The War of the Simpsons/Quotes
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"The War of the Simpsons"
- Barney: [to Patty] "Hey! You're Homer's sister-in-law, right? I remember you. But I don't remember you being so beau[burp]tiful!"
- [She sprays him in the eyes with Mace]
- Barney: "Oh, ow, hey, [burp] [cough] Is that a new kind of Mace? It's really painful!"
- Bart: Grampa! Mom was in such a hurry she forgot to give you this. It's a list of the things Lisa and I can and can't do.
- Grampa: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You're allowed to smoke cigars?
- Lisa: Half a gallon of chocolate?
- Bart: Check.
- Lisa: Half a gallon of chocolate brownie fudge?
- Bart: Check.
- Lisa: Half a gallon of chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate dish?
- Bart: Yep.
- Grampa: Did your mom really write that shopping list?
- Lisa: Grampa, what a question.
- Bart: What's next, Lis?
- Lisa: Sprinkles and syrup.
- Bart: Hey Grampa, aisle 6 and step on it.
- Grampa: Alright, but put out that cigar.
- McBain: But, captain, I can't avenge my partner's death with the pea shooter.
- Captain: I don't wanna hear it, McBain – tha-that cannon of yours is against regulations! In this department, we go by the book. [McBain fires part of the book through the wall]
- McBain: Bye, book.
- Bait Shop Clerk: Yep, 'General Sherman'. They say he's five hundred pounds of bottom-dwelling fury, don't you know. No one knows how old he is, but if you ask me (and most people do), he's hundred years if he's a day.
- Customer: And uh no one's ever caught him?
- Bait Shop Clerk: Well, one fella came close. Went by the name of Homer. Seven feet tall he was, with arms like tree trunks. His eyes were like steel, cold, hard. Had a shock of hair, red like the fires of Hell...