeling any better, Homer? Oh, god. How did it come to this? I swear, I am never drinking again. EVER. ... *cracks a beer* Eh, the universe wants what it wants. Quest reward: 200 and 20

The Timberlog Diner

The Timberlog Diner Pt. 1

After building The Timberlog Diner: Ooh, look, guys! A new restaurant! I wanna try! Pull over! Homer, we just ate. Just pull over, Carl. You know how he gets... That's exactly the point. Homer needs to learn that he can't always have what he wants. He's just going to keep asking and asking... Pull over! Pull over! Pull over! Huuuuuunnnnggggrrrryyyyyy! If we always give in, he's going to grow up to be a selfish monster. He's only thirty-eight years old. You can't expect him to act like an adult. Cut him some slack. No. This time I'm putting my foot down. Task: Make Homer Have a Hunger Induced Panic Attack (4h, The Timberlog Diner) On job start: All right, all right! We'll stop for food! Just settle down, Homer! Don't yell at the boy, Carl. He's just testing boundaries. It's normal at his age. Don't use your therapist voice on me. I'm doing the best I know how. Food!!! Quest reward: 100 and 10

The Timberlog Diner Pt. 2

After completing The Timberlog Diner Pt. 1: They have donuts! Want! Donuts are dessert. You have to eat something healthy first. Waiter? Can we get a plate of donuts? You always have to undermine me, don't you, Lenny? Task: Make Homer Eat All the Donuts (4h, The Timberlog Diner) On job start: *furious donut eating* That is really disgusting. Don't pick on him, okay? At least he's eating. I just... I just thought it would be easier, ya know? It's so much responsibility. And I really love the little guy. Hey, I get it. You worry because you care. Homer's just going through a phase. He'll grow out of it. Promise? Promise. *furious donut eating* Quest reward: 200 and 20

Bethlehem Inn

Bethlehem Inn Pt. 1

After building Bethlehem Inn: What's happened to this place? We used to be packed. Most nights, there was no room at the inn. 'Specially around the holidays. Hey diddily, Innkeep-arino! Me and the boys heard this was the official birthplace of Jesus! *lying* Uh, yeah, sure is! Built in 1954. Jesus was one of our first customers. Nice kid. You could tell from day one he was cool. I don't suppose your manger is available tonight? Sadly, no. It burned down in the eighties. Was it... the Romans? Uh, yeah, sure. But listen, if you're looking for lousy, barn-like accommodations, you're in luck! I got lotsa rooms, every one worse than the dirtiest manger! Yes, please! We want the same biting cold and filthy straw that Mary and Joseph had. You'll get our most decrepit room. It's, uh, a little more expensive, of course... Task: Reach Level 15 and Build Moe's Tavern Task: Make Moe Overcharge Pilgrims (4h, Bethlehem Inn) Right this way, here's your room. Daddy, why is there a kitty biting my toes? *shrieks* That's not a kitty! That's a rat! The VERY SAME rat that nibbled on Jesus' little piggies. His name's Bitey. Jesus came up with that. What an honor! Eh, boys? Quest reward: 100 and 10

Bethlehem Inn Pt. 2

After completing Bethlehem Inn Pt. 1: 'Night, all. Do let the bedbugs bite. I mean, if you try to stop them, they get angry and really tear you apart. Daddy, where are all the sheep and camels? That's right. This can't be an authentic Baby Jesus Experience unless we're kept up half the night by the sounds of God's creatures. *sigh* What I won't do for a buck... Task: Make Moe Imitate Barn Animals (8h, Bethlehem Inn) I hope you enjoyed your stay at the Bethlehem Inn, come back real soon. It was very authentic. I haven't slept that badly in years. Tell me something -- did Jesus or his folks use the vibrating mattress in that room? Of course. Yeah. Why not? Hallelujah. Quest reward: 200 and 20

A Hole in None

A Hole in None Pt. 1

After placing Mini Golf Castle: Welcome to Channel 6's coverage of the Springfield Celebrity Pro-am, America's premier mini-golf tournament. I'm joined by legendary golf champion Lee Carvallo. Lee, how do you like your chances today? I just want to go out there and give it my all. It's a talented field, lot of great players, we'll see how it goes. *chuckles* Every athlete is just a mind-numbingly boring interview, Lee. I didn't realize that included golfers, but I see it does. It is what it is. We'll just see how it goes, try to have fun out there. *laughs* Stunningly bland! Lee, show us some of the trophies you've won over the years. Anything is better than listening to you. Task: Make Lee Carvallo Display His Awards (8h) Lee, I would literally kill everyone on this planet for a single daytime Emmy. And here you are, a mindless dud, surrounded by awards. Moving on. Lee, instead of listening to your moronic blather, let's meet the amateur you'll be paired with today. One day at a time, right? That was in no way a response to what I said. Good job, Lee! Hey-diddly-o, Mr. C! Ned Flanders here. Honored to be your partner. Excited to get out there and let the chips fall where they may. Course looks to be in great shape, excited for the challenge. What a charming man, eh, Kent? There's not a single working neuron in his skull. Quest reward: 100 and 10

A Hole in None Pt. 2

After tapping on Lee Carvallo's exclamation mark: So, Mr. Carvallo. Are you familiar with our mini-golf course? Need any pointers? *chuckles* You can only do what you can do. We'll see how it goes. Excited to compete. Okay... that's the spirit, I guess. Just be advised, the wind tends to sort of whip around that windmill, so stay to the right. Course is in great shape. Strong field, gonna be a challenge, one shot at a time, short memory. Is that... did you hear what I said? It feels like you didn't... Task: Make Lee Carvallo Take a Perfect Shot (4h, Mini Golf Castle) Beautiful tee shot on the first hole for Lee. He's putting on a mini-golf clinic today, folks! Just gotta stay within myself. Can't wait to get out there. Uh... you DO realize we've already started playing, Mr. Carvallo? I've been striking the ball well in practice. We'll see what happens on the course. *uncomfortable chuckle* Let's... let's just move on to the next hole. Quest reward: 100 and 10

A Hole in None Pt. 3

After tapping on Lee Carvallo's exclamation mark: This next green is tricky, Lee. Make sure you aim for the ramp on the left. The other ramp drops you into a pretty nasty spot. Looking forward to playing some mini-golf. Wait, Lee! I meant to say aim for the ramp on the right! The right! Too late! He's stuck behind the little lighthouse. It'll be a double bogey for sure! It is what it is! Every day playing golf is a good day! Oh, my. He's furious. Task: Make Lee Carvallo Suck at Mini Golf (1h, Mini Golf Castle) If I'm seeing the breaks, I like my chances! Beautiful day for golf! Mr. Carvallo, I'm real sorry about that last hole. I made a mistake. Please don't scream at me. It's a marathon, not a sprint! These are some great fans! Mr. Carvallo, you're turning beet red! Try to breathe! Quest reward: 100 and 10

A Hole in None Pt. 4

After completing A Hole in None Pt. 3: In a shocking development, Lee Carvallo finds himself ten shots behind the leaders. A living legend, a man who's never lost a mini-golf game in his life, could see it all go up in flames here today. Ever since Ned Flanders steered him towards the wrong ramp, Carvallo has completely crumbled. I've rarely seen a professional athlete this broken. Lee, what's going through your head right now? The greens are playing fast but fair! I'm just looking to string together a few good holes! It's great weather for golf! And so this pea-brained champion, this dim-witted maestro of the greens, withers before our very eyes. Task: Make Lee Carvallo Ruin His Perfect Record (8h, Mini Golf Castle) Lee Carvallo's sad march continues. Now forty-three shots behind the leaders, he stalks the 17th green, completely unhinged. *shouting in the distance* THIS IS A GREAT TOURNAMENT! I WANT TO THANK BANK OF SPRINGFIELD FOR SPONSORING A FIRST-CLASS OPERATION! Quest reward: 100 and 10

A Hole in None Pt. 5

After completing A Hole in None Pt. 4: Mr. Carvallo? Can I get you anything? A glass of water maybe? It's about consistency. Just trying to do the same thing, swing after swing. Again, I'm really sorry about what happened. Could you find it in your heart to forgive me? *stares daggers at Flanders* Every tournament is different. Sometimes the ball rolls funny. Just one word of comfort for my guilty soul? That's all I ask... *his look growing even more hate-filled* I love the game of golf. Task: Make Lee Carvallo Show No Love (12h) It's never easy to watch a greatness dim. Lee Carvallo was a hero to many. Today, that all ended. We may never know exactly what was going on in his head. Or if ANYTHING was going on in his head, which I seriously doubt. But we do know this -- as far as Lee Carvallo is concerned, it was a great day for golf. Also, it is what it is. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Learning to Share

Learning to Share Pt. 1

After tapping on Jim Hope's exclamation mark: Mr. Hope, I've just received a letter from the IRS. Your company, Kid First Industries, is suspected of tax evasion. You're also charged with -- and I've never seen this before -- "general grossness". It's a little-known crime from the Constitution. Since when is evading taxes a crime?! Listen, I'll make this right. I'll have the IRS killed. Murder is, sadly, also a crime. That's the government for you. Always nosing into other people's homicides. Well, I can't pay. I haven't had a hit toy since the Funzo. I'm broke. Task: Make Jim Hope Search His Pockets for Spare Change (4h, Kid First Industries) Here, this is everything I've got in my pockets. *drops coins on desk* You're going to need... fifteen million dollars more. I do have another pair of pants at home. So, there's that. But I suppose I could just invent another hit toy. Better put on a happy face for the kiddies and hope ol' Uncle Jim's still got it. As your lawyer, I must advise you not to refer to yourself as "uncle" around children who aren't your relatives. Why? Liability issue? No, just creepy. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Learning to Share Pt. 2

After tapping on Jim Hope's exclamation mark: All right, Lindsey. We need a smash hit toy for the holidays or I'm going to jail. You're not the only one who's been evading taxes. Should I be worried? Probably. As in, I'm "probably" going to rat you out to get a reduced sentence. I see. I suppose I could have you killed? No, it's illegal. The lawyer said so. Shoot. Well, I never like making money honestly, but that may be our only option here. If there was any other way, believe me I'd be all over it.Let's get to work. Task: Make Jim Hope Brainstorm Original Ideas (4h) If the user has Lindsey Naegle: Task: Make Lindsey Naegle Brainstorm Ways to Backstab Jim Hope (4h, Kid First Industries) Read back to me what we've come up with so far. A doll that explodes if you forget to feed it, a mobile game based on a past-its-prime cartoon... ...an action figure with a monthly subscription fee for some reason, and a kid-sized AR-15 that doesn't set off metal detectors. All brilliant, every one! Let's run some focus groups and see what the kids think! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Learning to Share Pt. 3

After tapping on Jim Hope's exclamation mark: Hey there kids, how would you like to play with some toys? No way! You're not fooling us with that act again. I like playing with toys in front of one-way mirrors! Hey Ralph, take my hand and we'll look for fairies in your backyard, okay? I like doing the last thing someone suggested! Let's go! We'll catch a fairy today for sure. But we have to get far, far away from this guy -- fairies don't like him. *sigh* They grow out of their easily-manipulated stage so fast. Task: Make Jim Hope Demonstrate Toys (12h) The kids hated our toys! They said they were "too cynical". Since when is making toys designed to prey on kids' worst impulses "cynical"? How am I supposed to con them if they're wise to my tricks? Am I supposed to make something they actually like? *chuckles* Don't spout such nonsense! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Learning to Share Pt. 4

After tapping on Jim Hope's exclamation mark: Little girl, please come back. I need your help -- I'm desperate! You've always been desperate. Hey, you think it's EASY being a grown man who's nowhere near as good at inventing toys as the great Lisa Simpson? Flattery won't work on me. I know. You're way too smart to fall for flattery. Sweet, sweet flattery... Oh how I love it... Fine! You get ten minutes of my time. I'll come up with one toy. But that's it! Task: Make Jim Hope Steal Lisa's Ideas (8h, Springfield Elementary or Kid First Industries, Lisa) On job start: How about a toy oven that makes fattening cakes, then we sell a weight loss supplement as an add-on? Hmm. What if the toy oven makes nutritious snacks, but they look like cupcakes. Makes the kids AND the parents happy. So, it's not exploitative? I mean, what's the fun in that? What about a set of encyclopedias, but all the facts are wrong so it makes you stupider? Then we sell tutoring services to all the new dummies we just made. Stick with the healthy oven. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Learning to Share Pt. 5

After tapping on Jim Hope's exclamation mark: Lindsey, I think we've got our hit toy: The Half-Baked Oven! Half-Baked is half as powerful as regular play ovens. So you have to buy special pre-half-baked treats from us. Wait, no! That's not what we agreed on! Can't you see how much more evil it is my way? Think, Lisa! I want my idea back. You stole it from me! Jim, open us some bubbly to celebrate. I just need to make a quick phone call... It's hot tubbing time! Task: Make Jim Hope Pop Some Bottles (12h, Kid First Industries) If the user has Lindsey Naegle: Task: Make Lindsey Naegle Give Chief Wiggum a Hot Tip (12h, Kid First Industries) Lindsey! Hot tub's ready! I've got a special mankini I've been saving! Hold it right there, Hope! You're under arrest for exploiting the work of miners. Because of the Lisa Simpson thing? What? No, not some kid. Miners. The guys who work in mines. Anyway, that's what I heard over the phone. And that's how I wrote it up. You can't expect me to redo all that paperwork. Lindsey! You set me up! Have fun in prison, Jim! Eureka, that's it! A play set that's a prison, and whenever you want to free your dolls, you have to purchase a new security code from us? Hmmm. Yeah, I'd play with that. *being dragged off to jail* I'm back, baby! Quest reward: 200 and 20

Toys "B" This

Toys "B" This Pt. 1

After building Toys "B" This: Now remember, Mom. All I want for Christmas is FortFite: Platinum Headshot Edition. I know, sweetie. It's really hard to find that video game. The internet is sold out. What about the toy store? You've exhausted every possible angle to satisfy my demands, right? You still love me, right? Right? Bart, the toy store went out of business. ... But I guess we could break in! Maybe there's a copy of your game lying around in there. I'll bring the car around. Task: Make Marge Break Into the Abandoned Toy Store (4h, Toys "B" This) Task: Make Bart Be Overcome by Nostalgia (4h, Toys "B" This) On job start: It's kind of spooky in here. We passed so many wonderful hours in here, didn't we? I wonder why they shut it down? Probably because we, and all the other people who cherish the magic of toy stores, ditched these places the second they turned on the internet. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Toys "B" This Pt. 2

After completing Toys "B" This Pt. 1: How could we let this happen to toy stores? What were we thinking? Well, it IS pretty great buying toys in your underwear from the convenience of the couch. It's not fair! You can't drag your parents to the internet and make a scene until they crumble and buy you what you want! We should get out of here. Ol' Gil isn't much of a security guard, but even he's gotta wake up sometime. Task: Make Marge Try to Comfort Bart (4h, Simpson House) Bart, how come you're not playing your new game? I worked very hard to track it down for you. I can't stop thinking about the store. Why do things have to change? That's just what happens when you get older, sweetie. The world keeps changing. But there's one thing that will never, ever change. Not even if you live a million years. *kisses his forehead* And that's -- How much you suck at videogames? Right. That's exactly what I was going to say. That the one constant in the universe is how much I suck at stupid Fortfite. Quest reward: 200 and 20

Personalized Talking Astrolabe Pt. 1

After placing Personalized Talking Astrolabe: Homie, I've got a special surprise for you - something you've been wanting for a long time. Oh boy, oh boy! Is it that deep fryer that can fit a whole cow? Or that girdle that's made out of bacon? Neither, it's this thing. Tada! The astro-whatchamacallit! My beloved unnecessary object! At last! Let's hear what wisdom it's been keeping for us. Task: Tap the Personalized Talking Astrolabe Huh. Somehow, I thought the info it gave would be more necessary. You don't get the point of ANYTHING, do you, Marge? Do you? *sigh* Well, at least it's shiny. That's nice. Never leave me again you beautiful, pointless thing... My life was so much less meaningless until you came along. Quest reward: 200 and 20