Bart's Comet/Quotes
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- Principal Skinner: And now, to top off our most propane explosion-free science week ever, our grand finale: the launching of a weather balloon.
- Bart: Yay! Go, weather balloon! Hurrah for science! Whoo!
- Principal Skinner: Hurrah for science? Whoo? Well, I can't say I approve of the whoo, but the hurrah was quite heartening.
- Bart: I don't think I really captured the eyes.
- Milhouse Van Houten: Bart, if you have a failing, it's that you're always demanding perfection. If you have a failing.
- Principal Skinner: Hmm, it won't come down for months. Curse the man who invented helium. Curse Pierre Jules César Janssen.
- Principal Skinner: I am going to punish you for this, Bart. And it won't just be a simple caning this time. Because you have impeded science, you must now aid science. Yes. Starting tomorrow, you will assist me with my amateur astronomy, taking down coordinates, carrying equipment, and so forth. 4:30 in the morning.
- Bart: There's a 4:30 in the morning now?
- Radio host: Top of the hour, time for the morning news. But of course, there is no news yet. Everyone's still asleep in their comfy, comfy beds. Good night, everybody.
- Bart: Mom, will you make me breakfast?
- Marge: There's a stuffed pepper in the trash from last night. Just rinse it good.
- Principal Skinner: Ah, there's nothing more exciting than science. You get all the fun of sitting still, being quiet, writing down numbers, paying attention. Science has it all.
- Bart: Who names these things, anyway?
- Principal Skinner: Whoever discovers them. I've been hoping I could find something that would be named after me.
- Bart: And you've never found anything?
- Principal Skinner: Once, but by the time I got to a phone my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kahoutek. I got back at him, though. Him and that little boy of his.
- Homer: And then I sped away without anyone seeing my license plate.
- Lisa: Sounds like you had a good day today, Dad.
- Homer: Yeah, except I forgot to go to work.
- Marge: Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you.
- Bart: But then, you've always been proud of me.
- Marge: [pause] Yes.
- Database: Perhaps some night you could show us your comet.
- Bart: There it is right there.
- Database: I make it a point never to turn my head unless I expect to see something, Bart. Naturally, we can't see your comet in broad daylight, and without a telescope.
- Bart: But you don't need a stupid telescope. It's right there.
- Lisa: Don't you realize what's happening, Bart? Your comet is gonna collide with the earth, and every living thing in its path will be killed.
- Bart: I knew you'd try to find something wrong with my comet, Lisa. You've always been petty and small, right from the beginning.
- Mayor Quimby: Fellow citizens, when I learned about the impending crisis, I caught the very next plane to Springfeld... Field.
- Lisa: But Dad, don't you think--
- Homer: Ah, Lisa. The whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Just like that rainforest scare a few years back. Our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?
- Lisa: No, Dad, I don't think...
- Homer: There's that word again.
- Homer: It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.
- Reverend Lovejoy: [panicked] It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer! [screams]
- Kent Brockman: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Democracy simply doesn't work.
- Homer: What's everyone so worked up about? So there's a comet. Big deal. It'll burn up in our atmosphere, and what's ever left will be no bigger than a Chihuahua's head.
- Bart: Wow, Dad, maybe you're right.
- Homer: Of course I'm right. If I'm not, may we all be horribly crushed from above somehow.
- Homer: Wait a minute, we all know the one thing we won't need in the future-- left-handed stores. That's you, Flanders. [whispering to Rod and Todd] I'm terribly sorry. [aloud] Flanders is the only useless person here. If anyone dies, it should be him. [whispering] I'm sorry. Please forgive me. [aloud] So let's kick Flanders out. [whispering] Sorry.
- Homer: No, no! Shut up! Shut up! Stop it, stop it! I can't take this anymore. I can't let that brave man out there die alone. I'm surprised and disgusted by all of you. Especially his children. I'm going out there. [door slams] And it was a baby ox.
- Moe Szyslak: He's right, you know.
- Principal Skinner: About the ox?
- Moe: About everything, damn it!
- Lisa: I can't believe that extra-thick layer of pollution that I've actually picketed against is what burned up the comet.
- Bart: What's really amazing is that this is exactly what Dad said would happen.
- Lisa: Yeah. Dad was right.
- Homer: I know, kids. I'm scared too.
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