The Way We Was/Quotes
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- Homer: Do you two have to sit so close to the TV? Back up, or it'll hurt your eyes.
- Bart: It will not.
- Homer: [makes a fist] Yes, it will.
- Bart: Hey, what gives?
- Lisa: Dad! Do something!
- Homer: Alright, alright. Time for Dr. TV to perform a little surgery! [bangs on the TV and the picture gets worse]
- Bart: Looks like you lost the patient, Doc.
- Homer: [fiddles with the back of the television set] Is that better?
- Bart and Lisa: NO!!!
- Homer: How's this? [the picture on the television gets worse]
- Bart and Lisa: [screams]
- Homer: Okay, everybody remain calm. [gives the TV a big whack; the picture disappears]
- Bart and Lisa: [screams louder]
- Bart: Hey everybody, If you look real close, you can kinda make him out!
- Homer: Hey yeah... yeah! I think I can!
- Marge: I think this is sick... they're staring at a dot!
- Homer: She's right! She's right! Oh I miss TV, dear God! Just give me one channel.
- Bart: I'm livin' it, but I ain't lovin' it.
- Barney: Hey, Homer, you're late for English!
- Homer: Pffft, English. Who needs that. I'm never going to England.
- Barney: [school bell rings] Oh no, we're late for wood shop!
- Homer: But... we're early for lunch! Let's go grab a burger.
- Barney: Boy, you never stop eating and you never gain a pound.
- Homer: It's my metabomolism. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones.
- Marge: The first step to liberation is to free ourselves from these male-imposed shackles! [lights a bra; it burns up]
- Kim: I didn't think it would burn so fast.
- Marge: Mm, I guess it's the tissue paper inside.
- Barney: Hey, Estelle? Will you go to the prom with me?
- Estelle: I wouldn't go to the prom with you if you were Elliot Gould!
- Barney: Oh, shot down again.
- Homer: So, uh, what are you in for?
- Marge: I'm a political prisoner. Last time I ever take a stand...
- Homer: Well, I'm here for being me. Every day, I show up, act like me, and they slap me in here.
- Teacher: Simpson, be quiet!
- Homer: I haven't seen you in school before.
- Teacher: Okay, Simpson,
- Homer: What?
- Teacher: You just bought yourself another day of detention.
- Homer: Maybe we should get together sometime.
- Teacher: Two days!
- Marge: I'm sorry, I don't even know your name.
- Homer: I'm Homer
- Teacher: Three days!
- Homer: J.
- Teacher: Four days!
- Homer: Simpson.
- Teacher: Five days!
- Homer: It was worth it!
- Teacher: Six days! Okay, Simpson, to the back of the room!
- Homer: Hi, I'm Homer Simpson, I need some guidance, Counselor.
- Mr. McIntyre: Do you have any plans for after graduation?
- Homer: Me? I'm gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out all night.
- Homer: My name's Homer Simpson, I'd like to sign up for something.
- Mrs. Bloomenstein: Well, we have an opening on the debate team.
- Homer: Debate, like, arguing?
- Mrs. Bloomenstein: Yes.
- Homer: I'll take THAT, you DINGPOT! Just warming up, Mrs. Blumenstein.
- Mrs. Bloomenstein: This year's topic is "Resolved: The national speed limit should be lowered to 55 miles per hour."
- Homer: 55? That's ridiculous! Sure, it'll save a few lives, but millions will be late!
- Mrs. Bloomenstein: Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?
- Homer: With pleasure. (Everyone gasps as Homer moons the class.)
- [Principal Dondelinger catches Homer and Barney smoking in the bathroom.]
- Principal Dondelinger: Well, well, well. If it isn't Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble, Springfield's answer to "Cheech and Chong." Allow me, gentlemen. [grabs their cigarettes and tosses them in the toilet.] You just bought yourselves three days of detention. You know where and when.
- Homer and Barney: 3:00, old building, room 106.
- Barney: Wanna go to the prom with me?
- Kim: Good God! No!
- Barney: Well put.
- Bart: Great story. [bangs TV] Positively spellbinding. [bangs TV] Work, damn you.
- Homer: Bart! Pay attention, you may be telling this to your own son if something breaks.
- Marge: Maybe I'll wear my hair ... up.
- Bart: Get off the edge of your seat. They got married, had kids, and bought a cheap TV, okay?
- Mrs. Bouvier: If you pinch your cheeks, they'll glow. A little more, try to break some capillaries, dear.
- Marge: Couldn't we use just rouge for this?
- Mrs. Bouvier: Ladies pinch. Whores use rouge.
- Selma: [when Homer arrives to pick up Marge] Marge's dates get homelier all the time.
- Patty: That's what you get when you don't put out.
- Artie: Hello, classmates. Instead of voting for some athletic hero or a pretty boy, you have elected me, your intellectual superior, as your king. Good for you.
- Limo Driver: Well, where to now, Romeo?
- Homer: Inspiration Point.
- Limo Driver: Okay, but I'm only paid to drive.
- Artie: Marge, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about my busy hands, not so much for myself, but I am so respected, it would damage the town to hear it.
- Marge: When I got home, I realized who I should have gone to the prom with.
- Homer: Who? [realizes] Oh.
- Marge: My prom date.
- Homer: Marge, pour vous.
- Marge: Why so glum?
- Homer: I've got a problem. Once you stop this car, I'm gonna hug you, and kiss you, and then I'll never be able to let you go! :[Fades back to the present) And I never have... [Lisa smiles, Bart makes gagging noises]
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