The Old Man and the "C" Student/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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223
"The Old Man and the "C" Student"
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- Mayor Quimby: And we will do anything, including but not limited to anything, to make your stay here tolerable.
- Chief Wiggum: Yes, you'll be completely above the law. Uh, women, guns, cash, uh, whatever you need—it's yours.
- Homer: I've never wanted a beer worse in my life. [Marge hands him a beer] I love you, honey.
- Marge: Are you talking to me or the beer?
- Homer: To you, my bubbly, long-necked, beechwood-aged lover.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my vacation at Lake Titicaca. Let's see you make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart Guy!
- Old Jewish man: Hello, let's hear some numbers. I got a nice diagonal goin'.
- Lisa: B-3.
- Jasper Beardsley: You sunk my battleship!
- [seniors laughs]
- Lisa: G-52.
- Jasper: You sunk my battleship!
- [seniors laughs]
- Grampa: Oh, I got a bingo! What do I win?
- Lisa: A banana!
- Grampa: A whole one?
- Lisa: Yep!
- Bart: That's the prize?! A banana?
- Lisa: Their natural mushiness prevents choking and promotes regularity.
- Bart: They're not babies, Lisa. Give 'em something fun, like cigars or booze.
- Lisa: We tried giving them eggnog at Christmas, but it led to widespread de-shawling.
- Old Jewish man: And that's what they get for wearing such tight little shawls.
- Marge: So, Bart, how was your first day of forced volunteerism?
- Bart: That place sucks! The nurses don't let Grampa do anything. They practically chew his food for him.
- Homer: Lucky stiff. I'm working my ass off here.
- Grampa: If I get up, somebody'll take my chair.
- Jasper: Got that right. It's the only one left with padding.
- Seniors: [rubbing the chair enviously] Padding...
- Bart: Full speed ahead! Damn the torpedoes!
- Grampa: What did he say? Put on our tuxedoes?
- Old Jewish man: I want some taquitos.
- Grampa: Medication time? Hot dog! Gimme, gimme, gimme!
- [the old folks clamor around for their medication]
- Bart: But I've set you free. No more nap time, no more bingo. You can do whatever you want!
- Sweet elderly lady: Let's play bingo!
- Grampa: Yeah, let's play bingo!
- Jasper: You sunk my battleship.
- [seniors laughs]
- Bart: Oh, it's not fair. I'm not supposed to die now. I'm supposed to die in a foolish motorcycle stunt at the age of fifteen.
- Jack LaLanne: Ha, ha! You're not dead yet, you pudgy little pisher.
