Principal Charming/Quotes
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- Marge: Homer, remember you promised you'd try to limit pork to six servings a week?
- Homer: Marge, I'm only human.
- Selma: I'll get right to the point. I'm getting older, fatter, and uglier. Please, Marge, help me find a man before it's too late.
- Homer: Find a husband? Wait, which one's Selma again?
- Marge: She's the one who likes "Police Academy" movies and Hummel figurines and walking through the park on clear Autumn days.
- Principal Skinner: Bart, I'm flabbergasted. Surely you knew as you were writing your own name in 40 foot high letters on the field that you would be caught.
- Bart: Maybe it was one of the other Barts, sir.
- Skinner: There are no other Barts!
- Bart: Uh-oh.
- Bart: Hello, is Homer there?
- Moe: Homer who?
- Bart: Homer Sexual.
- Moe: Wait one second, let me check. [to the bar] Ahh, Homer Sexual. Ah, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual. [catches on] Oh no, you rotten little punk! If I ever get ahold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off.
- Skinner: So, Patty, tell me... tell me more about your trip to Egypt.
- Patty: Nothing more to tell, really. The Nile smells like cattle rot, and they've got horseflies over there the size of your head.
- Skinner: Marvelous. Just marvelous.
- Marge: Well, Selma hated Egypt, too. A camel spit on her!
- Skinner: [dismissive] Oh yes, I heard they can be difficult.
- Skinner: Kiss me, Patty. I don't have cooties!
- Skinner: I'm going to ask for your aunt Patty's hand in marriage.
- Bart: Your funeral, Seymour.
- Moe: Homer, lighten up. You're making "Happy Hour" bitterly ironic.
- Homer: I gotta find a date for my big, fat, snotty sister-in-law Selma.
- Barney: Hey, I'm intrigued. What does Selma look like?
- Homer: Well, like my wife's ugly sister.
- Barney: Wheel her in, Homer. I'm not a picky man. [belches]
- Selma: It's time to give away my love life like so much cheap wine.
- Homer: Take it to the hoop, Selma!
