Mr. Lisa's Opus/Quotes
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- Lisa: Dad! Mom is gonna leave you.
- Homer: Sweetie, marriages are like water heaters—they sit peacefully for years until they explode in a fireball ruining everything you own.
- Lisa: Mom packed her bags.
- Homer: Which suitcase? The one with the broken wheel? Because she won't get more than a block away with that.
- Lisa: She fixed the wheel.
- Homer: Oh, God!
- Homer: Stop drinking? That's like asking a golfer to stop drinking!
- Homer: Ned, I have to quit drinking. Now!
- Ned Flanders: Al right, soberino, it's just 12 simple steps.
- Homer: Oh, 12?
- Ned: Fine. Nine.
- Homer: Oh!
- Ned: Okay, step one: admit you're powerless.
- Homer: I'm powerless. Boom! Done.
- Ned: Step two: admit there is a power greater than yourself.
- Homer: Um, if I'm powerless, isn't every power greater than myself?
- Ned: This is the 12 steps, not 20 questions. Now, make a decision to turn your life to God.
- Homer: [Scoffs] God. He's in every deal, like undercoating. Fine.
- Ned: Make a searching moral inventory of yourself.
- Homer: If I have one tiny flaw, it's that I have many enormous flaws.
- Ned: Admit the nature of your wrongs.
- Homer: Well, I'm not the best parallel parker.
- Ned: Are you ready for God to remove these defects?
- Homer: Dear Lord, the Satan of Heaven, I order you to fix me.
- Valerie: So I suppose you want to tell me your SATs.
- Lisa: Very much. But I won't.
