Whacking Day/Quotes
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Evil Homer: [singing conga-style] "I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!"
Kent Brockman: "But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10th local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. [footage plays] After exposing Alger Hiss, Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss."
[Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.]
Nixon: "Is Whacking Day over? [everyone boos] Thank you. Thanks for coming out."
Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.
Lisa: If the snakes were in here we could protect them.
Bart: According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham.
Barney: [whacking invisible snakes] Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
Lenny: You gettin' ready for Whacking Day?
Barney: What's Whacking Day?
Ralph: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, let's go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so...
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?
Reverend Lovejoy: (reading from the Bible) And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpants which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. (Long pause) So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Wacking Day.
Lisa: Lemme see that.
Reverend Lovejoy: (puts the bible behind him) Mmmmmmm, no.
Bart: Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.
Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in fun.
Nelson: I want you to keep filling your shirt with crud until I get back.
Milhouse: Yes, sir.
Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
Oh Whacking Day!
Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day!
Boy: We’ll break their backs
Gouge out their eyes
Their evil hearts we’ll pulverize!
Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
Oh Whacking Day!
May God bestow His grace on thee.
Homer: Hey, kids, how was school?
Lisa: I learned how many grams in a pennyweight.
Bart: I got expelled.
Homer: That's my boy! [sips his Duff beer] Mmm... beer... [realizes] What!?
Marge: Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl.
Bart: A book!? Pfffft.
Marge: I think you might like this. It's about a boy who goes to war. His hand is deformed in an accident.
Bart: Deformed? Why didn't you say so! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"?
[after realizing that Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney are still locked in the school's utility closet, Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes]
Principal Skinner: We give them their bikes, no one sues. [laughes nervously]
Willie: [laughes] What if they're dead, sir?
Principal Skinnger: Then we ride these bikes to Mexico, and freedom, Willie! Freedom!
- Wille: Freedom! [laughes, then under his breath] Yeah, I'll turn you in at the first toll booth.
Nelson: Imagine...a school out there with no bullies.
Jimbo: Science geeks not getting beat up. Kids using their lunch money for food.
Nelson: I can't take it!
