| Clinical Trials
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| Tapped Out Quest Information
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Clinical Trials is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Snow Place Like the Woods content update. It requires Walther Hotenhoffer to be obtained.
Dialogue[edit]
| After tapping on Walther Hotenhoffer's exclamation mark
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...and so Hotenhoffer Pharmaceuticals has been approved for clinical trials for our new drug, "Senilifix", and are here asking for volunteers.
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Last thing I volunteered for was the Army. All I got out of it was trench foot and the clap.
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Unfortunate. But those who participate will receive full medical coverage.
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I'm in!
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Me too!
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Please take me! I'll do whatever.
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Don't you want to know about possible side effects?
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If one of them is free medical care, sign us up!
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Task: "Make Walther Hotenhoffer Get Mobbed by the Elderly". The job takes place at Hotenhoffer Pharmaceuticals and takes 4 hours.
If the Retirement Castle Orderly is owned: Task: "Make Retirement Castle Orderly Lead Old Folks Using a Candy Trail". The job takes place at Hotenhoffer Pharmaceuticals and takes 4 hours.
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Oh dear. We usually have too few volunteers. This is the opposite. Thank you, err...
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It's Clark, sir. I'll help wrangle these folks for you.
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Bless you...what's your name?
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Clark, sir. And if you want these patients to listen, speak loudly, slowly and have a bag of butterscotch candy.
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Thank you, Clark.
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If you'll excuse me, I'll lead them to the exercise room.
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*tossing butterscotch* Come on, folks! Follow the scotch! That's it...
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Quest reward:  100 and  10
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| After tapping on Walther Hotenhoffer's exclamation mark
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Thank you for coming in, Mr...
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Just "Jasper" is fine, sonny.
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Thank you, Jasper. First a few questions to ensure that our results are accurate...
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Please list for me all of the current medications you're on.
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I will, but I hope you cleared your afternoon.
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Is it that many?
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Yes. And I may need a nap sometime in there.
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If Jasper is owned: Task: "Make Jasper List All His Medications". The job takes place at Hotenhoffer Pharmaceuticals and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Walther Hotenhoffer Run Out of Paper Several Times". The job takes place at Hotenhoffer Pharmaceuticals and takes 4 hours.
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...and then I like to rub some sleep oil on my toes at night. My doctor says that it doesn't do anything, but I say it does. It uses up all that dang sleep oil I bought!
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Well. This is certainly an exhaustive list of medical conditions and oddities. But I do believe that's everything we could ever possibly need, so...
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*offers pill* Here's your first dose of "Senilifix" and a call button you can press if you encounter anything out of the ordinary over the next twenty-four hours.
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*pops the pill*
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*presses button*
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Yes?
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Nothing. Just feeling lonely. Wanna chat?
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Wunderbar.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Walther Hotenhoffer's exclamation mark
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Hurray! It's my turn now?
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I do apologize for the wait. We're running behind schedule. We did not expect that we'd need to pry Mr. Moleman out of the wall more than once.
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Feh! Moleman is more mole than man, and he's not much mole either.
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All right. I see that you've provided us with your very extensive medical history.
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My proudest accomplishments.
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*offers pill* Well, let's add to that list. Here you go.
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If Old Jewish Man is owned: Task: "Make Old Jewish Man Take a Pill". The job takes place at Hotenhoffer Pharmaceuticals and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Walther Hotenhoffer Brace for the Worst". The job takes place at Hotenhoffer Pharmaceuticals and takes 4 hours.
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*crunch crunch*
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Bleh! What're you trying to do to me?
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You're not supposed to chew. It is to be ingested whole.
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Injected in my what?
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He said "erected in a roll"!
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Oi, I haven't had one of those in years.
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One what?
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What?
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Who?!
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How are we going to extract data from these people?
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Walther Hotenhoffer's exclamation mark
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Two weeks of testing, and I have only three viable tests subjects to analyze. Oh well, now that we're done, at least we get to take their buzzers away.
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They kept mistaking it for the damn TV remote!
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Time to see what our little pill did.
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| Task: "Make Walther Hotenhoffer Analyze Test Results". The job takes 4 hours.
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So, after two weeks of clinical trials, I am pleased to announce that we can at least state with certainty that "Senilifix" did not worsen your conditions.
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Nor was it responsible for any of the emergencies you had this week.
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Even the buzzing in my head?
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We told you. That buzzing was your alarm clock.
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Unfortunately the pill seems to have no positive effect either.
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So it didn't make me a genius but I just don't know it?
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You are not a genius and we all know it. If you are interested, though, I would like to show you how the data proves that nothing was cognatively altered.
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*snoring*
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Yet more proof.
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| Quest reward: 100 and 10
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| After tapping on Walther Hotenhoffer's exclamation mark
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No improvement in any of the trials, whatsoever. Honestly, it may as well have just been a sugar pill.
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...the lot number? Let me check...JA-627-45-B-S.
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...It was a sugar pill! And none of you checked before I spent two weeks in this nursing home? Two weeks of jello and Jasper!
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Enough! We will discuss this later! For now, I must think. *hangs up*
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I now have a multi-week clinical trial which proves that a placebo sugar pill does not cure senility.
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What to do now... Perhaps some fresh air. Yes, a stroll...and then a cliff.
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| Task: "Make Walther Hotenhoffer Take a Thinking Stroll". The job takes 4 hours.
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Hey, you! Mister Fancy-Pants Drugs Guy!
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Oh, hello Jasper. How can I help you today?
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I think my lumbago's been flaring up since that trial. So, I assume it will be covered under trial-related medical expenses.
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Er...yes, I suppose that would be the case.
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Oh swell. Hey, Doc!
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Hello fellow!
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Cut me open, let's get that lumbago right out of there!
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Oka-ee dok-ee! And how about I throw in a tummy tuck for summer?
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What do ya say, Mr. Drug Guy?
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Sure.
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...next time, I'm sending a research team to perform the trials and not letting them convince me that the "good PR" will be worth it.
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| Quest reward: 200 and 20
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