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The Rapture-tastic Express

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The Rapture-tastic Express
Tapped Out The Rapture-tastic Express Sidebar.png
Tapped Out Quest Information
Level: 15
Update: Heaven Won't Wait
Required characters: Ned, Homer, Normal Springfielders, Lisa
Optional characters: Jesus Christ, Mr. Burns, The Rich Texan, God, See Currency-earning jobs
Internal name(s): TheRaptureTasticExpress
ID(s): 267006 - 267010
Previous quest(s): Peace Was Never an Option
Next quest(s): The Gates of Wrath


The Rapture-tastic Express is an event-exclusive questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Heaven Won't Wait content update.

Dialogue

Pt. 1

Between April 21, 2023 and May 17, 2023
Lisa - Worried Can you help us fix Eden before God gets back, Jesus?
Jesus Christ - Surprised I'd love to, Lisa, but we have to think of the Hell-less.
Lisa - Happy *snaps fingers* I've got it! You can let them into Heaven!
Jesus Christ - Sad Uh, yeah, about that...
Jesus Christ Not right for their needs... Not enough services...
Lisa - Nagging So you're a NOMCY?
Lisa - Angry Not On My Cloud.
Jesus Christ Ah. Right.
God - Annoyed What the crap did you people do to my garden?!
God - Annoyed I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE!
God - Annoyed I mean, I totally can because I knew that this is what you all were going to do because I know everything, but still, I'm very angry and disappointed.
God - Happy Time to flex the ol' Rapture Muscles. *huge thunder sound*
Ned - Surprised You...you just crushed my house with a giant bowling pin.
God - Sad Sorry about that. I was aiming for Homer's.
Lisa - Shocked Mr. Flanders, what do we do? I — I don't know what to argue now. His logic doesn't make any sense!
Ned - Worried Well, uh, Your Almightyness, you did send us your only son to ordain a New Covenant where you weren't going to hit us with your wrath anymore.
God - Annoyed Then how come you guys never stop talking about how everything is my wrath?
Ned - Sad It's, uh, possible we've gotten confused on a few points here and there.
Ned - Worried Jesus, you were there at the time, maybe you could quote a few relevant Bible passages to your father?
Jesus Christ - Annoyed You mean the covenant that didn't come into effect until I died? Thanks for the reminder, dude.
Task: "Collect Halos" (x155).
If Jesus Christ is owned: Task: "Make Jesus Take a Bribe". The job takes place at the Garden of Eden, Heaven, Heavenly Swing Set, Candy Heaven, Jewish Heaven, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Ned Question His Faith". The job takes place at the Garden of Eden, Heaven, Heavenly Swing Set, Candy Heaven, Jewish Heaven, or the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Lisa - Suspicious Why are there wads of cash sticking out of the hole in your side?
Jesus Christ *shrugs* I dunno. Stuff winds up there.
Lisa - Angry Are you getting kickbacks from developers for green-lighting their projects based on false claims that they'll help the Hell-less?
Jesus Christ That's the thing about being divine in human form — I also share human weaknesses.
Lisa - Shouting So your "advocacy for the Hell-less" is actually a racket perpetuating Hell-less-ness!
Jesus Christ - Happy If I didn't sin, I wouldn't be doing my job.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10
Crushed Flanders' House

Pt. 2

After completing Pt. 1
Ned - Worried Boy, I think God is really angry this time! What are we going to do?
Homer - Happy You could buy a ticket for my Rapture Bus and get out of town with me!
Moe - Annoyed Does that even make sense?
Homer - Sly Only three seats left.
Moe - Worried Give me all three — I don't like sitting next to bus weirdos.
Task: "Collect Halos" (x155).
Task: "Make Homer Sell Tickets for His Rapture Bus". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Springfielders Buy Tickets for the Rapture Bus" (x5). The jobs take place at the Simpson House and take 4 hours.
If Mr. Burns is owned: Task: "Make Burns Buy the Rapture Bus". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Homer - Confused Mr. Burns, I'm surprised you want to leave town on a bus.
Mr. Burns Oh my, never! I wouldn't be caught dead on a bus.
Mr. Burns - Diabolical No, my friends and I are leaving town on our private jets. I just don't want the usual riffraff following us.
Lisa - Nagging Even if you could run away from the apocalypse, which you can't, without the "riffraff", who's going to do all the work to take care of you?
Mr. Burns I've got Smithers.
Smithers - Excited And I've got you, sir.
Mr. Burns - Annoyed Shut up and put my bags on the plane.
Smithers - Confused Yes, sir.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10
The Jesus Cube

Pt. 3

After completing Pt. 2
Ned - Surprised People, this isn't like a hurricane! There's no escape when God decides to end the world!
Lisa - Thoughtful Then where did the rich guys go?
Jesus Christ - Sad I maybe kind-of, sort-of sent them straight to the depths of Hell.
Ned - Sad I'm starting to think maybe I was wrong about rich people all being good.
Ned - Confused Who could have guessed that the Bible meant what it said about loving money more than people being evil and the rich not getting into heaven?
Jesus Christ - Annoyed Yeah, I really can't stand rich people. They all act like they think they're me!
Homer - Angry Yeah, rich guys are jerks!
Lisa - Annoyed You love rich guys.
Homer - Sad Not when they don't take me with them.
Task: "Collect Halos" (x155).
If Mr. Burns is owned: Task: "Make Mr. Burns Go to Hell". The job takes place at the Stairway to Hell, Hellscape, Flanders' Personal Hell, or Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
If The Rich Texan is owned: Task: "Make The Rich Texan Go to Hell". The job takes place at the Stairway to Hell, Hellscape, Flanders' Personal Hell, or Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Ned Make a Sorry Expression". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Homer Make Sorry-Not-Sorry Expression". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Ned - Worried Oh Lord, I know I pray a lot—
God - Annoyed Yes, you do! Knock it off. I'm not bailing you out this time!
God - Annoyed Now stop distracting me! Planning a giant flood that will wipe out everyone requires more precision than you'd think.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10
Rapture Bus

Pt. 4

After completing Pt. 3
Ned - Sad I've tried everything I can think of. I guess this is really it.
Lisa - Alarmed You can't give up, Mr. Flanders. God's just being stubborn. He's probably testing your faith.
Lisa - Nagging He seems to do that a lot.
Ned - Surprised By golly, you're right, Lisa! I'm going to pray even harder than before!
Homer - Sly Or you can just relax and let me take care of everything — I've got a plan!
Lisa - Annoyed Yeah...I wouldn't stop praying just yet.
Task: "Collect Halos" (x155).
Task: "Make Lisa Try to Figure Out What to Do Next". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Homer Build Giant Sign Out of Empty Donut Boxes". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Ned Pray Even Harder". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Lisa - Confused You built a giant sign out of empty donut boxes that says "DER GOD, WEER SORREE".
Homer - Guilty Oh, I misspelled "Dear".
Lisa - Nagging And "we're".
Homer - Blort Really? I did not know that.
Lisa - Nagging And "sorry".
Homer - Happy That I did know — I have a lot of practice writing "sorry" on notes to your mother.
Homer - Sly But in this case I deliberately misspelled it so it would rhyme with "weer".
Lisa - Annoyed That's not how rhymes work.
Homer - Confused It's not? Then I don't understand rap music at all.
God Okay, I'm back. Let's hear what you have to say this time.
Ned - Happy I knew Lisa was right! I just kept praying and my faith was rewarded.
God No, I was just amused by Homer's sign.
God - Happy That's why I created stupid people in the first place. You never know what idiots are going to do.
Quest reward: Cash100 and XP10
Heavenly Playscape

Pt. 5

After completing Pt. 4
Lisa - Deadpan You said earlier that you knew we were going to screw up again. Well, you made us, and you knew we would fail. Is that really a fair test?
God Eh, that's kind of a good point.
Homer - Sly On the other hand, even if you didn't know, we one-hundred percent would have done the same stupid stuff anyway.
God - Annoyed Say, that's right!
Lisa - Nagging Not helping, Dad.
God - Annoyed Okay, enough with all this philosophical, theological debate! Fine, I won't wipe you all out—
Ned - Happy Hurray!
God - Annoyed But as of right now, no one is getting into Heaven anymore! I'm building a wall around Heaven!
Lisa - Nagging There's already a gate.
God That was just for show. You could always go around it. Not sure why more people didn't, really.
Ned - Shocked If Heaven is closed, and Hell is full, where will we spend eternity?
God - Annoyed You should have thought of that earlier! I guess you'll have to stay right where you are!
Homer - Woo Hoo Woohoo! We're going to live forever!
Homer and Bart - Chanting Build the wall! Build the wall!
Task: "Collect Halos" (x195).
If God is owned: Task: "Make God Build a Wall Around Heaven". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Ned Ponder Eternity in the Absence of God". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Task: "Make Homer Be Happy He Can Pig Out Forever". The job takes place at the Simpson House and takes 4 hours.
Ned - Confused You seem really happy about this, Homer.
Homer - Happy Call me nuts, but to me living forever seems like a pretty good deal.
Ned - Suspicious You don't live next to you.
Ned - Pained My God, why hast thou forsaken me!
Quest reward: Cash200 and XP20
Angela

Currency-earning jobs

Task Character(s) Time Location(s) Reward
"Borrow" Halos Homer, Lisa, Ned, Bart, Wiggum, Rev. Lovejoy, Quimby 4h Heaven, Candy Heaven, First Church of Springfield, Mega Church, Visitable Home Halo5, XP45
Casually Toss in Some Halos Jesus Christ Halo7, XP70
Polish Halos Eve, Shakespeare Halo8, XP70