All's Fair in Oven War/Quotes
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< All's Fair in Oven War
Revision as of 13:01, July 27, 2012 by Solar Dragon (talk | contribs)
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- Club owner: I'm turning this disco into a hockey rink.
- Blacula:' You mean a honky rink!
- Marge: Relax, we're just looky-loos. We're only here to compare our lifestyle to our neighbors.
- Homer: Oh, c'mon Marge. It's not fair to compare us to an American household.
- Milhouse: Hey, the lady in this picture is hot. She can calamine my hives anytime.
- Bart: That's congresswoman Bella Abzug.
- Milhouse: Ciao, Bella!
- Marge: I think you used too much plaster.
- Homer: Oh, now you tell me.
- Marge: I never stopped telling you.
- Homer: So that's what that white noise was.
- Moe Szyslak: Same old stuff: meatloaf, casserole, tunaloaf, loaferole, casseloaf...
- Carl Carlson: Marge Simpson's wasabi buffalo wings.
- Lenny Leonard: Ooh, an Eastern twist on a Western New York favorite!
- Lisa: What do you think Thomas Pynchon?
- Thomas Pynchon: These wings are V.-licious! I'll put this recipe in the Gravity's Rainbow Cookbook right next to The Frying of Latke 49.
- Sideshow Mel: I agree with my fellow Cornell alumnus. Huzzah for Marge!
- Crowd: Huzzah!
- Marge: And how about a huzzah for my husband who paid for our new kitchen?
- Mel: Never!
- [Bart and Milhouse are listening to Jazz]
- Milhouse: When do they start singing?
- Bart: Well, the Playdude Advisor says the music will get a stewardess to give you a layover.
- Milhouse: I hope it's Omaha. My grammy lives there.
- Marge: In the Ovenfresh Bakeoff, clever presentation is as important as taste. So I'm entering my dessert dogs. It's deep fried cookie dough with meringue buns, cherry "ketchup" and caramel "mustard".
- Bart: Mmm... It's dessert, but it's hot dogs, so it's good for you!
- Chief Wiggum: Sorry, Ralphie. The Bakeoff rejected your recipe.
- Ralph Wiggum: I wanna be in the bakeoff!
- Chief Wiggum: There, there. I think your grilled crayon sandwich was delicious.
- Ralph: You only took a pretend bite.
- Chief Wiggum: No, I'm eating it, look.
- [he swallows it with great difficulty]
- Ralph: Can you taste the thumbtacks?
- Chief Wiggum: Aw, crap.
- [Bart is dressed in a smoking jacket and carrying a pipe]
- Nelson Muntz: Haw Haw! Bart looks different today.
- Bart: Ah, Nelson. Your debonair wit reminds me of a young Mort Sahl.
- Nelson: Guh?
- Bart: Listen up, ring-a-ding-dingers. I'm throwin' a little sip'n'quip at the Playdude Treehouse. Saturday night, at the top of the ladder. Be there or be square.
- Ralph: I want to be a triangle.
- Bart: You're not invited.
- Marge: It's going to be weird cooking without your tipsy father grabbing me from behind. But I think I'm up to it.
- Stuart: So, whatcha makin', Marge?
- Marge: Well, Stuart, I'm making a dessert that looks like a hot dog, but isn't.
- Stuart: You're making a tasty fake? [chuckles] That is so 90s. Why don't we move to Seattle and use slow modems.
- [several chefs laugh at Marge]
- Luigi Risotto: Yo, Marge. Your recipe, she's-a pathetic!
- Marge: She is not!
- James Caan: Hey, Bart, me and Mrs. Krabappel, uh, we're going to go play some "backgammon", if you know what I mean.
- Bart: I don't, but I hope you win.
- Edna: Oh, he's gonna win.
- Caan: Some guys like a challenge. Not me.
- Chief Wiggum: Listen here, Simpson. Your son has been exposing our kids to adult themes, unabashed dictionaries, and the lesser short fiction of John Cheever.
- Homer: Adult themes? What are you talking about?
- Ned Flanders: Well, my Roddy told a joke about an octopus and a set of bagpipes, and the punchline implied that they fornicated.
- Wiggum: Ralphie wants to go on the pill.
- Homer: Stupid Bart. Heh heh heh heh heh heh. Bagpipes getting down with an octopus... that's classic.
- Lisa: Come on, Mom. You still have twenty minutes left. You can fix it.
- Marge: You're right! If I can feed a family of five for $12 a week, I can do anything.
- Lisa: You feed us on $12 a week?
- Marge: I stretch your father's meatloaf with sawdust.
- Marge: Even the pope couldn't forgive this pizza... and he's letting a lot slide these days.
- Homer: Hey, sweetie, is Mom winning?
- Lisa: Oh, she'll win the contest, but she'll lose her soul.
- Homer: But she'll win the contest?
- Lisa: And lose her soul.
- Homer: But win the contest?
- Lisa: [weary] Yes.
- Homer: Woo-hoo! If Marge becomes Auntie Ovenfresh, we'll meet all the food personalities. [Homer imagines himself at a swanky party with Marge and various food mascots] Look! It's Mr. Cashew... the Kobbler Dwarf... Snip, Crinkle and Poof! Twinkie the Kid! I love you! [he hugs Twinkie]
- Twinkie: Whoa, easy there pardner. [he hugs him harder and cream squeezes out of him]
- Homer: Uh-oh.
- Pringles-type man: You killed him!
- Kobbler Dwarf: He was my world!
- Food icons: [angrily] Blood for cream! Blood for cream!
- [back in the real world]
- Homer: [angrily] Blood for cream! Blood for cream!
- Head judge: Our two remaining dishes are "blackened dessert dogs" by Marge Simpson and "Armadillo a la Road" by Brandine No Last Name Given.
- Marge: That was an entry?
- Brandine: Just 'cause it was cooked in a garbage can doesn't make it garbage.
- Bart: [reading from Playdude] Canned and frozen juices are more popular than ever these days. But, most bachelors we know would prefer to squeeze their own tomatoes.
- Milhouse: Bachelors are always squeezin' stuff.
- Homer: Would you excuse us, Milton?
- Milhouse: It's Milhouse.
- Homer: Yeah, and your father's "No House". Now scram.
